Help! Pastor Won't Marry you!

@ starsteph, what you said makes a lot of sense!

I don't think switching churches or finding someone else to marry her is what she wants to do. Even if she found another pastor to marry her, I doubt she would stop attending her church. Many pastors will marry them with no problem.

Oy. The problems caused by religion are never-ending. If you believe in whatever you believe, good for you. But religion should be a source of joy for you, not a giant pain in the neck. And if the church you attend doesn't support what you believe is good and right, you should absolutely find a new church. This pastor has every right to believe whatever he believes and to judge the crap out of you, because this is America and we all have that right. But why, why, why would you possibly WANT this man to marry you, when he clearly believes something so different from you about what marriage is? I respect all of you who hold true to your beliefs and are abstaining from sex or living together or whatever because YOU think it's right and because it works for YOU. But to do it because God told you to? Or worse, because some other human told you to? This seems insane to me. Either you believe it or you don't.

Well what type of religion is this that people make up their own rules? sometimes the truth hurts. and sometimes religion is tough. the parishioners aren't supposed to tell the pastor what's right (in theory). that doesn't mean the pastor will never make a wrong decision but in the grande scheme of things, the pastor is intended to be the shephard which means he/she leads according to the bible. i don't always like what my pastor tells me but if he can back it up with scripture you can't argue with it. some of the responses here really make you wonder why folks want to have a church wedding in the first place.

I think that views or ideals given in the church, even by the pastor, is bound to be viewed differently by individuals. I actually searched in a forum for Christian pastors. With this very same question (about living together), came MANY different views. I mean some pastors thought it absolutely wrong to marry a couple who lived together, others thought it absolutely wrong not to. Yet, we all serve the same God. As Christians, even reading and interpreting the same Bible, we can come up with different ideas of what is being told. Thats why it is important for you not only to read the bible, but to meditate and pray on what you read so that God can give you clarity. I don't know if anyone will find another who they actually agree with when it concerns our actions as Christians or what the word is saying to us and you can't depend soley on anyone else, including your pastor, to lead you or tell you how to live as a Christian (IMO).

No steph I certainly don't intend to suggest that anyone follow blindly. You ARE supposed to know the word for yourself. And you won't know if a pastor is misinterpreting the word if you don't know it for yourself. I'm just baffled by folks saying to go find a church/pastor that believes what you believe and agree with your lifestyle.

It really is true. She has two choices either follow the churches rules or find someone else. If this really is a problem those are her only two solutions and there is no way around that. Yes, I think she should follow the churches rules. Why stay and complain about something that is not going to change. Your Pastor is more then just a man/woman they are your spirtual leaders and they are there to direct you in the right way. Almost like a parent/teacher/ they have wisdom and spirtual knowledge that can and will help us if we adhere to it. Yes, you should know the word for yourself and you should be obeident to your spirtual leader. That is why I offer up the only two real solutions because if you are not in agreement then you should find someone else. Again, God will bless those who keep his commandments.

Marriage is meant as a covenant that the two who are marrying should stay together after they are married. If they are already living together, then it should be assumed that they are indulging themselves in physical contact. If it is that the pastor still will not marry them, the only suggestion that I can give, being a minister myself, is that they should find another officiant. Though I know that most of the ladies posting to this thread are of the Christian belief, when it comes to the officiant not wanting to perform because of his or her own personal standards, it is not time to judge them, but rather, to move on. There are many couples who I have married because of this very thing. They were living together and the pastor would not marry them. It may hurt or might seem wrong, but this is what I would tell my friend - that she should find another person to perform the ceremony.

So that is a good idea, however doesn't the priest need to see and sign your state marriage license that has both your legal addresses on it?

So that is a good idea, however doesn't the priest need to see and sign your state marriage license that has both your legal addresses on it?