Giving a gift to "cover the cost of the meal" please explain this to me...

That other girl is incredibly rude and should mind her own business. The gift amount is not to cover the cost of your meal…it's based on whatever you can comfortably afford. That is ridiculous.

I always give at least 100, possibly less if i'm not close to the person or if i'm just not making a lot of money, I've always been told to at least try to cover the cost of myself being invited to the wedding.

The cover your plate thing is BS. As I used to say in church, "give as you are moved and able".

And that girl should shut up.

I actually have heard this a bunch of times

I don't know where it comes from though.

I know I won't make up for what I paid for the wedding, that doesn't bother me.

However, it is typically here (in the Boston area) to expect to give at least $100 as a gift. I would feel awkward only giving a $20 bottle of wine. But then again, wedding here you typically don't bring gifts, just cash. Gifts are for showers.

Wow I was always told to give at least 100.00 to cover the cost of the plate as well. 200.00 if you have a plus one. I want to see what the general census is on this one.

I think on the east coast its kind of expected to give a gift worth the price of your meal. Sucks no one told her- hopefully this wont be held against her socially at the office. I always give at least $75 if its just me. (central pa, so lower COLA). When FH and I both go to a wedding we aim for 120 to 200. We try to estimate based off the venue- at a fire hall, even at 120, we more than covered our share. That may be split between a gift off the registry and cash. But I always give the majority in cash.

To be fair, i have to admit we shook our heads a little when one of FHs aunts, along with her three adult children, gifted us crap we didn't even register for (no gift receipt) then when we returned it, we got a whopping $80 in store credit. Honestly, I'm just glad we were able to return it.

Eta: wanted to add, i dont expect people to give gifts they cannot afford.

This is a fairly common sentiment where I'm from. (Long island NY). I hate it. People are "expected" to cover their plate. Most halls here are a minimum100 per person. With that being said, I don't expect my guests to cover their plate. I'm glad my friends and family will be there to support us and will be happy with whatever we receive.

I'm sure if the bride heard that this happened, she would be more offended/embarrassed than your friend was.

I'm not sure where the idea of covering the cost of your meal came from; maybe its a standard soft-guideline if you really don't know where to start? I find the whole concept to be super unromantic.

I'm from Massachusetts. That office girl was super rude and should not of said anything. Way to make someone feel crappy! When we got married I asked my DH what he thought we'd get for money. He said generally the unwritten rule is "what the meal cost". I have no idea what guests think a meal costs because there is no way to know before hand unless you ask the bride or groom and I mean who would do that lol.

When I had been to weddings I gave what I could afford at the time.

When we opened our cards we got much more and some people gave less. We were grateful for anything. Even if it was just a card.

I have never heard of this whole gift being the cost of the food per person thing until one of my guests asked me how much I was spending per person. I was like huh?? and just told her politely to spend what she can afford and thinks is appropriate, and if she needs ideas we are registered. I think that given the relationship that she had with the couple, that gift was totally appropriate and they should be thankful she gave anything given how little they know each other. they chose to spend $200 a person. how is that her problem? and how was she suppossed to know while shopping before the wedding? that girl is rude and needs to get over herself. if they chose to spend so much per person then they obviously had enough money to throw around and can take the loss. it's not the guest's obligation to reimburse them or something.

I'm 35 and I didn't know of this concept until I joined WW - but in south Texas we give gifts, not money.

My MoH was floored - she actually called me (which is rare, we have been texting because I have a "dumb phone") and I could tell she was about to cry. She was SO EMBARRASSED - but by the grace of God shortly after the wedding, the girl who shared the cubicle with her was transferred to another department on another floor so they had not spoken since the wedding.

I told her it sounded to me like she was grubbing for gifts and was inviting everyone she came across since it was on her daddy's dime. I had to ask how in the hell would you even know the cost per-person for someone's wedding? I had never heard of this before in my life - to give a gift based on the cost per head.

When my MoH told the nib-nose she did not know "proper decorum" for a Boston wedding, she girl said "well if the meal is plated and they have an open bar that means you give at least $150 - oh and that is usually in cash." I had a true W-T-F moment.

It's tradition in the Northeast to cover the cost of your plate, if it is financially viable. If not, then giving a gift that is affordable, should be perfectly acceptable.

A gift can only be given freely and without obligation....otherwise, it is a payment.

^she does have a point that most plated meals with open bar in Boston are $150.

It's just not typical here to give a non cash gift for a wedding.

(I'm not saying your friend had to give $150 or even know that it is $150 a person)

Even my moms coworkers (who are older business people) said that because my weddin is so expensive people will need to give a more expensive gift to make up for it. I don't know where this came from, but being in Massachusetts I have heard similar things from multiple people in different social circles.

This isn't a tradition; it's something someone made up.

Ive seen this 'theory' a lot on this website, and it seems to be an east cost thing? im not sure. i live in iowa and i have NEVER heard of this before prior to wedding wire. i would NEVERRR expect someone to cover the cost of their plate in cash. that is just insane. and honestly, if the girls dad was paying for it all, my guess is the money she 'made' off gifts didnt go back to her dad, so it was just a way of making some cash. sounds like she invited anyone she came across and expected to get that 100-200$ and to pocket it. pretty low if you ask me! i'd be damn happy with a 20$ bottle of wine from someone i didnt even know! but thats just me

She JUST MOVED THERE, and I mean she was in a cubicle with this girl for 2 weeks when she casually invited her to her wedding. Basically everything she makes goes into rent, so I knew and she knew there was no way she could come up with $150 just to give this girl she barely knew.

And @Heather, I do not care where who is from, "people will NEED to give a more expensive gift" is horseshit. People/YOUR GUESTS do not owe you anything because you chose to have an expensive wedding. That is the most rude and conceited thing I have ever heard....

I am from St. Louis and I was taught to give a gift that should cover the cost of your meal. However, I agree that as a guest it is not always easy to know how much your meal costs! As a bride, I would never be offended by the cost of the gift or the amount of money given by a guest at our wedding. (Here it is common to give either gifts or money at weddings.) As far as I'm concerned, the point of having a wedding is to celebrate your love and commitment to your partner, and receiving gifts is a nice perk, but is not necessary!

I live in Canada and the few weddings I have been to, my mom always gave a cheque. It was usually around $50 which is what we coulf afford. Money gifts seem to be common, but items from a registry are also common too.

I had never heard of covering the cost of your plate.

When I implied to my future mother in law and future step-father in law that we were going to get a lot of money gifts at the wedding they were both shocked and said,"how much money do you expect to get?!"