Giving a gift to "cover the cost of the meal" please explain this to me...

Comments like that make me not want to go to weddings.

Have the wedding you can afford. If you expect your guests to give what you spent, you deserve to get burned IMO.

Guests should give what they're comfortable giving. It's YOUR day, not theirs.

I'm not completely clear on the timing of the invitation in relation to when the wedding was, but it sounds a bit like it was a last minute invite (as your friend had just started the job). I wonder if the bride hadn't hit her number for meals and invited your friend because she had extra spots. And of course to be greedy about a gift, as everyone else has stated. Crazy.

That is so weird. I'm from western Canada and I have never heard of this. Now I know if I get invited to my cousin's wedding in NY.

I have been brought up that it is rude not to cover at least your plate ,you know that some people are are hard times and can't always do that and that is fine but the people who can should . Luckily the price here im Ohio is not that high so a couple can give a $100 and be pretty close . Yes it is a celebration with the ones you love and should not be expected and to mention it to someone is absurb and very rude . But normal here is to cover the cost of your plate .

Glad I'm from Texas. Never heard of this "expectation" and I'm on the older side. and yes, people bring actual gifts to the wedding here (mix of gifts and cards).

As for my upcoming wedding, we are inviting people who we love and who love us. If they care to bring a gift, I won't turn it away, but if they do, I will appreciate each and every one.

For the bride in question who actually told someone what your MOH's gift was and then that girl blabbed....THAT is what is tacky.

My Moh Started working at the place in January and the Bride's wedding was on Valentines Day (a Friday). She was moved into the cube with the Bride on the two Friday's before - so yes, she barely knew her and yes she had two weeks notice.

As we were talking we both agreed that if our friends or family that we are NOT CLOSE TO gave us $100 in a card for a wedding we would both be embarrassed for receiving such a large sum of cash - as in feeling like we should not accept it. Then again, around here you can get catering from anywhere for FAR LESS than $100 a plate. In fact, if I divide our expected number of guests by our estimated TOTAL WEDDING BUDGET, people would only have to give $53 each for us "to make our money back". Yes, I would be embarrassed if we were given $100 from each guest, sorry.

It sounds like the east coast has pretty high standards. I'm in Minnesota and in my circle we probably spend $30-40 on a wedding gift; probably more the older the guest (which relates, I assume, to income level and affordability).

Right out of college I had a number of friends get married, and they always tried to register at Target for CDs and movies and games, knowing a lot of people might only be looking to spend $25 on a gift. I've never heard anyone snark about gifts, except a coworker who got married last year and complains about everything.

I personally don't care if people give me $20 each...I'm budgeting to have a great wedding that everyone will enjoy and am not depending on gifts to make up for it.

In preK the teacher taught the kids a saying. You get what you get and you don't get upset. We still use that saying. Maybe more people should learn it.

If I had been invited, I probably would have declined. If I invited her myself, I wouldn't have expected anything. Working in the cube next to her, I would have known she just moved to the area and started working. Moving is a big expense. I apparently have head my healthy dose of reality. The bride and the co-worker clearly have not.

The girl from work was totally rude and out of line to say anything. I also find it a bit odd that your friend even went to the wedding if she didn't really know the bride (maybe odd isn't the right word, but its not somethign I would do).

I've heard the 'cover your plate' theory plenty of times (I'm from MD in case that matters), but I do not expect my guests to do that for us. It’s a generous thing to do, but as any gift, it's definitely not mandatory. The rule of thumb that I personally follow is to give enough to cover the cost of the food/drinks and a little extra for a gift if I don’t go to the shower. Normally FH and I will give a cash and shower gift that have a combined gift of about $200-250. Also, If I know their parents are forking out the cash for the wedding, I tend to give gifts over money.

@Mina ~ I am from Kansas City too and have NEVER heard of paying to cover your plate.

This is ridiculous. I always spend $50-100 or a little more if I'm really close to the person/people, and I buy off the registry. If you have to "pay" for your meal, then it's not a gift. I am getting married in August, and I know people are going to give me gifts/money. However, I don't have any expectations about it one way or the other. I thought that having a wedding and spending whatever money you are going to on food/drinks is just part of hosting your guests properly. No strings attached. I would never expect them to cover the cost of their meal..though most will at my wedding since we are having a brunch reception and the cost per head is under $50/person.

I didn't even make it past page 1 without being FLOORED at this conversation. I'm with the gals that would never ever expect gifts or money. I chose to invite them...not expecting a gift.

I do enjoy hearing how different traditions are all across the country. I'm in Texas

And as for that girl...how flipping rude of her to even say anything! If they want to be mean and catty behind her back then fine...but geez i'd never have the balls to say something like that to someones face!

Yeah, her coworker is totally out of line. It's rude to complain about a gift.

At the same time, the lowest I've ever given for a wedding is $75 and a $12-$15 gift for the bridal shower. In general, it is a bit strange to invite someone you barely know to your wedding ...

Gifts are gifts. They should not be expected and should be given as the giver is able. Not everyone attending a wedding can afford to give $100+. I sure as hell can't. I've also never heard of this nonsense about a gift having to pay for your plate before WW.

If someone gave me a $20 bottle of wine as a gift, I'd know they don't know me well, but I'd still be touched that they had chosen to give a gift. They didn't have to give anything, after all, but they still did, and the thought is there.

A story: a couple years ago a good friend of mine - my former boss at the time in fact - got married. I bought for him and his wife a waffle maker from their registry. It was a small, cheap gift, but it was what I could afford at the time. He brought up the waffle maker at the wedding, going on about how awesome it was they had one, and then one of the two of them proceeded to text me every time they made waffles with it for a good month or two after a wedding.

So yeah. Give what you can and what you want. I'm sure as hell not having a wedding for gifts or money. I wouldn't have even done a registry if I hadn't been pestered by both families because I hate being asked what I want for something.

Well then what the hell do when invited to an affair where the drinks are watered down and the chicken isn't edible? Demand a refund on the gift? becuase it clearly isn't worth the cost!

GrayCat - different regions throughout the country have different gift-giving customs AND different income levels. You might be embarassed to receive a gift of $100, but many of us are USED to giving at LEAST that much as a gift, or more. In fact, me and FH give far more than $100 each now when we go to a wedding. That is our choice, sorry. Everyone has a different perspective of what is "normal" to them and what they can afford.

What happened to your friend was absolutely WRONG, but she is in a different part of the country now where gift giving at weddings is obviously different than she and you have experienced in Indiana.

I get what Emily is saying but if her parents paid for the wedding, she should be thankful for getting ANY gifts. haha, sounds like a spoiled brat to me.

I have also heard this rule, but seeing as the guest should not know the costs of the plate anyway it never made sense to me. However, I told my parents I was registering for some things under $100 and they looked at me like I was crazy and that the gifts should be well over this amount and even more expensive than the cost per head. Everybody's different I guess.

@Emily: Yes, I understand that completely. It was just a shock to my MoH - who is in her mid 20s and has been to maybe 2 weddings before. She came to me for advice because I have been to many weddings, but for the ones me and FH have attended, it has been standard practice to purchase a few items from the bride's registry amounting to $30-$50 depending on how well we are acquainted with the couple. Then again, at the weddings I have attended boxed gifts are given as a norm. Spending $50 at a Target registry goes a long way and coming in with large bundles looks like you spent a wad when you really didn't. If we have had to travel and pay for a hotel room that has also impacted the amount we chose to spend on a gift. I think it was more that my MoH could not believe the balls this girl had to tell another coworker about the situation then make her feel like crap about it. BTW they all knew she was new in town and had no money (obviously because she just started a job at A CALL CENTER).

I'm from Chicago and have always heard this "rule". From my experience, it is standard to give $100/person minimum. With that said, your friend's coworker had no business talking crap about the gift. And the bride is an idiot for inviting someone she barely knew to her wedding and then telling people who gave what/how much $$$. Completely classless and rude.

No, I agree, the bride and the co-worker were completely out of line, rude and tacky to mention this at ALL. Your friend did nothing wrong. The invitation was obviously a gift grab from the bride.