Some threads really puzzle me

I have been tempted so many times to post "let me google that for you" links on threads before but didn't want to come off as THAT catty :-)

Actually Amy, a newbie changing their avatar DOES have bearing on this forum. The avatar pix (oops you like good grammar) I mean pictures are how we identify each other when posting. Versus the spammers who post without changing their avatars. So when we see someone new but not changing their picture, we think: it's a spammer, don't answer the thread. Which leads to the newbie feeling left out or unanswered. So it does have alot of bearing, which is why we mention it all the time.

This is indeed a wedding forum, but it's also a free forum, public place. So ultimately we are 100% allowed to complain. Some people judge it, but to each their own. As some would say, you're complaining about people complaining, how does that work?

Now as far as the grammar, I completely agree with you on that. I use bad grammar myself sometimes. But when I see a post that's so bad I can hardly understand it, it's very annoying.

Also about what Madeleine Albright said, I think me mentioning the avatar thing IS support. How? Well like I said, if we think someone is a spambot or troll b/c they didnt change their avatar, we can't give them full support they came here for. We have more tendency to offer advice/comment/give support when we know the person is really a bride.

Future Mrs. B: I've been having all sorts of fun with it. I don't care if I come off sarcastic or catty, it's funny, and it actually does the search for them, so win win

Of course avatars have bearing on the forum. In addition to what MB said, most people are visual. We remember people, their problems, progress, etc. more based on the picture we see, rather than the name. We currently have quite a few Amys and Jennifers. Without avatars, it's practically impossible to keep track. So yes, it makes a difference.

Also, we do help each other, particularly when it matters. Pointing out simpler, more efficient, and perfectly obvious solutions, such as google, doesn't mean we don't support people. It just means, there is an obvious, more efficient way to solve the problem.

I had been on WW using the checklist and budget tool for months Before I got on forms. I have never used any kind of forms. I was trying to make a decision ( cant remember now what it was) so FH ask me if you guys had a form and to look there. Been here ever sense. Google was my greatest friend when I was looking for vendors.

I'm amazed the number of times that I've had to say, "Have you done a vendor search here on WW?".

I'm also amazed by the posts where the bride asks a question that really only a vendor could answer BUT blocks vendors from replying. And then wonders why the "mean brides" didn't respond to her question.

Your argument only makes sense only under the assumption that all people who don't change their avatars are spammers. And that's simply not the case. In fact, before this weekend I rarely saw spammers on here (actually, I didn't see many spammers this weekend either--just lots and lots of posts about the spammers, although that could be because I'm in a later time zone). Some people just don't change their pics for various reasons. The idea that people who aren't "newbies" would hold that against them and not respond to their questions, which, arguably, are equally important to them as others' questions are to them, is a little catty to me. Perhaps I'm just not engrossed enough on these message boards to care about what someone's picture is over what the substance of her question is. My goal here is get support and help in planning my own wedding and help others to the extent possible in planning theirs. So all of the self-important, sorority-style cattiness is comical to me.

Uhhh masquerade that may have been the best thing i have seen all day!

"self-important, sorority-style cattiness"?!? Wow. I'm glad to see you like this place.

@Amy, you don't care about avatars, fine, I respect that. I answer double ring threads, too, if I can, and also kindly ask that they change their avatars. I'm never gonna remember a bunch of different names, too many common names, and the avatar is something I can remember when I advise someone. That helps build relationships, not just say "Here's your answer."

Also, a lot of the double rings seem to be fly-by-night brides that ask one question and leave. So after a while, you start assuming that these are brides that asked one question and aren't coming back, so it doesn't really motivate some of us to answer.

We like avatars (among other things.) That's not gonna change. You don't care about avatars. That's not gonna change. We're not wrong just like you aren't. But it certainly doesn't make us catty because we strongly prefer avatars.

As another thing I don't understand -- thread titles. I get that some people don't know that they are posting to more than local boards, so I'll usually suggest adding the city to title. But when your thread title is "Help!" Are you drowning? No, give us something -- "Help with invites!" "Help with hairstyles!" "Help with a specific thing so I don't have to dig through paragraphs to find an actual question then find out I can't help in any way!"

Also, I remember one bride didn't like that I suggested she do a vendor search for her questions -- I was familiar with the area she was in, and the questions she asked were so specific that they weren't getting answered. So, like I would tell anyone else, try a vendor search. Apparently I told her a few times - default avatar, so I didn't know it was the same person until she PMed me that I was being negative by pointing her in a direction that might get her an actual answer.

I had to chime in. I live in a town of 100,000 people and the vendor search on WW was useless to me. Not one vendor in my area. That is no one's fault, but I just wanted to remind the ones who always tell newbies to use the Vendor tool that it might not be helpful to them. I use Google like it's nobodys business but if I didn't know Google, I'd be screwed.

@Lindy -- True, my venue doesn't show on the search here. But being that we never really know where anyone is from, we suggest the vendor search as a starting point. But it seems some brides seem to not even do a basic Google search first. Asking about a venue in an area that meets specific criteria (bring your own alcohol, bring your own food, etc.) is different than "I'm looking for venues in Tampa. Know any?"

If they say that the vendor search didn't help or come back and add that, then we get more to go on. So I'll add that to the list -- details please. Google Queens can't help if you don't give us details on what you're looking for or what you've done so far that hasn't worked so we don't repeat the mistake or advise to do what you've already done.

@Amy B.: The big problem is that people's names don't show up on the front page; only their avatars do. Since most forums actually show people's names on the front page, many newbies don't realize that having a generic avatar means that no one will recognize their posts. Telling them so is helpful.

Agreed Reenski!

I think it would benefit some of us to read this article:

http://www.forawe.com/news.php?viewStory=144

In no way am I perfect, but I strive to treat every single person I come into contact with with respect, regardless of how much they might annoy me. Sometimes we just have to live and let live...

Honestly, I don't see any of these things as being a problem. If the person needs to use their resources, isn't that what they're doing when they ask a question on WW?

Hmmm..you can stay or you can leave....AIN'T nobody holding your a$$ hostage =) My mamma always says "catty is as catty does". Spammers are here each and EVERY day and if you have not noticed them then I don't know what to say.

We do come to "recognize" people by their avatar....that's just how it goes. I personally like to be unique and be myself and I get to do that at WW. I have my own avatar and people have come to "know" me after reading my posts and my responses to other posts. If there are 2 people named Misty and both have "generic" avatars I will NEVER know which one I am speaking with.

What we are trying to say is...we have been hit by spammers often, they tend to ALWAYS use the generic avatar therefore we are less likely to open those posts...there is nothing "catty" about it.

Hmm. I guess I just don't really see this as a social media-type of site like that. I don't even look at the avatars, to be honest. If I have a question to ask, I ask it. If a thread title looks like it might be interesting, like it might apply to me, or like I might be able to help, I'll read it. I have no idea who's posting it. I don't see a problem whatsoever if someone comes on just to ask one question and then disappears. In my mind, that's what these sites are for. I have facebook for social media. This site, to me, is for wedding planning. I'm willing to bet that many more people are reading these posts than posting, and if someone has one quick question that will help her, why is it bad that she only posts that one question and then leaves? My point is that I couldn't care less about avatars and profiles and personalities and long-term relationships here (no offense) because my purpose for being here to help and be helped in wedding planning alone, not to build relationships.

*shrug*

Such is the nature of the internet and forums - people express their opinions, whether they are good, bad or otherwise.

Others chime in and agree, disagree, or are indifferent.

It cracks me up that on a thread about a pet peeve (which we all have mind you), other people express their frustration/disapproval/disgust at each other for having a pet peeve.

It's the internet. You get to say what you want, hopefully in a respectful manner, and people get to make comments. Do they have to agree with you? Do they have to think you're right? Does it matter if you don't agree with them? Nope. But who gives a rats arse? These comments bear NO RELEVANCE to our lives.

We come here because it's fun, useful, and a good way to kill time.

It's our choice to engage in such threads, it's our choice not to.