How can I move past disappointing proposal, engagement ring, and wedding?

I would be disappointed, but if I had been in your shoes I probably wouldn't have tried to rush a wedding or choose to focus on the material aspects of having a wedding vs. getting married to the person I love. FH won't be finished with grad school until August and it has been up to me to put away our portion of wedding costs (which is most of them). In order to have the wedding day we agreed to have, we chose a date next year. In order to have the marriage we want, we don't chastise each other over the cost of THINGS. Maybe the ring of an acquaintance isn't exactly ideal, but you can always get a different one in the future. Likewise, you can always have another party. Do these events really take away from the man you love and your children/life together that you are questioning everything, really?

Time to get over it.

Or, based on Britti's post, time to get a new hobby.

How about you should of waited to get married if you wanted perfection and even then it wont be perfect you sound like an entitled brat be greatful and dont make him feel like garbage because this is all he could afford at the time my parents were married in my grandmas back yard with fake rings it wasnt until their 25th wedding anniversary they got real diamond wedding bands they were just happy to marry one another sorry i dont usually get involved in ridiculous post like this but this ticked me off i feel sorry for your husband because you hold this over him all the time move on plan something else down the road and grow up

I have only one thing to say: did you marry the man you want to spend the rest of your life with? If so, everything else is minor details. Change your perspective of things. Maybe he wanted to make Christmas a good holiday for you, maybe he couldn't afford a new fancy ring and box so he got what he could so he can marry the women he loves, no your wedding day didn't go as planned and that sucks, but you could have laughed about things and oh well because at the end of the day you still got married and can have a great memory even if things didn't go the way you hoped.

OMG. Seriously?! We can't call trolls out anymore? Next thing we know, Jashley will be back and people will be trying to give her advice on how to get her Starbucks without making the rest of the church van mad.

Kylie do you accept any responsibility for all this unhappiness? Sounds like you blame him but you rushed through everything bought any dress grabbed any pair of shoes. Let the salon choose your hair and makeup. Sounds like you were kind of lazy and now are blaming others.

I'm very sorry you're so disappointed. I've been there. Some of my friends have been there. In my experience, the disappointment is born not of a crappy wedding, but a crappy relationship. I was there, I know how it feels. It's not the ring, the dress, or the bouquet, it's a lack of caring. Feeling that he wants to rush the wedding so he doesn't have to put any thought into it and you only realize it later. I think you need to really think about this. Will a new ring and a pretty vow renewal make it all better, or is it just the relationship that you've worn out on?

I hope it works out for you, OP.

Actually you should be talking with him about this. He's the only one who can help you (aside from you) get past this.

Would I be upset if I wasn't wearing my dream dress? Maybe but I also wouldn't bow to the pressure to get married hastily. Two people made that decision. You could have put the brakes on and said no.

I am going to be honest with you. I can definitely sympathize with you. I'm sorry that you are unhappy with your proposal, your engagement ring, and your wedding day. The proposal you couldn't control and it sounds like your DH didn't put very much thought into making it romantic. I understand how that can hurt. I can also definitely understand why you don't like that he got you a used ring. It would be different if he had bought it at a pawn shop, but to buy it from someone you know - yea, that's awkward. However, you need to put yourself in his shoes. He purchased something within his means. If you were unhappy about it, you should have talked to him about it before your wedding and compromised - maybe sold it, and bought a new one that you picked out together, that hadn't belonged to someone you know. You can still do that! You can also spend a little bit of money to get the ring dipped (which will get rid of the scratches).

As for your wedding day- you need to take responsibility for your own happiness. YOU got pregnant again. YOU chose to get married while pregnant. YOU chose to have a 2 month engagement instead of waiting and saving up longer. YOU chose the dress you wore. YOU chose not to pick hair and makeup for that day (and what do you mean you didn't have time to pick hair and makeup?? It's as easy as a google search). YOU chose to reserve a park for only an hour for pictures (or at least, chose to allow your husband to do it). YOU chose the reception that you had. Now, it sounds like that's what you could afford and that was a wise decision. If you had waited longer, or not gotten pregnant when you did, maybe you could have saved up for a reception that was more what you imagined or a honeymoon. Also, all the complaints of no sex... if you want to have sex with your man, have sex!! That's on you, too. I'm sorry that you are disappointed, I really am, but there is no one to blame but you.

You sound very unhappy when you should be glad that you found a man that loves you, and you have a beautiful family together. Maybe you should look into some short-term counseling to help you get over your disappointment and help change your perspective.

I know I'd be disappointed too, if he didn't even make the effort to clean the ring and plan a sweet proposal. It's the thought that counts, not the expense of the ring. And he didn't think about how to make it as nice as possible. Am I right? He didn't show much effort to you, and you are disappointed in his lack of effort. I bet you guys have different love languages, and you feel he doesn't think through what would make you happy. It sounds like you do need counseling. I'm sure this affecting your life greatly, whether you tell him or not.

You picked the dress! You planned the wedding too, so if he rushed you you let it happen. Get therapy if you can't move past it, but this is seriously just a pity party at this point.

I think you are focusing on the wrong things now. Focus more on your kids and talk to him more than worrying about the wedding and the ring.

It sounds like you're disappointed generally. Try real disappointments like knowing your mum will never get to see you walk down the aisle because she got diagnosed with lung cancer and died within 3 weeks. Okay your ring might have been second hand and your wedding may have felt rushed but you had the option to say let's delay things till we can have the wedding of our dreams. You say you're disappointed you never had sex on schedule? Is that really something to focus on as, if you're pregnant, you both obviously do have sex.

When it all boils down to it, a wedding is just a day, an engagement is just a plan for the wedding. A marriage is what really counts. Make that part work, and the rest doesn't matter.

You still haven't actually said if you are happy with your marriage. It sounds like you are not. If that is the case, then as others have said, counseling could probably really benefit the two of you.

Kylie--I went through a grief class not so much of dealing with the loss of my estranged first husband but more of the loss of dreams. (Not the wedding of my dreams, relationship with husband and mu parents whixh starting from them not respecting I may make choices they didn't like and a lot of guilt. My husband chose to take it out on me. Needless to say it ended in him leaving and passing away 6 months later) Enough about me. One of the things they challenged me with is writing a record of losses. Make a list of everything you felt like you missed out with the proposal engagement and wedding. Talk about it. Own you feelings, they are all ok. When you are ready do something that allows you to release the loss so,you can move on. One thing I did was release the loss was say what I was releasing while wringing water out of my daughter's clothes last night . The second time was what I am allowing in instead. I am planning on releasing a couple of balloons at the place where he died on Memorial Day weekend. It is just an idea. You do need to talk to someone DH of you can, a trusted friend or a counselor. ETA if not of.

I think you may be suffering from PPD and that hung like a black cloud over what should have been a happy occasion and is making you sad even still. Please go see a counselor

You needed to speak up when all this planning and rushing was going on and put a stop to it. You didn't. You needed to communicate with your FH. You didn't. You played a part in this also. Welcome to the real world. Things do not always go as planned.

I am sorry you feel so bitter about your wedding, but you need to get help and move past this.

I also agree with JoRocka. I am thinking troll also.

What if you start thinking about doing a vow renewal in a few years. If you start thinking about it now and plan little things maybe it will give you something positive to associate with everything. Or plan a nice vacation for your anniversary

If I knew how to suck it up and forget about it, I wouldn't be asking for advice.

This has ZERO to do with my kids or the marriage otherwise. I feel like 3 major life events were spoiled, can never be redone, and I don't get why I'm a huge jerk for being sad about it.

ETA: yes, I do suffer from perinatal depression and PPD.