Getting married before the wedding.

I swear its the same questions everyday. It would be nice if that google box worked better and people could see if their question was already asked.

"but who cares its all about you!"

Only if you're that self-centered.

Look, calling it a wedding is lying and most people here will tell you that (as evidenced by 99% of the posts on page one of this thread). It is, by definition, not a wedding. If you want to do this, knock yourself out. Just don't lie by calling it a wedding.

Don't lie to your nearest and dearest. At no other time would thus be justifiable, why pick your wedding to do this?

I agree with Elizabeth, it's really selfish to call it a wedding.

No one will think any less of you if you can it a vow renewal, or a celebration of marriage (I'm not sure if that's worded right)

If your family finds out how will they react to that? Also it is nothing going to be ashamed of, it is exciting and I wouldn't be able to hide it from anyone.

I don't have a problem with 2 celebrations, I just don't understand the need to hide it

We are doing this. We are getting married in a courthouse next month and having our church wedding in 2018. We are doing this for financial reasons and school (he's also military and will be deploying). We are not telling our families as a lot of them are over 1,000 miles away and would not be able to make it in such short notice. We want it to be fair so we aren't having anyone for the court wedding. To us, marriage is a religious celebration. Therefore, we do not consider the courthouse wedding a real wedding as yes, it is legally a wedding, but not in the eyes of God. So yes technically we are having a wedding and then a vow renewal in the eyes of the state. But for religious reasons (which we see is the original reason for marriages and if anyone is not religious and does not view it this way, no disrespect and all the support in your own views and opinions) our real marriage isn't until 2018 which is why we are not considering the one next month "real".

April, after the courthouse you will be married. Thats how many others will view it. Just because you don't view it that way doesn't mean that your nearest and dearest will feel the same way when they find out. I think withholding the truth is a shitty thing to do.

Pretty sure most religions also frown on it.

This is a tough one. To me the wedding is the one I'm at. I've had friends get married at the courthouse and later have a wedding and it didn't bother me that technically I didn't see the real one. The vows I saw seemed real to me and the reception was tons of fun.

I am so torn on this subject.

I would as a guest be a little put out that I was bamboozled

And your family will find out when all of the sudden you have health insurance, and college is taken care of...

On the other hand you wanna get courthouse married own it and do it, but don't sugar coat it

So should she actually send an invitation to her vow renewal and reception? That seems more strange to me.

Yes, EW. That's what she should do. I'd be happy to attend a vow renewal under those circumstances. Another way to put it would be "please help us celebrate the wedding of....which took place... on such and such a date.

Look if getting married beforehand is all great then why keep it a secret? Own it. I'm guessing because those that are keeping it secret are aware that some of their nearest and dearest might actually care. They might get flak for it. All the more reason to live authentically and own the decision.

@EW doing that is no different than what I did.

"The pleasure of your company is requested at a reception celebrating the marriage of..."

It's not weird at all.

It's not just a reception though from what I can tell. It's a ceremony and reception. Basically a wedding except the paperwork was done a few months prior. I get where you're coming from. I've just never seen anyone actually honor the courthouse wedding unless that's the celebration.

This will get out, unless you tell *no one*. So, either tell everyone, and understand that some people who would have come to your wedding won't come to your 'vow renewal', or don't do it.

@EW what I'm saying is that saying "The pleasure of your company is requested at X and Y's vow renewal" isn't strange as you stated. And what do you mean by "honor" the courthouse wedding? My husband and I won't acknowledge the day of our COM as our anniversary...our anniversary will be celebrated on the day we were married.

I personally wouldn't be *angry* if I found out later that a couple was married and had a fluffy ceremony and reception but I'd probably side-eye.

La Grosera, purely out of curiosity, what if you travelled 1000 miles to see the "wedding"? Would you more than side-eye? I'm not trying to start anything. I'm just wondering, honest.

Where is the roll the eye emoji.

People are so rude!

Do what makes YOU two happy. There is no normal in the world today. You don't have to legally get married at your ceremony and that certainly doesn't make it fake.

I think it's fine to announce it so it doesn't seem like you're hiding it... but it is up to you!

@Jacks I say side-eye more so because of the fact that there's no need to hide it. I wouldn't necessarily not go to a vow renewal but I definitely would be upset if I had to shell out that kind of money and the bride and groom didn't bother to tell anyone that they're already married. If it was close by, I would probably still be irritated but not angry.