Has anyone told you "Just go to the courthouse!"

Yes and very rude !

There hasn't been anyone that has said this to me, but I completely understand how you feel! It's not the same when you just go to a courthouse.

Just tell them that you WANT to share your happiness with the people that you invite to the wedding and then ask them it they want to be excluded since they don't want to see you be married.

But that's just me being mean.....

I actually had a friend that got married last month at the court house. They said they just couldn't afford a wedding, but I felt so bad for them. They were married in juvenile court...to me it wasn't what a marriage ceremony should be. I wish she would have told me that she couldn't afford a wedding because I would have had my uncle who is a pastor conduct her wedding in the formal gardens at our local park which is very nice. I could have had my family make food for her. She only had 20 people there. I would have loved to at least buy a little cake or something. I just wish it was so much more than they had. I felt bad for them but even one of them said "Aww..it's just a paper"....to me it's just not 'a paper'. My fiance and I have been together for 7 years, some medical issues prevented us from getting married earlier but maybe it's just that we've been together for so long that people say that to us. So Annoying.

Dawn...good line though!

My dad kept sort-of jokingly telling us to elope. Sometimes I thought it wasn't such a bad idea, but we had the perfect wedding for us and have no regrets.

I don't like like the idea that "it's just paper" means the relationship is being dismissed. Though, to be honest, I'm a courthouse kind of girl myself also.

I've always thought that the "piece of paper" comment meant that the paper is the most worthless thing involved. It is pulp, water and ink. What IS meaningful is the commitment it can represent. Like Kim K., getting a divorce after 72 days. It's a piece of paper. It just is.

But I have a gay couple as close friends and they've been though hell and back together several times. That is commitment. The paper, legally, adds legal and monetary protections but if there is no base of love, honor and commitment behind it it really is the sum of it's parts. It's only as valuable as the relationship it is recognizing. All this white dress, nice food etc is great, sure. But knowing that you are loved, adored and cherished is what is ultimately important. The rest is window dressing.

Yup. I even had go to Vegas and elope. Ughh that's not what I want. I feel the same way as you. Marriage means alot to me

I haven't been told to run off to the courthouse, but to run off and elope. Bby people who did elope, and a lot of people who didn't and said that they wished afterwards that they had. My aunt says that a wedding is something intimate and special between the bride and groom, and that she didn't want to share that with a lot of people. They celebrated with us After eloping of course. Early in our engagement I thought 'That's nice for you, but it's NOT for me!' and now I'm thinking how great it would be to elope with just my parents and his brother/gf with us, then come back and party....I don't know, I could still change my mind again.

Fortunately, we didn't get that. We had been together for nine years when we were finally able to get legally married, and everyone around us was ready to celebrate in whatever way we could manage. Our actual ceremony was quite small (a dozen people), because we had to get married in Massachusetts, which is far from where we live. However, it still took place in a synagogue, and our immediate family and close friends attended. And then we had an all-out party for 60 people back home.

No-one has said that to me but after trying to fit all the important things into my budget I got so frustrated tonight that I was ready to tell FH that I wanted to scrap the whole thing and go to the courthouse. Thanks so much for posting this and to all of you who responded. I do want the wedding and reception so I will just find some creative ways to make it happen.

It certainly is not "just a piece of paper" - it's an important symbol of our love together and the committment to spend the rest of our lives together.

Unfortunately, I have gotten that as well plenty of time, I actually had one groomsman who keep telling me to just go and get married at the courthouse then I can have a party at home for everyone (doable, nothing wrong with that), but I told him no that's not for us, we only plan on getting married once and I want the full experience of it, he kept insisting and telling me this almost everytime he sees FH or myself.

I actually plan to put him in his place the next time he says it to me. I aint gonna lie though, when I had to deal with so many issues, I can tell you the idea have crossed my mind a few times, but both myself and fH know that is not what I want at all, lol

To keep saying it is super rude, wow, that would piss me off, too.

I think if anybody says it to us seriously, I'll just remove them from the guest list. No matter who they are. I have nothing against elopers/elopement... but who is anybody to tell anybody else how they should wed?

Yeah i have heard that...my cousin actually got married that way. That doesnt sit right with me. Girl ignore them and do what you want especially if it is your first time

OMG YES!

Dad "I will give you $20,000 to just piss off somewhere and get married"

FMIL "Why don't you have a destination wedding, that way if people want to come they pay their own way"

"We checked with our friends and we're all in for a wedding in Thailand or Vegas"

Same boat. FH and I have been together for 7 years. We joke about eloping, but we're allowed to its our wedding. But When someone says "Oh I thought you were already engaged... why don't you just go to the courthouse" I would like to smack them around a little bit. It's not just a piece of paper. The whole day is special. It's the next step, the fact that you're putting this giant effort into a whole day to celebrate you two together and this next step in your relationship deserves more than just "go to the courthouse" (I have nothing against people who do it. Some people just don't want a wedding or can't afford one right away and that's fine by me)

Since this is our second wedding, we have had no shortage of opinions about what we should or should not do. But for two people who were brought together by a force greater than both of us after a 25 year separation, a church wedding sanctifying and validating our union, witnessed and blessed by all of our friends and family is the only choice for us. How and where you choose to get married is ultimately up to you. It has to make you and your FH happy. Not the well meaning family, friends or co-workers. Just do what feels right. :-)

I have been told this too and its annoying! I have already took off the people from my list who suggested this, although I have thought about it myself, just when things become crazy!

Heard it several times. Been together 5 years. Killer is that I have heard it several times from friends who got married in the last few months/years.