Having a civil ceremony 1st then big ceremony in a year

People do this all the time! My friend did the same thing and we did not feel it was less of an important day on her big wedding day because she was technically married. People understand trust me!

I had thought about that. Since friends and family were so strewn out over the country we had thought about a few different possibilities for multiple weddings. But all of thinking and planning for all of that seemed far too stressful, so I threw that idea out and just had a small wedding sooner. I wanted a big thing with 100 of my friends, but then reality of what work that would entail hit and I decided to downsize.

My personal opinion would be do something small and get married. Health insurance and what not can end up saving you a bit of money which you can then use for your big to do. Plan the little wedding, see how that goes, if you still feel that you want the big wedding and the planning stress won't stress you and your hubby out, then go big. Some people also do not quite renewals, but they do just the reception for a big crowd (since most people come for the big reception anyway).

Just stopping in to welcome you to the community @Karla!

I know this can be a very common practice, especially for military families, and I think it is becoming a more common thing with the poor economy and with the lack of people being able to get health care. If it is something that would work for your family, I would say go for it. Maybe not announcing it to the world (Just your close family and HR knowing you technically are legally married) will make your ceremony in a year seem more like the "real" thing...just a thought.

This is not uncommon. My cousin did it. They actually didn't tell anyone they were married, everyone just assumed the "big" wedding day was it!

This is actually an excellent idea especially for the practical benefits and like aria bride said, you dont have to tell people you're married even if you dont want to.

That's exactly what we did! We had a civil ceremony after I moved to NY, and on our one year anniversary we are having the big wedding with all of our family and friends back in Iowa. It's been great for us, and has definitely taught us a lot about being married. I honestly don't know if all of our guests know about the civil ceremony, but our close family and friends know.

We aren't doing the big wedding for the attention or gifts. We are doing it because we want to celebrate our marriage with the ones we love because none of our family could make it to the civil ceremony.

I just did it, but it was my husband and myself. My best friend was there too. Just got married on the 23rd of this month and I'm still uber excited for my wedding in October!!!

Only my bestie knows... lol

I thought about doing this but I wondered what would you do for the anneversery? would you add that extra year on...but then wouldnt it confuse others and what if the two days are not on the same day, whitch one is your wedding day, the actual marrige or the big ceremony

I thought about doing this but I wondered what would you do for the anneversery? would you add that extra year on...but then wouldnt it confuse others and what if the two days are not on the same day, whitch one is your wedding day, the actual marrige or the big ceremony

I'm going to go against the tide here, but I think you are right to be concerned that, "I don't want the larger ceremony to seem like a sham, either less exciting to us or to our guests." For a lot of people, the wedding day is exciting precisely because it is the day on which you get married. If you don't tell people that you are married, they can feel duped when they find out. If you do, they may not make it a priority to throw showers or even attend.

I would also refer you to this Miss Manners column on the subject.

If you need health insurance for yourself and your son, it may be worth giving up the dreams of the big wedding (and maybe just having a big anniversary party). But I don't think you can get married now and expect people to be just as excited over a ceremony with no legal effect a year from now.

Our situation is a little different as we live in Germany (DH is German) and here you are required to first have a civil ceremony before you have your wedding. No religious parts are allowed in this civil and you do not say vows. We are having our US Wedding with our family and friends in April. We were just honest with our families and friends about the situation. We couldn't have afforded to have our US wedding sooner with us living so far away. It was special to us to have the two ceremonies in our own cultures. However, if we had not been required to do the civil here first I wouldn't have done it. If the bells and whistles mean that much to you, it may be worth the wait. But many people do it. Just do what is right for you and your DH. I don't care much about the showers and were not registering. Were not having a wedding so people can gift us, were having a wedding to celebrate with those we love, we just want them there.

I agree with 2d Bride. This is becoming more and more of a trend, but I just find it...weird. If a couple wants a big wedding, then plan for a big wedding - and understand it might take time to save for it. Or, if wanting a big party, then get married in a small ceremony and have a blow-out reception at a later date.

My very personal opinion? Having 2 "weddings" puts less emphasis on the commitment that is being shared. The wedding becomes more about the party, the "show," the bells & whistles. The important part of the wedding are the vows, not the dress, the flowers, or the party. The reception is lesser part of a wedding, but has gained far more importance in modern times.

Thank you everyone for your input! I certainly have a lot to consider before making a decision.I do want to point out that the "party" aspect of weddings has become quite popular because it is an opportunity to share the excitement/intimacy of your vows with the people you care about. I don't really care about the gifts especially considering that we have already established a home and family, however, I don't want to later regret not having the experiences that come along with planning a wedding. For all practical reasons we should just elope but our friends and family are very important to us so we want to share it with them as well.

I think you celebrate how ever you want to do it. It's all about you and your hubby and how you want to remember your wedding day or days.

There are people who get married every year or renew their vows. There are people who have a baby shower for every baby they have. It never makes it less special. Your guests should feel honored that you want to include them in a celebration of your love....and you can celebrate love in any way you please....if they don't want to come, that's up to them. The people who love you and support you will be there for you regardless if you got married 20 times before.

Health insurance for your son is important and more important than the Emily Post way of doing things. Times have changed and people have changed with them. Your true friends and family will understand, support your decision (should you choose to tell them or not), and bring you a gift to celebrate.

IT'S ALL ABOUT LOVE PEOPLE!

I've been married for 3 years now, only 4 months after we met...I didnt have time or money for a big wedding back then...but we can afford it now, and I know its going to be magical!! Love is what matters...

I keep going over this in my mind!!! I would like to elope, and plan a big thing for the first anniversary..... however, I am afraid that finances would take over and might get put off, and then what happens if it never happens... that's my fear of that... finances have always been tough for us as we have 2 kids, and I just finished grad school... good luck tho!

A coworker did this and said it actually took a lot of stress off the bug wedding because they were already married it was like they were just planning a party... I too am doing this I just finished school and we cannot afford a big wedding now so it will just be my maid of honor, and his best man and our pastor this year. We are not going to tell everyone, but we figure it may cut down on our quest list and help save too.

Best Wishes!

2d and Michele, I get your thinking but sometimes things come up and the situation just isn't ideal. Like we were going elope, than decided to have a wedding for which I did a lot of research and work, but my having to wait for a copy of my Certificate of Citizenship, his deployment and having his leave canceled for our first two dates(first November, and than December) derailed those plans. We decided we wanted to get married before he deployed, because otherwise if anything should happen to him or me the other wouldn't even be on the list of people notified. I already put in the work of researching and finding vendors and all the stress of dealing with family and friends who think they know what's best for our wedding, so why should I do all of that in vain just because our circumstances didn't allow us to get married the way we planned November 2011? Of course we don't really care if everyone is stoked or not. I don't want a bridal shower or batchelorette party since we'll be *cont*

Married 2 years at that point.

Just do what is best for you. Don't worry or dwell on if or how excited other people are or are not. Even brides who only have the wedding without a civil ceremony first have people who are not excited like the bride wants them to be.