Invite the EX WIFE?????

A RESOUNDING HELL NO!!!! The wedding is for you & FH to begin your life together, moving forward, looking forward to what the future has in store. Let her know that even though you have a cordial relationship, NONE of the exes are invited.

I THINK AT SOME POINT IF SHE'S THERE SHE MIGHT BRING IT UP TO HIM .LIKE YOU DIDNT DO THAT WHEN WE GOT MARRIED AND PUT IDEAS TO MAYBE KEEP THE PAST IN HIS FACE . OR SHE MIGHT DOWN TALK YOUR WEDING TO OTHERS .I WOULDNT ITS NONE OF HER BUSINESS THATS JUST HOW LIFE IS .TO BRING HIS XWIFE IS TO BRING HIS FAILED MARRIGE .NO HELL TOTHE NO. that is just out of place.

Aren't you worried that she may retaliate and use the kids to do so after the wedding? I just don't want this decision to make life difficult for you and FH afterwards, particularly in getting the kids...

Since I am in a similar situation, I would say HELL NO!!! His two boys are in the wedding, and my FH and his ex have a decent relationship, but he wouldn't want her there and I definitely don't want her there. This is about our life together...not the past!

Sometimes it makes it more awkward and sometimes it doesn't. My brother and his ex take my niece clothes shopping together, go out to eat together. There aren't any bad feelings and she feels more comfortable with both of them. Personally, my FH and I do what's best for the kids. It sucks being the bigger person sometimes, but I love them as if they were my own and they know that.

Who in there right mind would invite there X to there wedding? I know I wouldn't and I know my FH wont even think twice about it. I wouldn't even invite any of my x in-laws?

You all are going to have to draw the line on this one!!! That's crazy to me! I would never dream of inviting an ex, and neither would my FH!!! Wow!! I'm shocked that she asked!!!

We had pretty much the same dilema here. His ex is remarried, has been for almost 8 years. All of us get along really good. His youngest son is non-verbal fully autistic however. We want him to be able to be at the wedding too, however if he's having one of his moments where he can't deal, we don't want to have to stop the whole wedding to calm him down. So, his ex WILL be at our ceremony in order for him to be there, cause she can keep him calm and quiet too. But she did turn around thinking she was going to our reception. Both my FH and I said NO!! Being at the ceremony so the youngest can be there makes sense, hanging out at OUR reception on OUR day, just way too uncomfortable. She was a little hurt initially but handled it okay in the end. But I was stressing big time when she first mentioned something about being at the reception. That was one great big NOT!!

JNAS-wow you definitely have it tough. One of my scouts is autistic, but verbal. He's a great kid, but it can be a challenge sometimes. And that's great you're having him there and allowing FH's ex there. I'm so glad there are other stepmoms on here because it's tough sometimes!!! (Well, A LOT of the time! Hahaha)

I am going to say don't invite her. My ex and are are really good friends it came down to the point we got married for all the wrong reasons and should of remained friends. But we got two great kids. We have not lived together for 10 years but for the most part will spend hours on the phone talking about the kids or what each of us is doing. He's actually on my guest list but with my FH blessing. They have became good friends and I know ex won't cause a scene. He thinks my FH is great for me and the kids. As a joke my FH even said what about him walking me down the aisle. I am also inviting my older children's paternal grandparents. My realtions with them and their son are not the norm. BTW my ex probally wil not come due to his job.

I would say no. It's your and FH's day. Besides, do you really want everyone holding their breath, when the officient says "Can anyone show just cause, why these two should not be married, speak now or forever, hold your peace"? I wouldn't want to take the chance that she might say something at that time.

Have your FH talk to her, she needs to hear it from him.

No, no no! No ex wife at the wedding. It's your day.

I dont think anyone should have to convince you to invite them to your wedding that someone has to pay for her to be there. I would say hell no! lol but thats me...

Id say no. I know not everyone has a relationship with their ex, like me and mine. We became better friends after seperating, then we ever were married. He even offered to be our officiant (he is an ordained minister). My friends were like "cool", but Im sure my family would have freaked. I dont want my grandmothers having heart attacks. I have decided to leave him off the guest list though. I dont want anyone to feel uncomfortable. I told him he could help out by taking care of our son while I was on my honeymoon.

I would say hell to the no. First of all I think that you are being too nice;for your FH not to have a relationship with her but only the kids ,you should back-off;and let this woman be.because if you don't you'll regret it.Regardless of how he loves you right now with her still in the picture playing on you right now she's waiting on the perfect timing to strike.In my opinion she shouldn't be at your wedding and you know that.Please Ms. if you don't want future problems out of this woman before you marry this man do what you need to do now and eliminate this TRICK.

Umm deanna that TRICK is the mother of his children. Regardless of how much she sucked as a wife she is still the mother of his children and they have to maintain a working relationship for the benefit of the kids. As a product of divorce, let me assure you it's a MUCH healthier environment for the kids when the parents can act like big little boys and girls.

My ex father in law is the one walking me down the aisle, but I am NOT inviting the EX or his new wife even though we still have a pretty friendly relationship. My FH and I both agree on this and if the issue arises I'll calmly remind the Ex that we're here together for our daughter but we have our own separate lives and I don't think the lines should be blurred, it only lays way for problems

Wow. so much great feedback.. thanks everyone, your words really helped!

@Deanna c - while I understand where you are comming from, what ladylee said is correct. She is the mother of his children, and that is something that is respected.

The issue is that she needs to know that we are working together and acting as adults should, for the kids sake.

We told her she was not invited & she threw a tantrum (as expected, because I didn't believe the whole "oh you guys are so good together" act in the first place). She went on and on about us excluding her from an important event in the KIDS life.. can you guys believe that was her comeback.. she tried to guilt trip us. I let my FH start off, but I finally interjected and said "look, this is not about you.. its not even about the kids, this is about him and I and OUR life together.. NOT INCLUDING YOU!!!.. the kids are there because they are HIS KIDS TOO!!!.." and I had to say, "if we were older and they kids were adults, you'd have no reason to be there and you don't have one now"

Hey I'M THE BRIDE IT'S MY DAY.. and I say HELL NO. If EX-Wife wants to attend a wedding, she better get herself another "would be step dad" and plan one. End Of Subject.

Lol well i saw that one coming a mile away. she'll be alright. you guys clearly need to have a discussion about boundaries. yeah it's an important day for the kids but yall have separate lives. you do things separately i assume. like she doesn't come along with the kids for their visits right? she'll get over it. sounds like she just wanted to be nosey!