Married before turning 20?

@MeganL. Yes I agree that we will need to talk to them! Thank you, and I look forward to more advice in the future!

@RachelL. We won't be getting married until he is 20 years old and a few months before I turn 20. But no there is nothing that I feel we need to be married for we don't already have besides children, but we want to wait until we're finished with school and into our careers before we have kids anyway. I just want our wedding to happen when we are ready.

I agree that you both sound like very mature people, but there really is no rush to do this. Please keep in mind that the world was a different place 35ish years ago. The couples that are used as examples functioned against a completely different backdrop.

I marry many couples who have been together since high school. There is no saying it can't work, but you will each be a dozen different people between now and 80 years from now. I say take your time.

Stephanie - It is very refreshing to see that you are so open to opinions and aren't getting defensive. This really shows a sign of maturity (as other PPs have stated).

Please stay on the forums and let us get to know you some more.

First, I think you sound very mature for your age, and I think it's great that you are seeking out wisdom from other people who are preparing for marriage as well.

I personally think you should both wait for a few years. You both will change so much in the next 5 years, and there really is no rush to get married. I don't mean to insult your relationship, but many high school sweethearts break up in college. I've had several friends who at your age were either engaged or "engaged to be engaged" to their "love of their life" who are no longer together. It doesn't happen to everyone, but it is a huge possibility, statistically speaking.

Also, I am always concerned when I hear that the families (or close friends) do not approve of a relationship, or are showing signs of hesitation. They do love you, and want the best for you (or your FH). They may see things that are problematic or worrisome that you (and your FH) do not. I hope you are taking their concerns seriously, and are not dismissing them right away (though sometimes the concerns are nothing to worry about).

I just don't understand the need to be engaged right now. Enjoy dating each other, without the pressure of planning for a wedding, and more importantly, a marriage, while you are coming into your adult years. It's great to talk about marriage, and be moving towards that commitment while dating, without being engaged. You can always date through college, and plan to have a short engagement after you graduate.

If you do decide to move forward with the engagement, please consider pre-marital counseling. It is so beneficial, and a great way to make sure you and your FH discuss important issues. It will also be a great tool to help you prepare for your future life together.

@Stephanie why do you want to get married now versus being engaged and waiting until you're out of college? Is it security? Being able to call him your husband? What is it? I think knowing why will help!

When DH and I got engaged both our parents were happy but not happy. They were happy but thought we were young (engaged at 21). We didn't get married until 23 and by then we owned our own house, both had good jobs at Fortune 500 companies and had graduated college. We had a lot more of our Ducks in a row then when we first got engaged. Having those two years also meant we were able to save and pay for our 150 person wedding without any credit cards or payment plans. We knew the wedding we wanted and figured out how much to save per month to afford it. I can honestly say it was so worth it to have the day that we wanted AND be able to truly afford it.

@Noelle We have discussed pre-marital counseling because of our age. We want to gain tools to help us in the long run. It is definitely on my to-do list before getting married!

Thank you @Ninjaaa!

@NowASeptMrs We will be having a long engagement. We aren't planning to be married until March of 2017. The main reason we want to get married when we have planned to is because we feel we will be ready, financially, mentally, and emotional after our 2 year engagement. If we approach that time and feel we are not ready then we will wait longer. Before we begin planning we will have lots more to do and discuss and I am prepared for that.

I have nothing new to add, I echo the sentiments of the PPs here. I started dating my FH at 15 and will be 24 when we get married, and I say we definitely needed all that time to grow into each other and make sure it was going to work for the long haul. Although I will say, I knew at 18 I would marry him, we just weren't ready yet.

I really like the way you handled all these comments that didn't necessarily agree with your perspective, and it shows that you are very mature. Whatever decision you make, I wish you the best and please stay with us here on the forums

Thanks for answering Stephanie! One thing you said I would caution you on ..."if we approach that time and feel we aren't ready we will wait longer". Honestly you could start planning now but at the minimum start a year out. So if you get close and it doesn't feel right you'd lose a lot :-/

I think as long as you and FH can set a goal for wedding cost and work together toward saving it, do some premarital counseling to help you work on issues you may not have encountered yet, you'll have a good plan in place for not just a good wedding a good marriage! The wedding is one day but the marriage is forever! (In many cases obviously there extenuating circumstances for some)

@NowASeptMrs Will definitely be sure before making major payments! Thanks for all your words of advice!

@Jos1219 I think I'll stick around!

I think it's a bad idea. Yes, I have a friend who married when he was 14, and is still married decades later, so it CAN work. But the statistics for people who marry before age 25 are a lot worse than for those who marry later. It's not just a question of "maturity." It's the fact that people's life experiences before age 25 tend to change them so much that there is no way to predict whether they'll still be compatible after that.

@stephanie I think you have a good head on your shoulders and happy you found someone you love. I hope you and FH can work it out with both families!

Thank you @NowASeptMrs!

@2d Bride I understand that there will be many changes between me and my FH. That being said I have already been through 6 years of constant change with him. I find it hard to believe anything in the future could change our compatibility. In my opinion some people just fit together.

@2d can we hear the backstory on that? Married at 14??

Not to say it can't work, but I think it's too young, and why the rush? It may seem like parents are buzzkillers, but they know far more than either of you about life, whether they're right or wrong about your decision to marry before 23-25. It may seem like it's not far off, but there will be many changes in both your lives in the next 5 years, if it's meant to be you can weather them together. But that would be the case whether together or married.

RingAroundTheRoushes: It was totally buzarre. He lived in Arkansas at the time. Apparently, you couldn't get married there until you were 15, so he and his girlfriend went to another state where it was legal at 14. Years later, a court in Arkansas ruled that such marriages were void in Arkansas. So he, his wife, and their three children went back and had another wedding at the courthouse.

Yeah, it's one of the most bizarre wedding stories I've ever heard.