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Dedicated July 2012

How Tacky Can U Get?????????

Sherry, on July 12, 2012 at 9:48 AM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 106

Just got my nephew's wedding invitation and am floored. I expected tacky but this is the limit! 1st thing: no stamp on the response card. Really? 2nd thing: "Please bring a dish to pass if you are able to. We will supply chicken and pulled pork". ??????? NEVER in my 51 yrs have I been asked to BRING...

Just got my nephew's wedding invitation and am floored. I expected tacky but this is the limit! 1st thing: no stamp on the response card. Really? 2nd thing: "Please bring a dish to pass if you are able to. We will supply chicken and pulled pork". ??????? NEVER in my 51 yrs have I been asked to BRING FOOD TO SOMEONE ELSE'S WEDDING. 3rd thing: Please bring your own alcohol as we will only be providing wine for the toast. SMH. I'm not a big drinker, but i guess its the old "bring your own FOOD AND ALCOHOL" that gets me. and LAST but not LEAST: "gift ideas: gas cards and cash for the honeymoon." R U KIDDING ME???????? i know I'm being judgemental but O.M.G.!!! what does everyone else think? Wouold you bring a dish to pass? what would you do for a gift?

106 Comments

  • Jennifer
    VIP September 2012
    Jennifer ·
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    I wouldn't be too offended about the food and alcohol. Actually a cousin of mine did the same thing but her and her fiance (now husband) didn't have the money for a big ceremony or reception, so it was kind of expected tha tit would be more like a family get together. The wording about the gifts though is DEFINITELY TACKY. Have you talked to your sister/brother (the parent of your nephew)? It wouldn't do any good after the fact really, just curious if they had 'help' making up their invites or not. Also, your nephew might not have had any input in the invites, that is normally the bride to be's job - so it could totally be a faux pass on the woman he is marrying.

  • Sara
    Super September 2012
    Sara ·
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    It just seems like they went about everything wrong... never ask for gifts on invites. Stamp could be a simply oversight and put-luck could really be fun, but shouldhave been dealt with differently IMO. Just grin and bear it I guess..... Smiley smile

  • Donna
    Super September 2013
    Donna ·
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    $1200 dress and bring your own food (and enough for some our "guests" too), drink, and gas cards for us. What in the world?

    That's gonna be some shindig.

  • Jennifer
    Super November 2012
    Jennifer ·
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    I completely agree about the invite being tacky, I don't care where you are from. Unless you are marrying your relative in an open field and plan on living under a rock then you should have at least a tiny bit of pride. When you are having a wedding you are planning a party. There is nothing wrong with a park wedding and a backyard reception. However, you should be able to provide your guests with the basic essentials to be comfortable such as chairs, water, a restroom, a small snack, etc. There is no need to go crazy on the food or just have a cake and punch reception. It looks like your nephew basically said 'hey, we are gonna be hanging out here about this time so bring food and drinks and we will let you spend time with us. Oh yeah, could I also get some money to pay my bills? Thanks bunches.' There is not a single thing ok with that. Why not just charge people at the door?

    Sherry, I guess at this point you should be happy they MIGHT just provide the toilet paper.

  • S
    Dedicated July 2012
    Sherry ·
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    LOL Jennifer...you touched on all my points exactly. Actually, I am worried about the bathroom situation. I haven't asked my sister in law (it's her son getting married) who did the invite wording. at this point I don't trust myself to even bring it up. I'm also worried about the weather being really hot (the wedding is Aug. 11th) My hubby is a quadriplegic in a wheelchair. the wedding's at 2pm and they are eating at 4pm. I'm almost thinking of getting in the car between 2 and 4 and going to dinner with hubby to a nice air conditioned restaurant. Then we can stop at a liquior store before going back to the reception. :-)

  • Clare316
    VIP September 2011
    Clare316 ·
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    Holy crap Tackytown has a new mayor! I don’t care where you’re from, no part of that is acceptable for a wedding.

  • Nichole
    Super July 2012
    Nichole ·
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    It could be your nephew sent that invitation to you asking for help since you're his aunt. I don't think he was trying to be tacky...

    Also, this is one of the reasons to me some people feel pressured to spend money they don't have because when they ask for help they get this type of response.

  • Just Reenski
    Master December 2012
    Just Reenski ·
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    @Nichole, it's one thing to ask for help, which you would usually do via phone/email, not in an invitation. Many of us have stated that a potluck wedding wouldn't be a big deal.

    But if you have $1200 to spend on a dress, you have money to buy some food -- that part is simply a lack of priority. You can do a wedding for $1000, probably less, but you wouldn't have a fancy dress for that, ya know?

  • S
    Dedicated July 2012
    Sherry ·
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    What Nichole? I haven't said anything to them about their invitation. If they had privately asked me for help, I would have gladly done it. The invitation was sent to everyone the same way. When you ask for both food and cash gifts, you're not spending YOUR money you don't have, your asking for MY money (that I don't have either).

  • WasSoon2BMrsSmith
    Master September 2010
    WasSoon2BMrsSmith ·
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    Each to their own. - I would spend what I would at any wedding $100 per person, that said I would take some of that money and make a dish to bring and some of that money to buy some booze and mix and give them the rest. It's not my style but it's no big deal.

    So. My cousins shower invite. BTW my date was set and I was engaged for 6mths before my cousin set her wedding 1 week before mine...NE who... Her shower invite says on it. We have everything we need but money would be appreciated.

    And I thought F-U biatch, I don't have everything I need so I'll save my money to buy the stuff I need. grrr

  • S
    Dedicated July 2012
    Sherry ·
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    Good idea on what to do for gift/food Soon2b. sorry you got screwed by your cousin :-(

  • Amanda
    Super July 2013
    Amanda ·
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    That is completely tacky, what is this a 4th of July block party no its a wedding.

  • justine
    Super July 2013
    justine ·
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    I stand by this, its a wedding not a bbq.

    but this is a little hilarious that some one could send that hahah

  • Christina
    Master October 2017
    Christina ·
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    @Fiona & Vanessa - Just wanted to jump in here and say that since you actually are required to choose a specific location when posting on the forums, you can also choose to view only posts that are in the region that interest you.

    I think many members simply keep the forums on the defaulted 'All Forums' view, since it's easier and then you get to see all the discussions --- but if you go to to the top of the main forum page where it says 'All Forums,' you can click on the 'change location' link to select a specific region.

    I hope that helps! Smiley smile

  • LadyHopkins
    Super May 2012
    LadyHopkins ·
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    I see no problem with them asking people to bring food or alcohol, my problem is they should have asked certain guests to do this and def not on the invitations. No stamps, no biggie. Asking for cash, big no no! Heck, they should have done like us and had a casual park wedding. It was still classy for a super low price.

  • Dex
    Master September 2012
    Dex ·
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    I don't know, I wouldn't be totally offended if I received the invite. Potluck weddings are common nowadays, and seeing how it's in the moms backyard, it's not like they can have a cash bar. The gift ideas are a little off being in the invite, so I'm guessing they #1 didn't look up the etttiquet (which is obvious lol). #2 didn't have a shower so they were thinking people would want to know what to get them if they wanted to get them a gift., ppl are going to judge you whether you have a $900 wedding or a $90k wedding. To each their own, as we are reminded so many times on here, it's one day we shouldn't stress and when it's all said and done the only thing that matters is that you are married to your best friend nobody is going to remember your wedding except for you.

  • LadyHopkins
    Super May 2012
    LadyHopkins ·
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    One more thing, her dress should be fairly casual and the guys should be in slacks or even nice jeans. Its what I would expect just based on the invite. Definately NOT ballgown and tuxes, it just doesn't 'match'.

  • Serenity
    Super December 2012
    Serenity ·
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    Dex, you said it so eloquently Smiley smile Thank you.

    I think the main thing that went wrong here is that they wrote everything on the invitation itself, instead of on a website and/or word of mouth.

  • Just Reenski
    Master December 2012
    Just Reenski ·
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    ...and that she apparently spent $1200 on her dress then asked people to bring food and drinks...

    If you don't have it to spend, that's fine. But if you had $1200 for a dress, you had at least $1000 to put towards your guests. Don't want to put that towards your guests? Don't invite them.

  • 2d Bride
    Champion October 2009
    2d Bride ·
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    RSVP cards are not required at all--putting stamps on them is a practical measure to get replies, not required by etiquette. And I wouldn't have an issue with a potluck wedding. However, if anyone has a potluck wedding, bringing food should be in lieu of a gift. And providing registry information in the invitation--much less specifying cash--is a no no even if your guests weren't already providing gifts in the form of food and drink for the wedding.

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