Help! Pastor Won't Marry you!

I am VERY new testament. Jesus would not judge, would not belittle someone, would not refuse the sacrament. A lotof the thou shall not and fire and brimstone is from the old testament. do you pick and choose from each testament or do you go with love everyone, don't judge anyone and help with love, not with hate or judgment.

100% of us are sinners in some way or another. If any of you had sex before marriage, then according to some people's way of thinking, you shouldn't be married in the church either.

This is political, if you aren't living together there is no "proof" you are having sex . However, if you are, then the pastor doesn't want to look bad to his congregation as there is "proof' you are living together. Did he ask for proof that she is stil a virgin? If not, why not? because that is also a "sin". It's all about appearances if you ask me.

I realize that different people have different beliefs about this kind of thing, and I agree that it's unreasonable to expect someone to compromise their principles in order to perform a marriage.

That doesn't mean, however, that I don't think this pastor's priorities are deeply screwed up. As noted, this is not just about sexual morality--it's about financial feasibility. Especially in times like these, telling someone they have to move out in order to get married is telling them to undertake a major financial burden that they might not be able to handle. Whatever the reasons the couple had for moving in together in the first place, they obviously have a different set of priorities. For me, it would be a sign that maybe I needed to embrace a different church all together. That is, of course, the individual's choice.

Thanks for all of your comments. I am not sure what she will do.

Shell, so you think that living in the same household without having sex is a sin? I understand the idea of appearances, but as someone else said, that is privledged information. Even living apart doesnt mean that you won't have sex. I don't think that he will or should change his beliefs. I guess my confusion is coming from this...

I understand that he does not believe that couples should live together. I get it. But it seems as though he is not allowing them to move further in making a covenant under God because of a situation that will be non-existant once he marries them. My BFF told me that there were two deal breakers for him, 1. Couples co-habitating, 2. If either had an addition (alcohol, drugs, etc.). Now I get the addition thing, because beyond addition being a sin, this is something that could and would be a issue after the marriage. I just don't see how living together is the same.

Talk about turning away someone who "needs the church's guidance". Is it about teaching the word of god? or only to those who are already holier than thou? Isn't it his job to bring "sinners" into the fold? (I said that tongue in cheek)

@Shell I still do not think that proper time to correct a fellow Christian is after they have seen their mistake and are trying to correct it In fact I feel that is when you should give them more support to keep them on the right path

I agree with the addiction party ONLY if the church helps them to get help and will marry them after the addicted person is well.

Not party..lol. PART

I have an addiction party everyday on wedding wire

I meant ADDICTION!! NOT ADDITION! I promise I am not an idiot! LOL

@ lora- maybe i didnt see that these people were already trying to correct there issue... if someone is already trying to correct that was wrong then yes they dont need to be continually told that they are in sin.

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@sharon- yes everyone has sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, we are now under his grace and mercy, but as paul writes- are we to continue living in sin knowing that we are forgiven? NO. (romans 6)

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@starsteph- I dotn think its a wise or smart decision to live together even if your not sleeping together bc why should we put ourselves in temptation??

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and again, Im standing on a biblical christian view of the subject.

Shell, so it may not be wise, but is it wrong?

Tradionally, I know that unmarried couples living together is looked down upon, but tradition looks down on ALOT of things that IMO may not be earth shattering.

As I initally said, Even though living in the same house is not sinful in and of itself, the appearance of sin is there. The Bible tells us to avoid the appearance of evil (1Thessalonians5:22Ephesians5:3), to flee from immorality, and not to cause anyone to stumble or be offended. Therefore, it is not honoring to God for a man and a woman to live together outside of marriage

BTW, this is a very insightful convo! Keep it going!

And again,I beleive the Bible, comprised of the Old and New Testaments, to be the inspired, infallible, and authoritative Word of God (Matthew 5:18; 2 Timothy 3:16-17). In faith I hold the Bible to be inerrant in the original writings, God-breathed, and the complete and final authority for faith and practice (2 Timothy 3:16-17).

With that being said, I believe in everything the bible teaches. God said it,and thats good enough for me.

however if you dotn not believe in all that i do,it may not be wrong for you, or sinful for you. take it up with the Lord and see what He shows you.

I agree, this is ridiculous...

@ shell-i've known several couples, who have lived together and NOT had sex. in fact, fh's cousin(who'd had sex once and is christian and refrained til marriage), lived with her fiance for 6 months before marriage. her FMIL even went so far as to buy her a used(but pretty) bedroom set. this girl is not a good liar at all, and when her preacher came to their house for a counsel session, he believed they weren't sleeping together. she had her own room, nothing of hers was in his room, nor his in hers. in fact, you could blatantly tell she didn't even use his bathroom. one could raise the question they slept together in living room, but that's hard when you have no floor or furniture in your living room due to remodeling ...

@ starsteph, the same question occured to me. pharoahs married their sisters, but it is frowned upon now. yet in biblical times, siblings were pretty much your only choice. now, it's shown to cause birth defects, and it's social

Im not saying you cant live together with out having sex... Im just saying its mostlikely not God honoring & its not wise. sounds like your friends did it right, but how many out there that live together do it like your friends do?

also if your not tryin to honor God then go ahead... who cares right?

Shell I appreciate all your responses and do agree with you on everything you say.

July Bride - I don't believe in sins canceling each other out. Once you have sinned you have sinned nothing can take that sin away except the forgiveness of Jesus according to Christianity. Getting married doesn't correct the fact that I lived with my fiance before getting married. Unfortunatly I did something I probally shouldnt have...according to my religious beliefs (as we all do at times)

I also agree that if a pastor doesnt agree with marrying a couple that lives together then he shouldn't marry them. I have no problem with that and think he should stick firm to his beliefs. Our situation was a little different because its not that I didn't understand and agree with the pastor's views its how they communicated it to us (not being upfront and such).

This is always an interesting conversation and hard to work out. I guess if we were all living as our religion requests we would have no issue.

*socially* frowned upon. at least, that's my view on it. we're in a different world. many older adults(late 30's and on), feel they don't have to solidify their relationship with paper. they buy homes, stock, bank accts, life ins policies, have several children. but are never legally married.

another thing, and i've questioned my MIL about this. back in "the day", there was no one to actually perform marriage ceremonies. therefore, if you look at it in today's view, they were all living in sin. but in fact they were not. because in those days, no one had to tell you "you are man and wife". you made that decree of your own accord. for this, is why i love states like texas. you can still be married in the biblical sense, but no the legal sense. it's called "common law". at least that's how i and my firneds view it.

Maybe the pastor can refer them to someone else