Help! Pastor Won't Marry you!

I think they need to find a different person to marry them. Especially if one of them moving out isn't an option.

I agree! 'Nuff said.

"My opinion: If you can't afford to move out and have no where to go don't. Obstaining from sex until your married is a good thing. Lying to the pastor about your living situation is not a good idea. Being upfront for us ended up working out and we were much happier with the Plan B. If the pastor won't marry them then its possible they will need to find someone else. I think that you need to be upfront about your decisions and if you don't have the option of kicking your fiance out then don't. Hey maybe the pastor can give him a room. "

I live with my FH and yes we have sex...a lot! haha... We do not go to church. I think it's silly from our point of view because most of us here have not adhered to the traditional values of the church. The thing is, it's not about our personal values, it's the values of the person marrying you and the church. It's not judgmental for a pastor to refuse to marry a couple for these reasons. If someone believes something so strongly, they should not have to do it just because someone else thinks it's ok. I know this is an extreme example and obviously marrying a couple isn't quite to this level.... but it's kind of like a doctor/pharmacist prescribing/dispensing pills such as the morning after. If it's against their beliefs they don't have to do it...so you find someone else who has values similar to yours and move on. They can't be expect to help someone else do something they don't feel is right. If someone's outwardly judging and saying nasty things it's totally different..(cont)

I'm not trying to start a war about whether or not it's right for the pastor to refuse to marry a couple, but if you want to be married in a church it is a religious ceremony and in my mind, you should be accepting of their religious practices.. I would not change my lifestyle bc someone told me too... I would just find a new officiant and new venue.

From a christian biblical stand point, I agree with the pastor

Our pastor said the same thing now we go to a different church

Agh....so many typos.... that's annoying to read!!!! sorry!

Question: "Is it wrong for a couple to live together before marriage?"

Answer: The answer to this question depends somewhat on what is meant by “living together.” If it means having sexual relations, it is definitely wrong. Premarital sex is repeatedly condemned in Scripture, along with all other forms of sexual immorality (Acts 15:20; Romans 1:29; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13, 18; 7:2; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7). The Bible promotes complete abstinence outside of (and before) marriage. Sex before marriage is just as wrong as adultery and other forms of sexual immorality, because they all involve having sex with someone you are not married to.

cont...

I just can't understand someone who would rather a couple "living in sin" rather than getting married. It just doesn't make any sense.

If living together means living in the same house, that is perhaps a different issue. Ultimately, there is nothing wrong with a man and a woman living in the same house—if there is nothing immoral taking place. However, the problem arises in that there is still the appearance of immorality (1Thessalonians5:22Ephesians5:3), and it could be a tremendous temptation for immorality. The Bible tells us to flee immorality, not expose ourselves to constant temptations to immorality (1Corinthians6:18). Then there is the problem of appearances. A couple who is living together is assumed to be sleeping together—that is just the nature of things. Even though living in the same house is not sinful in and of itself, the appearance of sin is there. The Bible tells us to avoid the appearance of evil (1Thessalonians5:22Ephesians5:3), to flee from immorality, and not to cause anyone to stumble or be offended. Therefore, it is not honoring to God for a man and a woman to live together outside of marriage

Im just saying here, and not trying to condem anyone, but this is just what the bible says, and what christians believe, and what I hold firm to as well.

Could they possibly discuss with the pastor alternatives. I'de say see if they can explain the financial or other concerns and then explain ways they are working around it. Explain that they are obstaining for sex, not sharing a bed, living in seperate rooms (if these things are true, or if it would be possible for them to do that), maybe taking on a roommate will make the pastor more comfortable that until the wedding they are living like roommates then after hte wedding they will be living like husband and wife.

Also, I think saying just find somoene else is fine and all...but personally I go to the church where we are getting married and I'de be heartbroken if I couldn't be married in my church. So I think she needs to discuss with FH what is important to them and what changes they are willing to make...then discuss with the pastor. He may be willing to work with them if they show that they are trying to make it work within the teachings of that church

The bible also says it is Gods job to judge not mans and that anyone who asks forgiveness will be forgiven We were not Christian when we moved in together Now that we are we have decided to correct our wrongs however because we have a child together it is not possible for one of us to move The stress this would cause our daughter would be quite incredible and I refuse to believe God would want that

PS sorry about the lack of punctuation I had a mishap which damaged my laptop a couple of weeks ago and the shift key is stuck permanently on which means no punctuation and constantly switching caps lock on and off

No way!! Stay in the same house. Make an effort to refrain from sexual activity...and FIND A NEW PASTOR!!!

I agree with Shell. I can't fault the pastor, and no, he is not judgemental. Just because some one doesn't agree with what you are doing, does NOT make them "judgemental." If a man murders his wife because he caught her in the act of cheating with another man, we as society "judge" him as a criminal and he is to serve time in prison. We don't kiss him on the cheek and tell him to "sin no more."

A pastor has every right to uphold his beliefs. He doesn't have to accept the behavior of a couple just to be "politically correct," or fill the pews on Sunday. And he shouldn't. He is a leader, a teacher. If a couple would rather have a "yes man," there are plenty of other fish in the sea who will do as they are told, and will not care what type of behavior the couple are engaging in. This couple simply needs to find a pastor doesn't care. Easy enough to do.

I didnt kno that they could do that.... but i guess it makes since being that most preachers think that it's a sin maybe i don't kno tho we lived together before we got married but the place i work at is owned by the probate judge so we had a big church wedding and he did the ceremony for us but the preacher at the church wouldn't have married us anyways because they don't believe and 2nd marriage and this would have been his second marriage but it all worked out ......good luck hun

"Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted" (Galatians 6:1).

The Bible prescribes the procedure for confronting a sinning brother or sister in an extensive passage on church discipline: "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector" (Matthew 18:15-17)

You can correct someone with out judging them.

On a different slant, one of the most often quoted scriptures is "Judge not, lest ye be judged" (Matthew 7:1 KJV). Taken out of context, the verse has been used to incorrectly justify never taking a stand on anything that would require a judgment to be made. Rather, the verse is referring to hypocritical, self-righteous, unfair kinds of judgment, especially where the confronter is guilty of the same sin as the one being confronted.

So, when should Christians talk to or try to correct a fellow Christian? When we have talked to the Lord first, have an attitude of submission and concern for the other person, and are committed to following the procedures outlined in His Word for such a situation.

http://www.gotquestions.org/Christian-correct-Christian.html

@jlam...you put that very well I agree with you 100%.

Its not that he's saying he'd rather them "live in sin" or not get married at all because he chooses not to marry them its just because of the religious principals he chooses to live by he can't in good conscience be the one to do it. I think he'd be a hypocrit if he chose to marry them even though he preaches that living together before marriage is a sin. Whether he is right or wrong for feeling that way is up to each person to decide. I also think it would be a little unfair to ask the pastor to compromise his beliefs because of someone's financial situation. But as far as your friends go if they can not move out I'm sure they can find someone willing to marry them. It sucks that it can't be the person they would like but i'm sure their day will still be a special one.