How to NOT invite alcoholic friend to wedding while all other friends going?????

Show their picture at the bar and tell them that this person isn't allowed to be served.

I wanted to do that with my future brother in law hahaha

I think the decision is yours. I would talk to her and tell her about your concerns. You have sometime, and maybe it will work itself out. Or you can write on her invitation only that is a dry wedding Good Luck!

Perhaps just give the bar staff the heads up to keep a close eye on her. I know it's not fool-proof, cause she can always get other people to go up for her or whatever, but it might try to limit her. Or if you are close with her, you could perhaps try talking to her. I plan to chatting to my dad before our wedding events.... I wish I had done this before my 21st...

Water her drinks down, but make sure the bar tenders are careful with this and don't make other drinks in front of her. She will get pissed if she finds out though, and she would be pissed if she wasn't served or is cut off. If you don't want to chance any of it, you are going to have to sit down and bite the bullet and tell her, or coward away and ignore her. Either way if you lose her as a friend, is it that really big of a deal? She wasn't good enough to invite to your wedding or she may not be decent enough to understand it is your special day. At least give her a chance first, hopefully she surprises you, in a good way.

I'd be honest with her..like give a warning..i mean has she been outrageous like shedding clothes in public, fights, etc? lol. Just voice your concerns with her..Honestly i'd ask your friend how to approach this since she knows her and we don't..At the end of the day it's your decision, but be gentle with whatever you decide to do.

Talk to the hall and see what type of security they provide for unruly people, or if there is an extra charge for that service.

I would talk to her. If you're friends, you should be able to be real with each other. When you're sitting around doing the DIY projects with her (that was really nice of her to offer to help), you can start it off as a casual convo and go from there.

I have a situation similar in nature, but the difference is my friend has been sober for 16 months (which is awesome That's one of the first things that came up, because we are serving drinks. She said that if she's having a really bad day, she will just stay home, but she thinks it will be fine. I hope your friend gets some help soon!

We have a few friends that are known to drink way too much and get rowdy and out of control at times. We felt that we still needed to invite them to our wedding because they have been close friends for years so we have decided to notify the bartenders ahead of time that they should be cut off after a certain amount of alcohol. That way they're still invited && they can still enjoy a few drinks but be limited.

We're doing this because in the past these few have gotten completely wasted at my FH's brother's wedding and caused some scenes and one in particular showed up to the hospital when my FH's nephew was born and was completely intoxicated.

Ugh we have an aunt and uncle on FH side that are known to become drama queens when drunk, and they are known to get drunk at everything including funerals so yeah feel your pain. Hard to not invite two of FMILs siblings. FH is actually the more adamant that he wants to say something ahead of time because he's going to be a lot more upset if they cause a scene. I say it'll give something for all the other guests to talk about but he doesn't want guests remembering his wedding that way. It's a sucky situation and I'm thinking of telling the bartender to serve them O'dools (sp?) in a glass, don't really care if they can taste the difference (shrug).

I would just talk to her in advance. My BIL is a big drinker (love him, but he's a sloppy drunk). The IL's had a few words with him before the wedding, letting him know that as a member of the family, he needed to keep his drinking under control in case we needed him to help with anything. It worked, and he didn't get sloshed until the late-night party. By then, I was pretty sloshy myself.

Sometimes drinkers work like toddlers - it's better to redirect them instead of lecture them. So I would ask your wedding party to keep her busy throughout the night with random tasks, like helping get people out on the dance floor, making sure someone is talking to Creepy Cousin Fred, etc. Nothing vital, but enough to keep her from having the time to get tanked.

How close a friend is she? Close enough to jump through a few hoops to make sure she stays in line? If not, I think you just don't invite her. This may sound mean, but I think I could live with feeling a little badly that she felt excluded as long as I, myself, would not miss her presence as my friend. You shouldn't have to arrange your wedding around her drinking problem.

However, if she is close enough to invite...then as many others have suggested, you should have the bartenders keep tabs on her drinks and set a limit after which she's cut off, and have other people looking after her. To me, that's a lot of effort (and some imposition on other guests), so she'd have to be worth it to me.

Man I wish I could have got out of inviting my alcoholic ex-roomate (i.e. she was wasted and backed into my car while it was parked and never offered or acknowledged that it happened/I was livid/moved out/haven't spoken to her since).... but the FH insisted it would be too much drama not to since I was inviting the other old roomie. To my dismay she rsvped.... OF COURSE, she knows there will be free booze!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Argh. I say save yourself the trouble and don't invite her. If you aren't close, what's to lose?

Talk to her. Your wedding is still 10 months away she has time to work on herself and get better. If she is your friend you should be less worried about whether or not she can attend your wedding and more worried about her health and getting her help.

@ Sami B. Oooooh great Idea about the O'dools cause her drink of choice is beer and hard to water that down, however I'm sure she will be drunk way before the ceremony Having a talk with her won't help, she's been in and out of detox and doesn't think she has a problem!! My moh seems to think even when she is sober she is not quite all there that it has started to effect her mental status. Guess I'll just play it by ear !

I would suggest you to invite her..............As you said to some point she knows that she is not invited still she wants to help you in your DIY projects..............Tell her honestly about how you are feeling...........Ask her not to drink on your wedding day and tell her that you want this only as your wedding gift from her..........

If she is an alcoholic, and I think that is what you mean when you say "drinking problem", please don't expect her to change or to "get better" for or by your wedding. That's not the way alcoholism works. A good friend (if not you, your MOH?) really should talk to her and express concern about her drinking and for her health and safety. She may not react well, but it may also be the first step toward recovery for her.

Just saw your update. No, I wouldn't invite her if she is not sober. Sounds like she has some serious problems...I hope she gets better, but if she would be drunk before the ceremony, forget it. You're worried about hurting her feelings now, but what happens when you feel like she ruined your wedding?

Suggestions of having the bartender cut certain people off after a certain limit is not fair to the bar staff - it onerously puts the burden of dealing with inappropriate guests on bar staff who are working at YOUR private event. Guests may cause bar staff more trouble because the event is private, and guests may feel they have more license to do as they please. As difficult as it is, be honest with your guests. If your honesty costs you the friendship, then that means they value their drinking over your comfort, safety, and security during one of the most special days of your life - that doesn't sound like much of a friendship to me. If you decide to not include them in the wedding, then that's just how it is.

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