Getting married before the wedding.

There has to be another way to say "vow renewal". Won't people think it's strange that see them exchange rings at this vow renewal? Most vow renewals are 10 years after the original vows. It seems strange to me. If they haven't exchanged rings or said vows then is it a full wedding?? All you have to say at the court house to make it legal is "I do" and sign papers. You don't have to do the full thing if you are planning on doing it a few months later.

Well EW, now you're getting into the territory that other people are trying to say. Some people do think it's weird. A lot of folks on the Knot feel that exact way. You get one wedding per couple, they say.

This two weddings thing is only about three years old, maybe a bit more. Before that I'd never heard of a vow renewal before a milestone anniversary. The wedding industry loves it because, more customers.

Also, it's a wedding the day you are wed. Wherever that may be, at the courthouse included. Many people have had lovely courthouse weddings. Some people have fought hard to get the right to marry at the courthouse. This thing that some couples blithely dismiss as "signing the papers". That's a full wedding yes. You're confusing a wedding with a party.

I didn't say it was weird to have a courthouse wedding before your ceremony/reception. I said it was weird to call it a vow renewal in general. Especially if you haven't said vows. I don't consider "I do" full vows. Maybe call it a ring ceremony?? I don't know.

@EW The words that are said at a civil courthouse ceremony are vows. They're not cute and fluffy like "traditional" vows, but they're still vows.

Not wearing rings, not changing your name, not calling one another husband/wife doesn't make you any less married after a courthouse ceremony. As far as the government is concerned, you're husband and wife the day that license is signed. You have the power to make medical decisions, you can add one another to your insurance, you can jointly file taxes, etc. Trying to ignore it doesn't make it go away.

I know when to call it quits when discussing things, EW. That time is now. It's a thought provoking subject for sure.

But as OP stated they don't care about legal. They care about what marriage is in the church. Maybe there's a way she can say "please join us for a religious ceremony honoring our marriage"

@Meetthebrowns- I was raised Catholic and it definitely matters. A wedding outside of the church is a sin and not recognized by the church at all. OP is obviously concerned about this so maybe her church feels similarly.

"There are people out there that got married without paperwork and it's valid. The emotional exchange of vows outweighs the legal just a tad."

Tell that to the IRS or to insurance companies or to ICE. The legal part of a wedding is what makes it a wedding by every definition of the word.

@EW OP never said anything about the church but whatever.

Yes I realize that Elizabeth. Talk about taking all the love out of a wedding. What's the point if it's only for IRS purposes?? Jeeze.

La Grosera, pretend I used the same meme.

Ask anyone who's done it. But don't make a statement about the emotional aspect outweighing the legal and expect to not be called on it, especially on a thread where the reason the OP is getting married early is for legal reasons. You're so dismissive of the legalities involved when those rights weren't afforded to 10% of the population until recently.

Definition of wedding- the act or ceremony of marrying; marriage; nuptials.

Please tell me where it says anything about legal aspects??

I think a lot of those 10% had weddings that were really special and full of love. To dismiss that is pretty bad.

@EW I refuse to believe you don't get it. No one is naive enough to not know that a wedding is when two people are legally joined, which is why the ceremony is not required to have a wedding.

And you're the only one dismissing the experience of that 10% by so callously dismissing the legalities involved in marrying someone.

I'm just saying that not everyone cares that she's technically married. I would not care either way. I would consider her "vow renewal" a wedding. You are just arguing semantics. And no I am not dismissing the 10%. I went to the wedding of two male friends of mine before it was legal and I guess according to you it wasn't a wedding but it was a wedding to them and it was beautiful legal or not.

I think @Jacks had the right idea. Hey @EW, why don't you try not signing any paperwork when you have your "wedding" and see how long you can go living on the "emotional exchange of vows" and not the legal recognition of your union. I'll wait to hear back.

Night!

Sorry it was April B that brought up religion but I think she has a valid point.

Ummm...why would the legal aspect affect my life at all?? See how long I can go on living? What??

To me, it is a matter of consideration for your guests. Just like we all want to know (as guests) if the ceremony will be on grass so we don't wear heels that will punch into the soil, I would like to know as a guest if what I am watching is the actual legal marriage ceremony, or just a reproduction thereof. Is it live or Memorex? It makes a difference, as a guest, which should be the consideration in this decision, not this "it's your day" bullshit. As has been stated millions of times, the minute even one guest is invited, it is no longer about the bride and groom. Be honest with your friends and family. Why is this even an issue? Lying is lying.