Heavy Hor Devours Reception

Kk, I drop bombs of knowledge.

If anything Shannon and I were attacked

Glenn, that's why I'm cowering under my desk, clutching my dolly and sobbing.

"Dolly" is a nickname for my vibrator, BTW.

Meghan and FancyLady...thanks for the info. AND to all the people who have helped me thank you. To all the mean people thanks for nothing. I take EVERYONES advice and I am thankful...even for the mean people....

I pretty much know what me and my FH are going to do. After all I shouldn't have asked for advice, hate to say it, it is OUR day and my family members that matter greatly said they wouldn't mind this idea. So its being taken into consideration.

Sorry to have caused so much drama! I'm done with this post. Hopefully I can figure out how to not get emails from the site, because I got sooo many from the post! BUT again Thanks.

Okay, I just read all of these posts. Honestly, people gave opinions. You asked for opinions. Then, you dis those who disagree with your choices. So, you truly did not want opinions, you simply wanted people to agree with you.

Honestly, I think you may want to go with your closing line (original post) and elope.

In the upper right side is a small link "settings"

Click that. Then the top "Manage Settings" There is a small link "manage" on the right side - Click that - Then there is a giant list that you can click the boxes to stop email notices.

Also, I live in IL and can also give you some ideas. At the top - Under "my Wedding" is your WW-mailbox. I sent you a message.

~ happy planning ~

Shannon: "Jamie, specifically, I don't think ANYONE who said serving a full meal is the correct and courteous thing to do said that the meal had to be five courses and extravagant. In fact, all of us said quite the opposite! Serve a proper meal so guests aren't hungry and grumpy, but it doesn't have to be elegant or expensive. A few even suggested barbecue..."

You're criticizing someone else for the food they serve, so why can't I be like, "b, did YOU have lobster? NO? See, I'm better than you. Guests DESERVE the best."

I didn't say anybody said a 5 course meal was the only way to go.

I did say a heavy hor devour reception can be just as filling as a regular seated meal. I even gave an example. I've left unsatisfied at weddings that served "meals" - aka a salad & pasta with a few dices of chicken on top. I've left full as a pig at weddings with heavy apps. So that's not really the problem here. A 5 course meal isn't the only way to feed guests. Neither is a simple meal.

I went to a wedding like that and I loved it! they had a lot of different ones to try, and I got to try them all, it was great And I was not even a little bit hungry throughout the night

I understand others points though, I am pretty easy to please... I would be happy with pb & j lol Dont worry guys, I would never even DREAM of serving that at my wedding though ha ha

Perhaps I wouldn't have felt the need to respond if some of you hadn't personally attacked the advice that I was trying to give to Ashley P., so your to good to bring a covered dish to a wedding? Well, that's great, but if your talking about tradition, I'm pretty sure that potluck style weddings have been going on since weddings started. Many people have decided to pay for the guests food instead, and that is very kind and thoughtful, but when I started planning my wedding I thought about all of the meals I was given when I couldn't afford food, all of the people who have had me over for dinner, all of the relationships that I have had with people which have in one way or another been shared over great homemade food! And I thought, what better way to include all of my guests in the wedding then to have all of them share there favorite recipes with all of the guests? I love potlucks. I'm not trying to be cheap, though I am saving a bundle, I'm trying to create a community feeling (cont)

To our wedding. I plan sending out a letter thanking everyone for supporting us through the years, sharing with us and helping shape our lives, then explain that I want one of the receptions main themes to be community and home. When I get home, the first thing I do is take off my shoes, this makes me comfortable, so the wedding party will not be wearing shoes and guests are encouraged to do the same. We love to brew our own mead, especially with local honey, and we love to share our mead and give away bottles of it, so we will be serving that in place of alcohol at our wedding. And we love our grandmas homemade meals and having picnics with friends, so we're having a potluck. I don't see this as rude or bad, just a great way to create a community feeling. As many of you said, the wedding is not about just us, it's about the people who helped influence us and supported us throughout the years. Even if I had a higher budget for my wedding, I would still want to have a potluck instead.

1. I would never ever attend a Monday reception for just anyone. Ugh, beyond rude. I am not taking my precious holiday time to attend your wedding. Especially if you don't plan to feed me dinner. This would really only be acceptable for my best friend or sisters... even then I know they have more courtesy.

2. Glenn, Shannon, and Adam are completely spot on.

3. Canapes/ finger food can be done, but please either avoid meal time or make sure they are equivilant or close to a full meal. I'm doing canape platters and a dessert buffet for my engagement party so I am making it a start time of 7pm (people here eat dinner from 5.30-7.30pm) which means people will turn up from 7-8pm. Canapes will be heavy (chicken skewers, cheese platters, spring rolls etc) and the dessert buffet will be full-on!!!!!

Jennifer T- the problem I have with potluck receptions is food poisoning. If Auntie Jill brings spoiled potato salad it will send everyone running for the bathroom. Not the kind of wedding reception I would like to have. Then you could either have hospital costs for your guests or you could be sued. Not a nice way to end your wedding day.

And it is dreadfully obvious that the supposed "mean" people are the ones giving sound advice and the ones who are the "attacked" people are just defensive because they themselves have bad ideas and they need to justify their bad behavior by agreeing with someone elses. Then there are the defenders of the weak.

Under all that the really good advice is buried- while heavy apps can be filling, fun and delicious, they are generally not cost effective and you would be better off moneywise serving a simple meal.

Jennifer T. - I think that the biggest thing that you need to worry about with a potluck is liability. Who will be held accountable if Aunt Judy's casserole is improperly heated at your venue and all of your guests wind up in the hospital with food poisoning? Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy potlucks (my FILs have potluck Thanksgivings every year, and they're awesome), but I'd think twice about having one for my wedding.

As for the original question, there has been a lot of good advice here. Yes, you can have an hors d'oeuvres heavy reception, but if done right, it'll probably end up costing you more than a simple meal. Talk to your caterer for advice.

Oh, Jamie. Once again, it's not about the guests getting the most fancy or extravagant thing, it's about the guests getting a supper that will fill their stomachs, whether that's BBQ or surf and turf. But I think I could say just about anything, and you'd find a petty reason to jump down my throat. So I'll just leave that one be.

And I think if I went to a potluck reception with the only alcohol option as homebrew mead, I'd probably not eat anything, have a soda, and duck out early. Both mass-scale potlucks and homebrews are notorious for causing food poisoning. If you have any pregnant guests, keep in mind salmonella would be a huge problem for the baby.

And Pumpkin, I agree. Anytime a smidge of common sense is shared on this board, it turns into this huge hysterically emotional argument where brides freak out and take everything incredibly personally. And then more and more arguments come out to support the bad ideas. It's groupthink on a Bay of Pigs level.

It's your wedding, yes, and it's the MOST IMPORTANTEST DAY EVER! But it's also an event that you are hosting. And as an event, it needs to be well-planned and the guests need to be served whatever food keeps them from barfing their little guts out. It's not about budgets or fanciness or whatever silly class war somebody wants to start, it's about basic common sense.

Something a vendor friend of mine just brought up when we were discussing this, what will your vendors feel about being fed this food? He's gotten to the point where he's thinking of changing his contract to stipulate that the food needs to be made by a food processing company that's inspected and licensed, can't say I blame him.

And Shannon, my internet lover, it's a date.