How Tacky Can U Get?????????

If you bring some food and your own alcohol I don't think you should bring a gift. They get one or the other not both. They are rude and selfish.

Wow... I have no problem with pot-luck receptions. But that being said, you should discuss this with your guests before hand, and it also depends on how many people are going. there is no way in hell I would be making enough food for 100 people. And then to add any info about gifts for you is super tacky. I mean, we are doing honeyfund to ask for cash but it sure is not gonna be on the invites! Oi. You are in the right to be upset over this and someone needs to give those kids a wake-up call! Dont plan a wedding beyond your means and expect your guests to make up what you wont plan!

Yes, everything about what you just described sounds beyond tacky.

The potluck and lack of stamp I can forgive (though I would never do either or in such a way). But the money is just crass. And asking for alcohol?

I think the biggest problem is that it's just a huge pile-on of bad taste. One is forgivable. Two is questionable But over that? Then every issue stands out and looks bad.

I've been to potluck weddings where we had to bring some food. Never had to bring my own drink though.

The asking for cash or gift cards seems a little off and doesn't look like a good choice but each to his own.

He sounds super young? Is he young? I think it's hard to believe that she went along with it. My FH says weird stuff like that sometimes and I have to gently guide him in the right direction.

@ M.S.P - had to laugh. I thought the invite said "gift" cards too, but it actually says "gas cards". I have half a mind to bring as a wedding gift a milk jug with a gallon of gas in it, wrapped with some twine! LOL

@ M.S.P. the groom is 26 and just got out of jail after 4 years. the bride is a little younger (not exactly sure how old she is, don't know her well) My son was also asked to be a groomsman and is paying $91 for the tux. (and for a backyard/park wedding, I can't for the life of me see why u would choose a tuxedo) From what he tells me, the groom is just doing whatever his wife-to-be says.

@ Fiona...i totally agree about the regions. I'm a jersey girl and find this very odd. I have seen where close family members help in preparing food for the wedding (heck i've see my Mom prepare food as a kid for almost all my cousins weddings) but that is pre planned and not in the invitation and I find asking for money to be really tacky. I understand money is tight but that just seem rediculous asking for it. I guess if the food is there style then thats fine but the money thing really bothers me too.

IDK, I'd think it would be better just to have a dry wedding a cake /punch reception rather than having people lug all of that..yikes.

Also, semi related..but I wonder who is cooking the pork..given the apparent lack of concern about guests, I hope it's fully cooked..not that that is as huge of an issue these days..but ya never know. If it were me, I'd give them a card, what I normally would in cash..but also I'd probably just eat before, or grab some fast food before the reception. And just bring some wine or something for yourself or to share with your table if you feel you want to.

I dont think I would attend, now i have seen cash asked in good manners. like monetary gifts are preferred

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Okay..he wins.

Ok I am always jumping to defend people so my original response was going to be something to the effect of "from what Sherry said, the grooms mother wrote the invitations. so in her mind it wasn't the Bride and Groom asking for theses things, it was a parent saying, come on these kids don't have much lets help em out. (obviously the mom not having taken wedding etiquette 101 didn't know it was a NO-NO to put gift suggestions in invites)"

BUT after reading Sherry's most recent comment... it seems to me this whole wedding is kinda spur of the moment and not thought through very well. Fancy BP attire while guests bring their own everything?? I am no longer in the mood to cut them slack

Exactly @Amy, there is atime and place for a tux and this ain't it.

Wow that is tacky!!!!!!

I'm totally in the boat that stamps on RSVP's aren't necessary, potluck is fine, I think it's good that they told you if you want alcohol you should bring your own (As long as they will be providing non-alcoholic drinks), but writing about gifts is a big no no.

I will say that you never know- her grandma/aunt/mom may have agreed to buy her dress for her and that is why her dress is expensive, while they still don't have money to spend on the reception.

This would not fly in my social circle. If me and DH decided to spend only $1000 on our wedding, there would be no bridal party, no "traditional wedding dress" and all that other stuff.

Most of the money would be spent on entertaining guests. Wedding receptions are about guests!

While I can totally understand having a budget wedding... your nephew is going about it all wrong!

It seems like the only reason they're having a reception is to rake in the gifts. How can you ask your guests to bring food, drinks, AND cash?

Also, we're allowed to bring our own alcohol for our wedding and the cost of mixers and alcohol for 120 guests is far less than the cost of her dress.

Reminds me of one I recently got invited to:

- The invite was done online.

- The invite was given with a month and a half's notice.

- The wedding is at least 5 hours' drive away.

- On a Friday night.

- At 5 p.m.

- And it's POTLUCK. Seriously? We're going to drop everything, on a work night, to drive 5+ hours, with a casserole in the back seat??

(Also, to the person who made a dig about "well, this IS NY we're talking about, and not NYC but upstate" -- um, we have manners, too. Upstate NY (which is MOST of NY, btw) isn't filled with rude hicks, absolutely not.)

As far as the missing stamp and the gift requests, I can understand why someone would feel that is tacky. the potluck reception, on the other hand, is not unusual in our area.

We chose to have a potluck reception. We had a picnic theme going, so it worked all around. HOWEVER, we worded the invites to say that we would prefer NOT to have gifts, stating that contributions to the potluck, and their presence would be gift enough. Ours was a casual wedding, so we did not feel this was tacky at all. We also had no alcohol, but we had a mid-afternoon wedding. Someone brought a case of beer but for the most part our reception was dry.

In light of the gift request, though, that is being a bit presumptuous.

ETA: The information was included on the reception card of the invite, as well as our website.

My only issue is that this is all stated on the invitation rather than being a word of mouth thing.

My aunt had a potluck reception because she really couldn't afford it otherwise, and we have a very large family. I have to say, the food ended up being way better than if it had been catered

But the request to bring a dish was passed word of mouth through the family. I don't remember what the situation was with alcohol... I suspect my aunts/uncles (her sisters/brothers) probably helped with that. Her gown was my grandmother's with a few adjustments, and the band was one my cousin is in so playing was their gift to the couple. It was a ton of fun

Oh, and I did bring a gift along with food ($100 cash)... my aunt has never had much so not giving her one would have been a horrible thing to do imo.