Extra Guests, please help!

No. You send out invites and you collect RSVP's. People that don't respond don't get escort cards, and have nowhere to sit, and no meals. It's not your job to pay for and plan for people that want to crash your wedding. It's not a kegger.

I'm not sure how it works at you venue but at my venue. If there wasn't a paid place setting for you then you would not be able to attend. So yes, they would be turned away.

Why do you think there will be 20-30 uninvited people crashing your wedding?

And I agree with your FMIL, a doorman with a clipboard is tacky.

Because the way my FMIL is talking, is like random extra people will be showing up and its freaking me out. Weddings down here are very casual and open. FH's co-workers wife said, at her wedding they invited and planned for 100 people, 250 showed up! So i guess u can say from what i am hearing, i am panicking!!!

I wouldn't make any accomodations for rude people that just show up.

Just my 2 cents ;-)

No doorman, but just don't set a place for them. If you've done your job and called/emailed people who haven't RSVPed people who weren't invited or said no, shouldn't be rude enough to show up. If they do, they just can't eat, sit, etc. Oh well. I've never heard of so many uninvited people showing up.

So it wouldn't be wrong to just plan for the 200 we'r inviting and if extra show up then they will have to sit at tables that aren't decorated?

HOLY CRAP. If I had an extra 150 people show up at my wedding there would be some SERIOUS hell to pay, and I would be demanding these people pay for their portion. Seriously, that is absolutely, totally unacceptable and can be a large amount of money- In my case, it would be $9000 extra!!! I can't just pull $9000 out of my butt.

As others say, you should not have to plan for even 30 uninvited people to crash your wedding. You should make it very clear on the RSVPs who is invited and if they don't have a placecard, they don't get in/have a place to sit. Sucks for them.

Yeah thats not cool!! I am having someone with the RSVP'd guest list and if you arent on the list, and didnt RSVP you cant get in. I am paying per plate and I have to give the head count 2 weeks before the wedding. I cant have ppl crashing the wedding.

Aren't you doing RSVP cards? Those that respond "Yes" would have a place card, meal & seat and those that respond "No" or don't respond at all would not have a seat, an escort card or a meal. If 100 respond yes, then you have 100 seats available.

Also you are inviting 200, but you are bound to have some people say no, so maybe only 180 people RSVP yes, but then 20 extra people show up. You still are at your original number and have enough seating. So don't make room for extras.

Well all of this makes me feel better. But to answer you question Vanilla-Nut, We are sending out RSVP cards but FMIL says if they dont send one back they should still be allowed in because "the more the merrier". Also she says we shouldnt do assigned seating and just let everyone sit where they want. I'd like to have things a little more organized but every time i say something like "RSVP CARDS" or "ASSIGNED SEATING" she shoots it down because thats not how they do things here.

Is your FMIL willing to pay for all those who just show up? "The more the merrier" doesn't apply if you have a limited budget, and unless she is willing to foot the bill then she shouldn't have a say in any of this.

At this point theres no fighting with her about it, i'm just going to plan for who we are inviting and pray extra dont show up!

You should really have assigned seating. Not all guests will know eachother and may feel uncomfortable 'asking permission' to sit at a certain table. Other guests that do know people will attempt to 'reserve' seats for so-and-so... without escort cards & assigned seating it'll be a huge mess of musical chairs. NONONO!!!!! Assigned seating will make things much easier on the guests. TRUST me.

As for the randoms ... If you dont receive an RSVP in a certain amount of time - you send out an email or card to them "Please be aware that venue will be unable to accommodate any guests that are unable to accept our invitation by (your date). If you don't hear from them the venue will assume you are not attending therefore will not be reserving any seats or tables." You should prepare to have 1 extra table 'just in case' but you really shouldn't be dealing with the extra stress that planning for random people may bring.

You also should probably stop asking for your FMIL's advice.. she doesn't seem to know what she's talking about ...

@Kimi-I'm going to have to go over it with the FMIL again because i completely agree! She says "Well people should sit with people thay dont know so they can get to know each others and out familys can become friends." I'm all for that but not everyone is going to want to sit with someone they dont know.

That's why you figure out the seating arrangements- you know who knows who, who is shy and who would get along. it will make things so much easier if you do the seating chart. Some of the weddings I've been too - they have half the table from the grooms side - half from the brides. That way everyone is mingling but you know at least one other couple at the table.

Plus it kinda sounds like your FMIL invited people you didn't invite. Thats why all of the "more the merrier" talk. I would definately do escort cards for those who RSVP.

Also as far as how many centerpieces...I would make a few extra incase some didn't make the trip to the venue. (not for extra seating)

Nobody who is invited should be allowed in, period.