Invite the EX WIFE?????

Wow, thats a hard one... WIll telling her know cause any issues? If not, I'd say that the venue/budget won't allow additional people...

Yeah that's what I'm thinking. Does this have the potential to damage the rapport? I would lean towards telling her that yall are glad you're able to be cordial for the kids but that's where the line is drawn. And that it makes you both uncomfortable at the thought of exes being at a celebration of your future together. And since both of you say no, I mean it really just comes down to telling her.

I don't think it's a big deal if she can be added in the budget. She is the mother of his child and still has to communicate with him. But if your FH says NO than NO it is.

This is just my opinion and I'm coming from a family with several similar situations. I would say the kids should be a huge consideration. I don't know how old they are, but I imagine they will be at the wedding. Since you all seem to be working together and making attempts to accept one another, I would be inclined to have her there. I wouldn't put her at the family table or include her in the pictures (can you imagine!), but if it helps the kids feel more secure with the changes, then I think it will be worth it. It will be awkward, I'm sure but it will speak volumes to the kids though.

Best wishes to you and your family!

I wouldn't invite her. If you and your FH both said no then no it is. If you don't have a relationship outside of the kids then there is no reason to invite her anyway.

LOL@ my grammar!

Oooooh, I think it's a very bad idea to have her at your wedding...even though you guys are cordial..seems as though you guys have drawn the line in agreement and that's good!! You never know what kind of feelings it may stir up in her. Plus, it's just plain creepy. You want to enjoy your day without any raised eyebrows! I would just tell her politely that while you appreciate your relationship as is esp for the children, if she were allowed to attend then you would have to invite your ex in all fairness [let her assume that he wants to come] and your FH is not having it!! Saves face!

Oh hell no!!! There is no need for your FH ex wife to be there. Cordial relationships does not mean "friends". Cordial is good beacuse there are children involved but do NOT invite her to your "biggest day".

I forgot to mention (didn't have enough space) that thier relationship ended because SHE had an affair.. when would be stepped dad stepped off, she wanted my FI back.. he wanted no parts of it, hence the rocky start. She eventually got over it, so it seemed, but I just don't freakin trust her. The kids could care less if she's there, they love me, him, her all the same and understand mom & dad aren't married anymore and dad & soon 2 b step mom will be. all they care about is getting dressed up and having a day off from school (wedding is on a friday). BTW, thanks for so much feedback.. the weirdo's on theknot were making jokes instead of giving usable advice.

OH, in that case, HELL NO!!! Ask her if she thinks that you're crazy? She may be up to something...do not trust her AT ALL!! She is regretful of their break-up and could be harboring feelings for him...HELL TO THE NO!!!!!

I can understand the lack of trust with the circumstances you added. It is pretty bold for her to think you would be okay with her being there under the circumstances that she created with the affair and trying to come between you and your FI. Sounds like the kids are fine, which I guess was my main thought.

I think you, as the bride, should be able to politely tell her the truth..that you would be uncomfortable with her there since this is your wedding day. That's more than fair and understandable. Whether she understands or not is immaterial. Sounds like the kids have worked it out too.

If the kids don't care that she's not there, then I would probably have FH handle it to tell her no. We've had issues with FH's kids acting really weird when both sets of parents are around. Finally their mom has been getting involved in their activities and coming around, so they're getting used to it. My older stepson has pretty much written his mom off. The younger was is VERY attached and bc she's not involved in their activities, he's always trying to impress her and please her. VERY frustrating for me since I'm his den leader for scouts among other things!

I don't know what your relationship is like, but I let my man handle the touchy issues with his ex (he knows her better than I do! LOL). While I will text/call her and vice versa over more everyday things.

I think that you should just tell her that you and fh have come to a mutual agreement that no exes will be invited to the wedding out of respect for both of you. It is afterall, about new beginnings, not about your past.

If the kids don't want her/need her there and your FH doesn't want her there, then tell him to tell her no. The last thing you need is for her to do something at her wedding (I've heard of more than a few exs showing up drunk at weddings or drinking too much and bothering family members).

@ At Last.. my sentiments exactly. no woman in her right mind is going to be cool with having her FH ex there, and he wants her no where near our day anymore than I do.

we've decided to go with what we want. she is NOT on the guest list.. in spite of her saying "i'm so glad we can work together" i have no doubt that she's crazy enough to show up and act foolish..

here's the kicker, she already knows (thanks to her still being semi-invloved with some of his other fam memebers) the date, time and venue. i really have no worries since we will have a high security presence (its good to have fam on the police force) there, but do i put it past her to show up and cut up since she was left out??-- not at all. the date isn't until sept. but i will certianly keep you guys updated with any new details

I'm sorry but the kids is not a good enough reason to have her there. I would hope there's been plenty of time/conversation to transition the kids into the change. If not, then the wedding is certainly not the time/place to do so. I wouldn't care if no affair or attempts to reconcile existed. I just don't see any good cause to having an ex at your wedding.

Well put Analy.

My dads ex wife, the mother of my 2 little sisters thought she was invited to our wedding. I sent the invitation to my dad & my 2 little sister and she had the nerve to ask, "what about me?? what am i chopped liver?" "umm no. your my dads ex wife. thats all you are" why would she think i would want her at my wedding? the woman that took my dad from my mom?? comon, get real.

i say put it the way analy did. thats straight to the point. :]

No way. I can't believe she even asked.

I am in a similar situation, but my FH and his ex have become good friends and it has been about 6 years since their divorce and there was no "I want you back" drama. I think this all depends on the specific facts of your situation. How old are the kids, are they in the wedding, etc. Sounds like you have good reason to assume she has her own agenda, so in this situation, especially since your FH said no, I would say it is inappropriate to have her there. I also agree with jennhutch, having both sets of parents sometimes makes it more awkward for the kids.

VintageBride, FH and his exwife are good friends too. I don't worry about her wanting him back or anything like that but I still wouldn't want her at my wedding. FH asked me if I was inviting my daughter's father to the wedding and adding that he would be welcome. Uhh NO the hell he would not be welcome. And as a matter of fact let me check your list to make sure your exwife is not on there. Are you kidding me?