How can I move past disappointing proposal, engagement ring, and wedding?

Seriously? You didn't have to plan a wedding In 2 months. You could have had a longer engagement. You could have put the "right" ring on a Layaway plan. It's not about the how but about the why he proposed. Sheesh. Plan a vow renewal And stop being a brat to your husband

You say your husband doesn't know how you feel...but I'm sure he does. You can't hide unhappiness like that from your spouse.

Plan a vow renewal and plan it the way you want. Focus your time and energy on your marriage and children.

My proposal wasn't perfect BUT I love him and we have the rest of our lives to be make moments, be surprised, and get things perfect. Explain to him that you've always imaged something different. Then let him know you still appreciate it and you aren't caught up on material things, BUT you expect the best because you would give him the best.

Try finding SOMETHING positive. ANYTHING. You're complaining about superficial things. No you don't have some cutesy story about how he proposed with an elaborate getup and a 3 carat VVS solitaire with baguettes on the shank, but you have a husband who loves you enough to have committed himself to you for the rest of your lives. Many women are still waiting for their boyfriends to even pretend to love them. You have 2 kids (presumably healthy since you didn't say otherwise). There are women (some of which have probably commented on this thread) that want nothing more in this world than to be able carry and give birth to a child and have been told that they'll NEVER have the chance to do so. I've dealt with depression and anxiety so I understand it's harder than just "getting over it" but stop allowing it to consume you...assuming you're not trolling.

All this stuff about no sex... it sounds like there's a lot of bigger issues there than just a disappointing proposal and wedding.

You came here for advice? Well, you've gotten it. People are telling you these are issues that you should not be concerned about and need to seek help if you're struggling so much with them.

You just aren't hearing what you want to hear: sympathy.

You should care less about these materialistic things and be focused on a happy and healthy marriage. That's what it's all about. If you can't, you NEED to go to counseling.

I get where your coming from love... I feel like most people are being really ugly to you but I can understand why your disappointed... I would be upset about the ring situation too... you feel like he didn't put much thought into the proposal and it didn't have to be elaborate or expensive you just wanted something special and meaningful... that's not too much to ask for... I don't really have a answer about how to get over the disappointment but just know your not wrong for feeling that way

FutureMarriedWifexo--I don't agree with the statement that MOST men don't want to get married that's an old hype that men are commitment phobic propagated by years of negative media/movie portrayals, silly old myths, disproportionate surveys, and misogynist jokes about 'catching a man' or 'dragging a man to the alter'.

Your opinion is based on your life experiences so I'm not saying it's invalid, I'm guessing your view is based on younger men you know or knew before your FH, yet your opinion was stated as fact and that's not the case.

Today, men are just as likely as women to say they want to marry and to list love as the best reason to marry.

http://www.everydayhealth.com/news/men-are-just-as-likely-as-women-want-marry/

I agree with your last statement of OP's husband choosing to propose means something--love, stability, family, companionship--I just don't agree with your opinion on how you reached that premiss.

ETA words

So the ring, proposal, and wedding was disappointing - but how is the marriage? Because in reality that is what counts.

I'm sorry it's not what you wanted. Maybe you can try to get a different ring in the future. Maybe you can renew your vows someday.

I hope you have a great marriage.

If you wanted the experience of a real wedding, a real wedding dress, a real venue, and floral arrangements, then you should've given it a lot more time. If you were pregnant, then you should've waited until after your baby was born. When things like that are rushed, then that is bound to happen.

The way he proposed is not horrible. He asked you to marry him in a messy room on your least favorite holiday. If my FH did that, I would be so happy. Maybe he can upgrade the ring later on down the road when he can afford to if you hate it. You are letting materialistic things get to you.

To add: If you want to move pass it, realize that the ring and the wedding itself is just a materialistic event to celebrate your marriage, and not actually your marriage. If you love each other, and your family, and you have a strong relationship, then that's what matters. If you want to make up for it, then have a vow renewal. To make it more special, do it on your anniversary (or the weekend of), in front of family and friends. My dad always used to say about rough or less than perfect times, "Someday, we're going to look back on this and laugh about it." I take that to heart al the time.

Put on your big girl panties and move on. If you continue to harbor these feelings, your marriage won't last very long. You can't go back and change things that have happened. My legal wedding was in the ICU with my dying father, I would not change it for anything. It was not the perfect day, I cried the entire time and lost my father 4 days later. I still had my big day (2.5 months later) but without my father who I stood with during his 20 month cancer fight. Day after day, for months I helped care for him. To say I was his rock is an understatement. I missed 3 Dr appointments and a chest xray in almost 2 years. DH stood by myside the entire time.Life happens, quit dreaming of fairy tails and get over it.

Talk to him about it and ask for some kind of redo if you think it will forever stick in your mind as a bad memory

Uhm, not gonna read all these comments because, well....wine....

BUT, if you aren't miserable in your marriage & you're just disappointed by the things you pointed out here, how bout, live your life & for your maybe 5th or 10th year anniversary renew your vows & plan properly & make sure you speak with him about your ring issues.....so he gets it right next time or you can appreciate better the ring he chooses...

Hunn,,, really stop and think about this,,,, it all went bad, ok, in 60 yrs. You will laugh about it all,,, that's your memories,,, nothing went right, but yet y'all made it through... Life is full of this, always giving us twist and turns, I also am planning my wedding in 61 days.... Hubby you can ALWAYS renew ur vows, always make it what you want, but hunny it's ok, PLZ just find some happiness in all this, because life can and will always throw curve balls your way.... Smile, at night you have your babies, and a husband,.... A FAMILY...... So what if the menus were bad, so what it was raining, grab a bar of soap and so plastic, and slid.... Enjoy your ride.....

Ps,,, hunn I'm getting married in my front yard, with barly ANY family there, I'm making my own cake, I will be bare footed, and the guys are wearing kaky shorts, with camo,,, my flower girls are in dollar store dresses, I am making my own flowers, and it will only be 4 bouqes, mine maid of honor, and 2 brides maids,,,, my ring is not real, I was proposed to in my pjs, in front of friends, and I had to stand up off the couch in front of him.... Sweety,,, I WILL NVR. EVER CHANGE A THING OF ANY OF THIS, because at the end of the day, I AM GOING TO WALK DOWN MY AISAL TO THE MAN I WANT TO BE WITH FOR EVER!!!!!!!,,,, I also am doing everyone's hair and makeup.... So if it goes all well, then good,,, but if there's ANY FLAWS, GUESS WHAT I WANT THOSE PICS. TO REMEMBER....

We have given you advice, and also solutions. Pretty sure therapy and a vow renewal have been suggested quite a few times. Try those options.

@Rachel, Are you fucking kidding me? She has 2 beautiful children, obviously unplanned, but not less important or loved. Throwing the fact that she got pregnant in her face is stupid. Also, it takes 2 to tango, I will never understand why when a woman gets pregnant it's HER "fault" they BOTH made a choice there, HE was just as responsible as she was.

Not gana lie I'd be mad at having a friends girlfriends old ring, especially since you don't even like the girl. But guys don't always think as emotionally as we do, not meant as a diss just my opinion. He probably saw the ring and was like ok cool I can get her a nice, I'm assuming it's at least nice?, ring and save money because I'm getting it from a friend. Meanwhile most of us would look at the ring and just see the other couples relationship attached to it. Nothing against used rings.

Explain the situation like that to him so he doesn't think you just want a more expensive ring.

As for the rest, life happens and you weren't able to have the wedding you hoped for. Enjoy the marriage that you do ha and start saving up for a vow renewal that will fulfill all your wedding dreams.

I have 2 school of thoughts on this:

1. My 1st proposal, he was naked!! My 2nd was in front of a mall... lol. Not everyone gets that "moment", and when I did years later and it was planned, it wasn't me or him, and it just didn't feel right. When it was unplanned, we didn't even have the ring, but it was all in what he said. The moment was he and I alone, late at night, sitting on my bed in the dark... nothing fancy.

2. This is a remarriage. At my last wedding there were small things I've always wished we either had the money for or taken the time to do. Namely, a bouquet that was MINE, our daughters matching dresses, and a small 1 tier cake. We planned our wedding in a month, maybe a month and a half. And even though I was always I didn't have those things, I loved that man with every fiber of my being... and THAT was more important than any flowers, or dress, or sugary confection. If we had ever gotten sealed (LDS marriage ordinance to bind a couple eternally), I would have had those things then. And incidentally, he proposed via MSN messenger with a ring EMOTICON!! I never got an engagement ring, or even the wedding band I wanted. I had simple, plain yellow gold band with migraine edging. But, I adored the man more than the ring.

You've GOT to change your perspective if you want to get over these regrets and losses.

Can we see a picture of the ring? And some pictures of the wedding?