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Master October 2015

Giving a gift to "cover the cost of the meal" please explain this to me...

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GrayCatVintage, on May 4, 2014 at 10:10 PM

My MoH moved to Boston recently. She was invited to a wedding almost immediately after starting a new job. She wanted to make friends and she is very outgoing so of course she accepted. She barely knew this girl aside from the fact that they shared a cubicle at work so she just got her a card and like a $20 bottle of wine. Fast forward to a month after the wedding. Some other office girl made a point of stopping by her cubicle to tell her it was "so not cool" for her to only give a $20 bottle of wine when the wedding was a $200 a head affair. We are from Indiana okay - no one aside from your parents or maybe your grandparents will gift you something costing $200. Most people rarely spend over $50 unless you are close. AND since when is it not proper to be a gracious gift recipient and since when does the cost per head at a wedding dictate the monetary amount of the gift? How do you even KNOW the cost per head to base your gift value on? Someone explain this to me please lol

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127 Comments

Super May 2014
Allison · on May 6, 2014 at 7:21 AM
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I think that's the northeast....not east coast. I don't even expect gifts. If you want them to cover their cost invoice them! How rude.
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Expert June 2014
Lisa G.I'm a Mrs. now! · on May 6, 2014 at 8:49 AM
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I'm from a small town in Ohio. Here, you give what you can. Of course family tends to give you more. I've NEVER had anyone tell me "oh, you should of given more" HOW RUDE!!!! I feel sorry for your friend, what a horrible situation to be in!
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VIP May 2014
Katie · on May 6, 2014 at 10:06 AM
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I've heard it before but don't think it's something you really need to follow. BUT I would never just give 20 to a couple for their wedding. I would give 100 at least! If FH and I can afford it we do 200. I would never judge or look down on someone for giving a small gift though. What they did was completely rude. They should have never have heard what you gave the couple.
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Expert May 2014
Mama Lea · on May 6, 2014 at 10:17 AM
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So I am from the Boston area and that is the norm in my circle however I will tell you at my first wedding 14 years ago, my ex-husbands family more specifically, did not give any gifts and most of them did not go to the shower either. I was fine with the no gift but, more than anything else a token of appreciation (verbal thank you or hug) or even a card with a blessing would have been nice instead they brought no gift and asked for doggie bags for the left over food!
That being said I am not expecting a gift to cover the meal at this wedding but I do think peple will gift us something and regardless of what it is or is not I will be grateful bring on the bottles of wine!
The co-worker and the bride were out of line for 1)discussing it 2) for saying something
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Expert March 2015
Geysa · on May 6, 2014 at 10:19 AM
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I'm in NY and that is normal. I haven't seen a gift at a wedding but don't think the other coworker should have said a nothing, that's was rude. Smh. I'm sure the bride was thankful either way.
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Expert October 2014
Sara · on May 6, 2014 at 10:20 AM
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I have heard this before as well. I've never understood it because how am I supposed to know what the cost of the plate will be? I went to a brunch buffet where it was $15 a person and then a dinner plated can be $65 or as I'm told now even higher. I typically give $75-100.

I think you should give what you can afford.
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