Extra Guests, please help!

I dont think FMIL invited extra people but she has given me alot of names from her family or friends that i dont know. Its fine as long as i have them on my list, and i've written down every name shes given to me. I dont mind having a lot of people there i just want to plan for them.

You need your FH to man up and talk to his mom and set her straight.

Also, why would you have 80 tables setup when you only need 20? Sure you can have up to 80 but why bother paying the venue to set them up when you can have more room to dance and party?

@Glenn- FH isnt really into the planning thing so i doubt he'll say anything.

and to Kimi about not asking my fmil for any advice-its kind of hard because shes the only one helping me and to be honest that really is how they do weddings around here. I dont mean in the whole state of Louisiana but atleast in this city.

@Glenn- At my venue its an aarp center, like a big hall or community center. So they have 80 tables set up already, everyday, no matter what. Even with the 80 tables already there we have plenty of room to party and dance but the contract says after the wedding i have to put all 80 tables back the way they were or else i dont get my deposit back. Which is fine because the way they are set up is already really pretty. I just wont be using all of them.

Is your mother-in-law paying for the reception? If not, she DOES not have a say about this. Go by your RSVPs and that's it. If people don't respond, call or email and give them a firm date to get back to you. Have assigned seating so this way, if rude people DO show up, it will be clear there is no where for them to sit and they will leave.

I don't care if he's in the planning or not, it's important for him to talk to his mom and lay down the law now or else he's basically allowing her to walk all over you, his FW. Simple math equation for you:

FW/DW > Mother

Frankly if you are really the most important thing in his life (as you should be) he should go about taking care of this, whether or not he's into the planning or not, because it's important to you.

I was just going to type what Kelly M typed. If she is not paying for it, she doesn't have a say. Your FH needs to speak to his mother.

With those kinds of numbers, you need assigned seating, or there will be mass confusion. I wasn't going to do it for my 64 people, but I relented and am doing escort cards.

RSVP's are included in the invite with an exact number of people who are invited. The RSVP is sent back with that number. You give your caterer that final number, and if you go over the number on the day of, you pay the extra. If there are no shows you paid for, you are SOL. If there is no escort card, there is no seat. Period.

What you also need to consider, you will have guests who RSVP yes and don't show.

I hope this all works out for you. You need to get your FMIl in line. It is not her wedding.

Idk i think if FH talks to his mom she will go through one of her menopause flip outs and then everything will just be bad! I mean she really does help me a lot, its just sometimes it seems like what i want and what she wants clash way to much. Also as far as having to pay more for more meals, FH's aunt is doing the cooking for the buffet so when the foods gone, its gone! All i have to do is pay her for how much the food costs.

But i really do appreciate every ones support and advice! I'm going have to have a talk with her, a calm and relaxed talk, but a talk none the less.

You don't have to listen to my advice, it's not like I've been down this road with a MIL before, oh wait....

Seriously, if you talk it's going to be a billion times worse than if your FH mans up, acts like an adult, and confronts his mother.

I still dont know, shes very sensitive!

So its your FMIL that is "rondomly" inviting people? Thats too bad. As stated before, do a seating chart with table numbers, and have place cards with peoples names and invited guests. The people who just "show up" will start milling around trying to find somewhere to sit, and when they don't find one and dinner starts, they will be left standing....kind of like the game Musical chairs LOL. They will be the ones feeling really silly standing there with nowhere to sit, and it will be their "wedding 101" lesson that you don't crash weddings. As well, you could let your bridal party know about the "potential problem", tell them to keep an eye out for the people walking around without a place to sit, and have your wedding party approach them and politely ask them "can I help you find your seat"?. And when they say that they didn't see their name on the seating chart, get your bridal party to play dumb and ask "well did you RSVP".....and then thats where the truth will come out!

Chelsea, you may want to just put 8 people at a table instead of 10 -- that will fill up more tables (but you'd pay for more linens and centerpieces).

If she's really sensitive it's more important that you have HIM talk to her than if you do the talking. Sorry but he's getting married and you need to come first and he needs to man up.

I dont really think its him needing to man up because hes stuck up for me to his mom before. But i dont want him to do anything that could mess with their relationship, over me!

Him not sticking up for you on this (since it's obviously troubling you enough that you have to come on here and vent) is going to mess with your relationship with him (even if not now, you will remember it years from now when he doesn't stand up for you again) over her. Trust me, you SHOULD be more important than him and if something is upsetting you this much you need to have HIM be a man and stand up to his mother like an adult would.

Maybe i should talk to him about him talking to his mom. I just hope it doesnt back lash.

I agree with Glenn, 100%. She is going to end up causing some SERIOUS problems if things keep going down this path.

It will backlash less than if you talk to his mom.

I am trying to picture a room with 80 tables in it, but only 20 of them with something on them. Odd.

Honestly, you need to tell FMIL that she cannot invite additional people. You have a number that you are comfortable with and that's that.

No need for a clipboard (that would look like some type of drill), just do assigned seating with a seating chart of escort cards. This way, extra people will not have a spot at a table where those who were invited, and RSVP's should sit...and eat.