Married before turning 20?

I stand by what I said earlier, and I strongly believe that only you can know if it is right to get married.

But I do have a question. Since you two are living in your parents basement, have either of you been fully independent ever? I do think that is important in relationships because you need to know how to survive and be happy/mentally ready/and financially ready. Or did he just move into your parents house when you two got serious?

I think it's very important for you two to move out on your own before getting married. Otherwise, you'll never really get out of the "honeymoon" phase.

Way to be super mature OP. This is what this forum is all about. Getting different opinions and being mature enough to handle positive and negative view points. I think you have a bright future ahead of you.

Agree with Spazzytazi ! You're honestly being so mature and answering all of our questions so politely and taking our opinions so well. Thanks, Stephanie! I wish you the best with whatever you decide to do. Stick around!

All I know is I have become a totally different person since I was 18. I think it would be great for you guys to enjoy being young and engaged, move in to your own place together, and grow independently and mutually, and then have a wedding. There really is no rush!

@MeganL. He moved in with me when his parents kicked him out for proposing to me. (There were issues with me and him being together before the engagement and its kind of a long story.) But since he moved in we've been saving to get our own apartment for us and our dog I agree we need to be on our own before we get married!

One thing you mention is being "set in our paths." While I know a few people who are doing now what they thought they'd be doing in college, almost all of my high school and college acquaintances are now somewhere different than they originally intended on being. I planned on finding a job in my field (I did not) so I had to go back to school for something else. My FH planned on working in a lab, and now he's almost done with med school. My long-term boyfriend in college who I thought I'd marry when I was your age (as we grew up a little more, we realized we weren't right together) thought he was going to get a PsyD, and he ended up dropping out of grad school entirely. My two good friends from college are similarly doing nothing close to what they thought they would. And then on the flip side, my best friend decided at the start of her senior year to go law school, and that ended up happening.

My point is, the path you're on in college often changes when you're no longer a student. When the real world is facing you, things can take some dramatic shifts that truly make a difference in who you grow to become. And there's no way to know it now.

Biologically, the decision-making part of the brain doesn't fully develop until the mid-20s. Your brain is not yet where it will be in just a few years, and unfortunately, there's no way to tell what you will value and what you will want 7 years from now. If you and your SO are right together, there's no reason to rush, especially when there's so much change coming up for you.

I'd say go for it as long as you guys are on the same page my fiance and I are getting married in April 2016...I'm 18 and he's 22. We have had lectures from everyone...including our families but his mom and dad and my mom and dad are happy with it now because they know we can handle this responsibility. We are financially stable and both have a great job. His parents married when they were 17 and 21 so I would say it all depends on the person. Most of the time it's probably not the best idea but if you are ready to grow together and feel like it's exactly what you want then I think it's great!

What about health insurance? Do one of you have a job that would provide it to both of you? You can't be on your parents' policies once you're married. Can you afford your own health care?

One more thing....get married because you love each other not because you are trying to prove a point. That will never work....it has to be for the fight reasons!

Right reasons *

Wait? He got kicked out for proposing... And had to move in with your family? So he's obviously not financially stable. Not a good sign...

@stephanie you are handling this is a mature way so that says something about the way you are. I got married young... 23. I started Dating my DH when I was 18. We both have changed a lot. In my experience our 3rd year together was the hardest. We had talked about marriage prior but our 3rd year together we struggled with finding jobs out of college and the stress of taking on all the "real world" challenges financially and personally. We made it though and that solidified to me he was the one I wanted to marry because he was there to support me when we had nothing. Now we've got our feet under us and we have the same financial and religious views, 2 things I think are important.

It could have gone the other way though, I could have found out he wasn't very supportive or helpful and decided he wasn't who I wanted to be with. We had to go through that to grow and realize we should be married.

@ZoeB. Yes he has health insurance through his work.

@ZoeB. He didn't have to, my parent offered so that we could continue to save for our college and wedding.

Stephanie - I think it's wonderful that you have found the man you want to marry so young. I started dating my FH when I was 16 (met him when I was 15). We will be getting married next year and that is after being together for 11 years (knowing each other for 12). I honestly think you should wait - at least until you finish college and become a little more independent (you already have told us that you are on your way there which is great). Both my FH and I have grown together and also made huge mistakes - however, we learned from them and were able to actually become stronger because we talked everything out and listened to one another. We are both very different than we were when we were teenagers and I am happy we actually waited to get married (though everyone's reaction when we got engaged was "finally!" and "why the long engagement?" - it's because that's what worked for us).

I have seen my friends try to plan a wedding and get married during grad school and it's very stressful - I'm not saying it can't be done because it can be. Trying to juggle it all - a job, school, family/a relationship, a household, wedding planning - is not easy (and I am sure you know that).

I understand both your parents and your FH's parents got married young. They are still together and that is wonderful! But I would also talk to FH's parents and ask about their hesitations - maybe they can offer you some insight as to why they think it's too young.

My suggestion, would be to wait until you are a little more established. Sometimes people grow apart (which I hope doesn't happen for you because you seem very happy) and I just wouldn't want that to happen to you soon after getting married (then having regret that you married so young).

You can have a long engagement - some of these girls on here have been engaged for 6 years. Enjoy your engagement and see how you grow together as an engaged couple.

@RachelM. & @Spazzytazi I think everyone has made very good points to take into consideration. Life is forever changing and I know that people change. However, I would like to address that I met my FH when I was in a dark place and he was been my rock throughout everything. I know that one day things might change but I don't want to live my life worried that one day everything will fall apart. I love him and truly know he is the one for me. So yeah we could wait and see what happens, but sometimes I think you have to follow your instincts. And maybe that all sounds silly coming from an 18 year old, but love is about trust and partnership. I don't depend on him to care for me, I can take care of myself. But life is a lot happier when you share it.

Yeah, so, getting married will not stop everything from falling apart... It will just make the fall that much more painful.

Is there a reason he can't provide the same support for you as your boyfriend or fiancé as he could as your husband? Is there any urgent reason you have that supports rushing into a marriage (and I know you've been together for a while, but any marriage at 18 is a rush)?

@Stephanie

I think the way you are taking everyone's opinions and suggestions shows your maturity. I agree with Pinky that you two should talk to his parents about their hesitations. Maybe they have some valuable information. Do they know it's going to be 2ish years before you two get married? I only ask because my parents were worried I would try to plan a wedding in like 3 months and be married fast - but I didn't even start planning or thinking about a wedding for about 6 months after the engagement.

I wish you two the best of luck! And stay on here, I can't wait to read future posts when you start planning!

@PinkyWinterPromise Thank you! I will definitely consider how wedding planning may impact my grades at school. A long engagement has been the plan all along, and I know it seems that I am in a rush but really I have no issues waiting. I just feel that we should do it when we are ready which seems to me to be two years, but that could very well change and I know that