Giving a gift to "cover the cost of the meal" please explain this to me...

Uh you realize I didn't say I agreed with what my moms coworkers said right? And that I said more than once in this thread that I agreed your friend didn't have to give $150? Drop the attitude.

You asked. I told you a social norm in the Boston area (which is what your post is about) I didn't say I agreed with it.

I agree with Heather. I think it's a common practice or statement in the Northeast to cover your plate. I asked someone at work how you would know the cost of the plate and she said she asks the bride or a close relative.

I'm a Midwest girl too and I have never heard of this rule. In my area we just give what we can and what is listed on your registry. This has to be a regional expectation.

@Heather - I misread your post, I stand corrected and I apologize

In a million years I'd never even think of asking a relative what the dinner costed. Yikes.

If this is an issue, tickets should be sold.

I'm from the Midwest and that is what I've been taught. I don't think it's a regional thing....just like other traditions it can be just how you were brought up. Clearly families living next door can have differing opinions and beliefs.

@Celia- I agree! I was shocked when she said she would ask what the cost per plate was!

I am from MA and yes, if you can afford it you are usually expected to cover the cost of your meal. If you don't know the cost of the meal, at least $100. But I do think that by inviting a co-worker of 2 weeks does seem like this girl was just looking for gifts; especially since she also talked about it with another co-worker. That is much worse than any "breaking" of gift giving protocol.

Celia, you would be surprised at how many people will know how much the per person cost for a plate is. Around here it is not uncommon for someone to ask how much one is paying for the wedding and much as how people will share registry information, people around here will pass along the information. My mother knows how much I am paying for my wedding and I know she has mentioned it to family members. Just because you don't agree with what people do doesn't mean you should ridicule them. We are not requiring people to give a certain amount of money, it is custom. By stating we should require tickets is like suggesting that brides in other parts of the country would require a gift before someone is "admitted" into their reception.

I am not expecting people to cover the cost of their meals at my wedding and assume I may get a few physical gifts but know that we will end up with more cards than gifts. Again, that's the tradition here. Gifts are for showers and cash is usually given at a wedding.

I don't remember ever hearing this as a serious expectation. I give what I can afford, based on how close I am to the couple.

I can't even imagine telling someone how much my wedding costs. Like my parents know and maybe a bridesmaid or so who helped with stuf knows, but if a normal guest/family member ever asked me how much it was per person I wouldn't tell them. I want my guests to be able to spend the day with me, not to pay me back.

My MoH called to ask ME if I thought she should take this bride to lunch or something to "make up" for her *wrong* choice for a wedding gift. Then she danced around the notion that for some reason I would expect the same or more from her since she is my MoH. I was so mad, I wanted to strangle the office girl myself - I mean why would you put someone in this position on purpose unless the office girl did do it on purpose out of jealousy or something stupid like that? My MoH was raised with me like she is my younger sister so I was up in arms since she was so upset about the whole mess.

I think it was much worse for the bride to mention her gift to anyone. I don't think your MOH needs to buy this RUDE girl to lunch or anything. She didn't do anything wrong and the co-workers is wrong and rude to mention it. Again, I don't think that most of the brides here would react that way. Personally I would understand that other areas of the country have different customs. For example, I figure that my father's family from Ohio will probably bring physical gifts to my wedding. I won't be upset or anything like that, I invited my guests because I want them to spend my day with me NOT for cash or gifts.

I live in Boston. Please message me this coworker's information so I can show up at her place and slap some sense into her!

I promise that this "cover the cost of your plate" bullshit is not a Boston thing. It's an asshole thing.

I'm from a Western, Mass and this is not the norm! I have heard about this. "etiquette rule" from WW before, but it's not something people actually do where I'm from. I usually go with something off the registry. But by the time you have purchased the shower gift and the wedding gift, not to mention travel expenses, and if you are in the wedding the extra costs associated with that, it can be financially hard. The way I see it, I'm planning a day and I want the ones I love to be there and celebrate this day with us. Whether they get us a gift doesn't matter to me, we already have everything we need. Things are just things. Personally, I think it was incredibly tacky for this bride to casually invite a new co-worker of two weeks to her wedding. That's fishing for gifts!

@Celia Milton, I always love your comments. You are awesome!

I mean I totally understand the cost of living/costs of goods and services/cost of transport/etc. varies greatly between here and there nationwide. I travel extensively, so I DO UNDERSTAND that a wedding you can throw here in Indiana for 7K will cost you 15-20K in NYC. I get that. But to call someone out on a gift or expect people to "pay you back" for being invited to a wedding is just a wow kind of thing.

What I find wierd is how that girl invited your friend without barely knowing her who does that. I think some people like showing off and do anything to make friends. I think her gift was perfectly fine.

I'm another east coaster who has grown up hearing this, so I'm familiar with it, but also think it's crap. A gift, is a gift, is a gift. People should give what they are able and recipients should be thankful. The coworker was completely out of line.

What the hell! What's next?! Might as well start selling tickets to the wedding and put out something to take donations if that's what's expected.

In my family and social circle, it is the norm to cover the cost of your meal. I'm from mass and live n the DC area and you can estimate the cost based upon the wedding venue. At minimum, we give $100 as a single and $200 as a couple.

This is the way my MoH explained it: She works with a bunch of young 20 somethings like herself, and they were paired as two girls to a cubicle so if you want to chit-chat all day, you did so with your cube mate.

The bride made a point of saying it was no big deal who she invited because her father was paying because initially my MoH declined and said she did not want to be like a "plus one" nor did she want the girl to feel like she had to invite her because she was her new cube mate. I could not tell if the girl who invited her was just trying to be nice - or if she was just wanting more guests to give her more cash. The fact that she later blabbed to yet another co-worker about the wine thing leads me to thing the latter occurred. Plus the girl has not talked to my MoH since the wedding or since she switched offices.