Married before turning 20?

And again, Centerpiece wins the thread.

I have not read all the comments but it makes me happy that you are having a longish engagement.

I have no comment on the whole young marriage, I think its important to know or date some one for a at least a year and have at least a year engagement. I think its important to learn how to take care of yourself before marriage, dont go from your parents to someone else man or women taking care of you.

Dont cut anyone off of the invite list yet, give them time, he is still there little boy. My mom still has a hard time seeing me or my brothers as adults and we are 21, 23 and 27.

You can show his and your parents you both are responsible & mature by saving money, keeping up with school and/or work, & keeping your self open to them coming around and being supportive. Dont shout I am an adult, act like one.

Someone brought up insurance in a similar post earlier in the week. If you're on your parents health insurance and can be until you're 26, you should wait. Insurance and healthcare is expensive and it gets cut off as soon as you marry. Just something to think about. Stay engaged, go to college, get jobs then plan.

While it wouldn't be right for me, I have two friends that married at 19 (their spouses are a year older) and 25 years later they are still happily married. Both marriages are the ones I use to judge relationships by (the way they interact with each other & their children and how their children interact with others). For them, it was wonderful & great & everything that marriage should be. On the other hand, I have an 18 yr old (future) step-son who, if he told me he were engaged, I would hit the roof! My personal opinion is that you should, at the very least, finish your education before getting married. I can tell you that if I had married the person I was engaged to at 19, I would be divorced by now.

Also, my FH married his first wife his high school sweetheart after 10 years and they were divorced in 8 months.

edit: But I also have a cousin who just celebrated 15 years, and she was married at 19. Her sister also married her high school sweetheart and they are also still together so I don't think that's really a factor.

I don't mind honestly you sound very mature from how you express yourself.. If that is what you both want go for it.. Me I would have waited a little longer but that is just me.

Sorry I didn't reply back earlier! I was at work. But I have read through everyone's comments and I understand why some of you are convinced that I cannot understand your concerns. And maybe I can't. But I am not just throwing out what you say, I assure you. I think about everything everyone says and I take it all very seriously. I discussed many concerns that were brought up with my FH and we have come up with plans for everything. I know that just talking doesn't seem like much evidence that we know what were doing, but if we fail then I am prepared to admit I was wrong. However, I don't believe I will have to.

And once again I want to hire Centerpiece as my life coach.

@Stephanie, you sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders, and we'd love to have you stick around WW because we like people that listen to advice and take it well!

I haven't read everything but here are my two cents. First off...if you marry before you're 21...you can't serve alcohol at your wedding (at least I don't think you can) and you can't even have a real champagne toast. Maybe neither of you want to drink, but if you can't even serve your guests champagne, that'd be a bummer. So that's my first reason on why I think you should at least wait until then.

I am 27, so I can't really give big life examples and perspective like Centerpiece, but I kind of am opposite of what everyone else has said. I met DH when I was 21, I knew we were going to get married after a month of dating. The reason we waited was because we wanted to live together first (we were doing long distance our first year between Hawaii and Arizona...so not just a drive away) and we wanted to save money for the rings and the wedding. But if we didn't dream of the big wedding and everything, we could have married when I was 21 and everything would have been the same. When we started dating we were 100% committed to each other as if we were married. And when people ask if I like married life...honestly it's no different from before. So if my last name had become his 5 years ago or 5 months ago I don't think anything would have changed. So if you both are serious about each other, happy with the lives you have together and separately, and you have had conversations about how you envision your future and how to solve problems and such I think you still have a good chance at success. Going to counseling is a great idea, that is a sign that in 5 years if things do go bad you'll be willing to try counseling again to try and fix things. I don't see you as someone who just wants to dress up and have a big fairytale wedding, I see you as someone that is actually desiring a marriage and a healthy marriage at that. Of course I only know what you've shown us here, and remember we don't all know you in person so most of us just have stories to go off of from our own lives. I've had friends get married young and get divorced but also know many that got married at 18 and are on their third kid and are happy.

I really didn't change much in my 20s, if anything I just grew to be more and more similar to my DH but we were already really similar to begin with. So I'm one of the rare few that will say I don't have a problem with your situation. And so I can't wait to hear what some of your ideas are with your wedding as you join us more on WW!

Honey I'm 35 and just now planning my first marriage. As long as you both have the maturity and are willing to work together when there are relationship problems age doesn't matter.

I echo the majority opinion. Please fully consider your education, career, finances, children vs birth control, and maturity. I don't think most people in their teens have the tools necessary to have marriage and children. However, there are a few that can marry young and make it work. If I had married during my time under 25, I would be divorced or miserably married.

I'm getting this from relatives now and I'll be 24 when I get married. You do what's best for both of you

I already gave the OP some advice, but I want to correct a misperception that several of you have repeated on this thread as a reason against getting married. If you are under 26, on your parents' insurance and get married, you DO NOT lose your coverage (depending on state). Here is what Healthcare.gov says:

Generally, you can join a parent’s plan and stay on until you turn 26 even if you:

Get married

Have or adopt a child

Start or leave school

Live in or out of your parent’s home

Aren’t claimed as a tax dependent

Turn down an offer of job-based coverage

Here is the link. https://www.healthcare.gov/young-adults/children-under-26/

While I want to give Stephanie Jane kudos for listening to other viewpoints I want to give The Centerpiece Flowers a million gold starts, champagne for life, much chocolate and wine and whatever else her heart desires for an incredibly wise post. From past posts I know that we are the same age, and please know she has offered the wisest words so far.

I moved out at 18, had my own apartment, paid my own car insurance, rent, utilities, and anything else I needed with no one's help whatsoever. I married at 20 and can tell you that it was a bad idea. If I had not had world experience of supporting myself away from everyone else, it would have had an incredibly poor outcome for me.

Because I was the end of the line surprise child my parents (who died when I was a child) were much older than normal. In 1944 my 19 yo mom went from her father's home to setting up housekeeping with my father who was on his way to fight in WWII. They were lifers in the military. My mom could keep the most spotless house, cook incredibly awesome food and cook for incredible masses of people without batting an eyelash. My dad's uniforms were pressed to perfection and my older brothers' levi's were ironed everyday. In 1963 my father became terminally ill and died when my mom was 38 and had kids who were 18, 15,almost 12 and almost 4. She couldn't hold a job or balance a checkbook to save her life. When she died 6 years later we were not doing so well. She never had the experience of living on her own, navigating the world on her own, learning how to do all that is necessary without someone else at her side.

I know some couples who married at the time I married the first time - they are still married. Because I know them quite closely I know they are incredibly miserable and would divorce in a hearbeat but finances won't let them. Things like losing half your pension to your ex can make you stick out a lot. The rest of the world thinks they are happy as clams but I know they aren't.

Aside from them, my cousin and her husband couldn't be more miserable being married to each other (after 35 years) but financially, divorce would shatter both of them in their golden years. My exh and his wife have been married for 24 years and hate their life together.. Hate it. Can't do a thing about it becuase of the money situation. They will die miserable.

Why do I tell you all those stories. Because everyone says they know people who married super young and have been married 30+ years. Doesn't mean happily and doesn'e mean they would do it again.

My 2 best friends have been married for 24 and 25 years respectively and adore their lives. they waited til they were mid 20s and over 30 to marry. All 4 of them lived individually, paid their own bills, supported themselves, and negotiated the world on their own first.

I think it is paramount that when you get married you can pick up the ball and run with it if your partner becomes seriously ill or injured. If one of you gets cancer or has a really catastrophic accident/injury can you maintain your home on your own income?

I ask the following questions quite respectfully and genuinely and hope I have not offended you (but I wholeheartedly agree with The Centerpiece Flowers.) My 18 yo stepdd announced she was getting married 11 years ago. We were not rejoicing at all. We were crushed.

1. What kind of college are you attending and what is your major? I am most interested in how, at your age, you are able to make monthly payments for college and have no student loan debt. Do you rent your books? DS's college books are ungodly expensive (we will rent next semester!) I am serious about that. If that is something I can pass on to others, I would gladly do so!

2. You said you were working on building up your credit. Again, may I ask exactly what it is you are doing? This could also be information worth sharing to others.

I truly do wish you the very best in your endeavors but I really think you guys should wait several years before getting married.

In the orthodox Jewish culture it's common for people to get married young ...i.e. 19-23..so it depends on how you grew up

I don't see anything wrong with it.

My DH and I have been together since I was 17 and he was 18. We changed a lot over the years. Broke up once for 6 months in our early 20's but got married this year. I'm 24 and he's 25. I think if you are on your own, have a good job and are mentally mature, then I don't see why not.

Thanks @kahlcara.

Does this apply to all health insurance plans?

@HappyInHawaii I appreciate your advice but would like to address your comment on alcohol because it does play a major role in my FH's life. His father is a non-recovered alcoholic (he did go to rehab and it did not work out so he continues his drinking) and so alcohol will not be allowed at our wedding regardless of when it is. But I didn't say that in the first post so I wouldn't except you to have known that and thank you for the welcome I love it here already!!

Yes @zoe it was part of the new rules under "Obama care"! Just wanted to chime in and say good for you for being so mature and actually listening to what everyone has to say. I have a feeling things will work out just fine for you either way!

@Jeleebeenz To answer your questions, I am attending a community college currently, I will be transferring to a university after getting my prerequisites done. I am going to school to be an Elementary School Teacher. I began working at 16 and saved up all of my money, as well as receiving money gifts for Christmas, and yes I understand that does not make me completely independent from my parents. But I won't need to take out a loan until I go to a four year school. I did rent my books, which has been great!

I am building my credit by having a credit card for gas, literally only gas, and then paying it off immediately after. This is the only way I have been doing so this far, I am open to alternative suggestions! I work very hard for the things I have and the opportunity to go to school. I hope this helps, and while I understand many are miserable in their relationships, I do not believe it is just young couples who marry that end up miserable. Some people just aren't compatible. I know I have a lot to learn about myself, and so does my FH but I don't think we need to be entirely independent from one another to do so. Yes bad things could happen and I would need to learn to be on my own, but I can grow independent without him and still marry him. I have been through counseling for social anxiety and now I work in the costumer service department of a retail store. I did this without him, but with his support. I find the love and support we give each other helps us grow together, and separate. You don't have to agree with me on that but that is my view point.