Help! Pastor Won't Marry you!

...lived with their parents and dated someone and had sex?... I was having high school flashbacks.

For anyone who thinks the bible is a literal interpretation of the word of god, please read this link...if you eat shrimp you are going to hell. (leviticus)

http://www.psr.edu/news/former-miss-california-defends-same-sex-marriage

Megan b., who disrespected the pastor? Not I.

Also, I don't think that couples moving away from each other at the pastors request necessarily means that they believe what he does, just that he wants them to marry him. Only God can see what in our hearts. As I have said many times in this thread, the pastor has every right not to marry those who he doesn't want to marry, and yes pastors are held to a higher responsibility. Even still it stresses me that a pastor would, even in his own right turn away a couple trying to make their relationship right under God. As many said, the couple could have a civil ceremony, go to some other church, but yet in still, that pastor has now missed the opportunity to pour into that couples life. People don't change their minds or their ways overnight. I just don't see Jesus turning away folk because they were not like him or as "holy" as he would want them to be. Just because you sin in one area of your life means that you cannot move into a closer

Relationship with God or be delivered in another area of your life? I don't think so.

Marriage might be just the thing for a couple who is not living how God intended them to, to grow in Christ on a whole different level.

I had the same problem! my mom's pastor, and the pastor of the church I grew up in refused to do a "public wedding" unless we seperated for 6 months and refrained from sexual contact and went to counseling. if we didn't seperate we still would have to not have sex to even do a private "shamefull" wedding! and every other church I've talked to refused because we weren't members. so I"m just hiring an officiant. kinda sucks and I was so upset but its okay, it is how it is.

Oh and I understand a pastor's moral obligation to their beliefs and their church. it hurt my feelings because I've known him forever and affording an officiant is difficult. plus I know others he has made exceptions for and that in my opinion isn't being very christianly

I think that this whole religion thing is to eaches own and it may be how that pastor feels or what has been taught to that congregation. I think that it is judgemental because who knows us as humans more than the man above. I am a christian, but I think if the damage has already been done, then what will make or break a couple of months living without the sin of fornication. All sin weigh the same, so if thats the case then everything we do in life is a sin. There is no perfect human that walks this earth today. I think that she should find someone else to marry them unless they can deal with the fact of seperation until marriage.

Every pastor is different, there is some churches that goes way overboard. Just be careful of what pastor you want. It upsets me when I see some pastors are teaching wrong things to Christians instead explaining about the bible. I am very picky of what church I go to. Some churches is a cult. But the pastor that said not live together until marriage, he was trying to teach the couple of the meaning monogamy. There is like 75 percent divorce rate of living together before marriage. I understand that some of you guys are living together before marriage, just try to understand that the pastor is just trying to help you guys to have a successful marriage. I am sorry if it frustrates you. But like I said, there is some pastors that goes overboard about marrying people.

Sharon, that was a great article

I live with my honey, sleep with my honey, & do everything else with my honey. We function as a married couple already, the only thing that is different is that we don't have our marriage license which you can buy from the courthouse for $50.00 cash and your license. So you really think that all this business from the Bible has anything to do with the divorce rate?

I am happy our pastor accepts our situation, but if he didn't I wouldn't lose sleep over it & I'd find someone else.

@ Sharon -- I LOVE that article. Thanks for sharing it!!!

No I am just saying what I have seen that people that lived together before marriage normally wish they never did. Also I did some research that we have a huge divorce rate due by living together. I am not saying it is bad nor you would face a divorce. I am just saying from what I have learned. Here is a link I have found. http://divorce.suite101.com/article.cfm/living_together_before_marriage

Trust me I almost wanted to live with my FH before marriage, but we realized it is for the best until marriage. I am not saying it is wrong of you to live together before marriage. I am just trying to put you in the pastor's shoes.

Here is another link http://www.wecohabitate.com/cohabitation-nation/

Hope you get the pastor to marry you guys. Good luck if haven't.

Let me just say that I LOVE SHELLY!! As I was reading this post I started to gather biblical references but she used them and that is great. We have to keep in mind that this pastor is christian/baptist so there isn't a need to talk about other religions or if the bible is Gods words etc. Lets stay on the subject and that is what should her friend do? She has two choices either find someone else or follow the churches rules. So many times we try to WATER down christianity and pull out the "don't judge" card but God is a God of avengences and wrath and he says that if we love him we will keep his commandments plain and simple. I think it is great that this pastor is standing up for what he believes. So many times people become part-time christians and follow only the rules that they like and that is not the correct way. Don't take the easy way out. If this is what they believe then they will be blessed if they follow their pastors rules.

Okay, to each his or her own, and if you want to not live together for ANY reason, then that is your choice and you should follow it BUT as someone who reads and analyzes studies for a living the studies that "prove" that living together leads to divorce are so filled with holes we pull them out when we want a good laugh.

I had to jump in here since I am going through the same thing, I however am Mormon and it is even harder. I was set to go to the Temple in October, met my FH and we had an (as my Bishop puts it) "encounter." Now b/c of a move due to an eviction, we are living together in our own home, but since we are living together the Bishop is pushing to have us married IMMEDIATELY. Sorry, that just in NOT happening. I would love to do it but my FH is so mad he is saying NO ONE IS GOING TO JUDGE HIM AND FORCE HIM TO DO ANYTHING! (can you tell he isn't religious?) Geez, you would think I want to get married in the Church, but that isn't the case either. I think I may be "disfellowshipped" or even "excommunicated" which will break my heart but I love my FH and I won't be judged!

I really have a problem with the number of people saying to find a new church. A pastor has a moral obligation to admonish his members to live according to God's word. Not that we won't all fall short which is recorded in the Word but that doesn't give us the license to wallow in sin. If you're going to switch churches everytime the pastor challenges you to grow spiritually, you'll be church-hopping all your life. And if you get to a church where the pastor doesn't challenge you to live according to the Word then you might as well stay home on Sunday morning (or Saturday evening).

We had this very same issue so we decided to get married outside of the church by a priest from the old catholic order (we are both catholic). We are now getting married in our reception venue under a gazebo on the theater stage. We refused to sacrifice who we were and how we were living our life. We attend church regularly and have close relationships with the Lord but this is absolutely one area in which we would not compromise. We felt that God would be with us whereever we decided to get married. We have never agreed with this rule of the Catholic church.

BTW - the reason many people get divorced who lived together first is because rather than breaking off a broken relationship they think they can fix it with a marriage. If you are solid from the start and have the mentality that marriage truly is till death do you part then this should not be an issue. I personally think living together has been a great thing for me and my FH. We have reached a level of trust and committment to one another as well as establishing a level of patience that is optimum. We have built a solid relationship by living together and learning how to deal with the stresses of our daily lives. I do not read into the divorce statistics b/c we are both entering our marriage with the notion that there is no option for divorce.