How can I move past disappointing proposal, engagement ring, and wedding?

Since you're only looking for advice on how to get over the disappointment, here's some advice: write down the things you are grateful for. Seriously. Everyday, write down three things. Your husband, your kids, your job? Anything.

An exercise I often do with my therapy clients (and even myself) is 3 things I'm grateful for, 3 things that went right today, 3 things I'm looking forward to tomorrow. Try that, but with the wedding. 3 things that went right (I woke up, everyone was on time, I married the man of my dreams), 3 gratitude statements, 3 good things about your marriage. Change your thinking so that instead of dwelling on what you're not happy with, you're thinking about what you are grateful for.

Also, just a note. My FH never liked his birthday. He saw it as just another day. He proposed to me on his birthday so that it would become special. Maybe your husband was trying to take a day you don't like and make it special for you.that's pretty sweet and thoughtful. It sounds like while you were sitting around wishing things were different, your husband tried to plan the best wedding he could for you. Your disappointment is indicative of deeper problems- you may want to consider counseling.

You posted about this a year ago on another website and you're still not over it. The problem isn't the proposal or the wedding it is your relationship. Because if you were happily married then you wouldn't be hung up on the proposal or wedding. A ring is just a ring. You can get a new one. Clearly your husband didn't have the money but still wanted to get you one and he said he'd get you one in five years. You got deeper problems than a proposal and a wedding.

Eta: yeah what Cheyenne said. You got engaged in December but married in October. 10 months. You were upset the wedding didn't have alcohol but you were pregnant and couldn't drink. Your stories don't add up, you're clearly here for attention.

On further note , why did YOU wait 8 months to start planning your wedding ?? When you already knew you were pregnant with your 2nd child ...there was seriously no need to rush ..since you didn't even start the planning process til 8 months after ...

Something smells fishy to me because she copy and pasted the first half of this post from a post she made on a different forum a while ago.

You need to put your big girl panties on and move on from it. You didn't have the dream proposal..so what? You don't have the perfect ring..so what? Your husband got you something he could afford because he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. You're upset about your dress..there are many people I know who have gotten off he rack dresses. You ultimately picked the dress. If you didn't like it why pick it?? Your flowers were the wrong color...who cares? They're flowers. They die. What matters is you married a man you love, the father of your children. A wedding day is a party. You had the most important part..the joining of two lives and the start of a family.

My FH proposed to me surrounded by stacks of laundry in our bedroom a week before Christmas. He had planned to do it Christmas Eve, but got too excited and didn't want to wait.

IT WAS ONE OF THE HAPPIEST DAYS OF MY LIFE.

Is it the proposal I would have imagined? No.

Is it the ring I would have picked? Probably not.

Are we having my "dream"'wedding? Nope.

Does any of that matter? Not one bit. Because I love him, and I love our life. And it's ours.

You chose to accept the ring and let him rush the wedding. Your choices. It's too late now. Being upset and ungrateful is only making it worse.

You have 2 kids and a man who loves you. You're a lot luckier than most.

There is a picture of the ring in the Wedding Bee post. When you said it was her "right hand ring" I was expecting some kind of "cocktail" ring. But that is a straight up solitaire engagement ring. Why the heck did the other guy give it as a birthday present? Weird ... Anyway ... It is a really pretty ring that your husband probably paid plenty for. Why didn't you just have it reset?

If you're not a troll, then I'm concerned for you. I think you should see a counsellor to work through these pervasive negative feelings.

Everyone else is correct, you made those choices. Is that not how you see it?

Why was your room messy? Why didn't you try on dresses at a salon? Why didn't you put aside more cash for a wedding? Why did you rush everything when you already had a kid? Why did you get pregnant with baby number 2? If you wanted something different, you should have made different decisions. Outside of the proposal, nothing you mentioned was something that was 100% your fiance's fault. Expensive, fairytale-looking lives don't just happen.

OMFG Rachel, you can't just ask people why they got pregnant. That question is none of your business and OP doesn't have to justify it.

Ugh. Rachel's opinions are the worst.

Yeah FH barely proposed. We were in the bedroom of a B&B in PA, He got nervous, pulled it out, and just kept smiling. Didn't get on his knee. I cried, he put it on my finger. We fucked, he asked while we were fucking lol. Then when we were done I told him he had to get on his knee "to make it official" (I was joking) but he did it. And you know what? Idc. It was a cluster fuck of a proposal (some what literally lol) but he did it the way he could.

ETA: it was better than being his "girlfriend forever" as he use to tell me all the time. MOST men don't want to get married. Commitment that big scares some, if not most. So if he chose to PROPOSE to YOU... It means something.

Normally I'm really patient about this kind of stuff because everyone is entitled to their opinion however it sounds like you have a horrible attitude about all of this. If you didn't want to be rushed, delay the wedding and don't plan it in two months. If you knew rain was a possibility, book a venue with a backup option. If you wanted custom menus why didn't you make them yourself? Stop it with the pity party.

You know... My first marriage we got married in Vegas because I wanted to make a decision about my relationship instead of the government... So, him and I went to David's Bridal, bought the first thing that was "ok" and fit and walked out of the dressing room with it still on. Paid, left, went to a chapel, bought a 3 rose bouquet. He bought the ring for under $200 at Walmart. Nobody was there.

I was discontent for awhile and would have waves wash over me where I was super dissatisfied and felt like I missed something important. I wanted a vow renewal, as time went on and we were living our lives I realized I didn't want to waste money on a vow renewal and I GOT OVER IT! The only time he wanted to have a vow renewal was after he cheated on me. When I got upset about it it was times when I was not happy about our marriage and my relationship. I think you do have bigger issues...

And why are you having two kids with a man you seem to believe can't do anything right? You may not tell him these things in person but trust me, you show him in your actions, I would bet on it.

Are you glad to be married?

I think weddings are overrated. Despite spending so much time thinking about and planning my wedding, it would be really terrible if that is the best day of our lives! It's supposed to be a fun time to spend with your loved ones and have their support as you publicly affirm your love for one another, but it's still just one day, and it's a celebration of love and marriage. Focus on your marriage, not the wedding. But it kind of seems like you're not happy in your marriage either? Is all the resentment really about the proposal and the wedding, or is it about other things too?

I'm not sure that not talking to FH about this is really sparing his feelings, because he probably can tell that you're resentful/distant/upset about something-- we're not as good at hiding these things as we like to think. Instead, he probably knows you're unhappy but doesn't have any understanding of why and isn't able to do anything to help. That can't be a good feeling for him either! I don't think you're going to be able to get over this resentment on your own until you can talk to someone about it. But I also don't think you're going to have a productive conversation on your own. Maybe a couples counselor, or some therapy for yourself, can help you understand why this is bothering you so much.

Edited to add that even if you had more time to plan your wedding, that's no guarantee that it would work out any better. Over the past year there have been a lot of frustrating moments when the reality of the money you have to spend is obviously not going to get you the things you see in blogs and magazines. So instead of focusing on what went wrong with your wedding and contrasting it to the perfection you see in movies/the internet, remember that you also could have spent a bunch more time, energy, and money and still ended up feeling like you were compromising all over the place :-P

The way you get over it is to seek some professional help. If you have depression I think it is likely these issues and your feelings are tied together.

Try to focus on the good - know you have a man who loves you and your 2 kids - and one less than perfect day won't change thta

I am confused as to why you posted this here, as a copy and paste, from a Wedding Bee post that you made over one year ago?

Seriously, i you are not a troll, you need to get over it and move on. Get professional help, if needed.

Kylie, it sounds like all these things you listed which you are disappointed with are just symptoms of underlying issues, you sound very depressed and I get the impression there may be issues with your husband that you didn't (understandably) include here. Resentment can and will destroy a relationship, add the stress of trying to raise young children to the mix and you could well be on a path toward serious heartache.

Please look into counseling, I believe the expectations for you placed on the engagement, ring, and wedding which disappointed you--tbh, that does sound like a rushed wedding and a ring that was not thoughtfully chosen--so yes, I can understand your disappointment in this regard. As I said, these feelings seem to be symptoms for something more hurtful underneath and so it's urgent for you to seek help to speak with someone about it; you want to ensure these resentments do not hurt you or your family and you need to get yourself onto a happier path. Please seek counseling. Good luck!

Eta clarity

I'm sorry you unhappy. But I have zero patience today for what I'm calling nonsense. First, this is so trollish it's almost amusing. Second, if your indeed not a troll, you sure have a problem with the word "no". No to planning a wedding while sick, no to FH who wants to rush things, no to waiting. Seems all FH wanted was to make you his wife. Get over it and say no honey let's wait when it's appropriate.