Day 1 of Marriage and I hate it. Advise please.

Oh I am so happy for you!!!! I have to apologize for thinking you were a troll I wish you the best- God Bless

Thanks awesome! I am glad talking to him worked well for you and I definitely hope everything changes for the better!!

I learned a long time ago that a healthy relationship is two people living seperate lives together. It appears your life has been turned upside down and its normal for you to feel like you don't have your seperate life to create that happy balance within your marriage. I don't think he's doing anything wrong. He doesn't know whats going on unless you communicate to him how hard this adjustment is for you. I also recommend you two seeking professional help. There are a lot of changes going on in your life and sometimes having someone there to mediate and help you through those changes can go a long way. Ahhh...and I just read your update and am glad you did utilize your voice and talk to him. I still think it wouldn't hurt to seek some counseling on a professional level. There's a lot of advice out there, its your choice whether you take it and use it. You never know what experiences can help strengthen your marriage until you open yourself to them. Good luck.

Im a little late on this post but I think you should talk to your mate. Tell him exactly what you have been expressing to us and if he does not like it or is not willing to change then thats when you have to decide is it worth staying. So what you just got married like you said he does one thing when you are around and something different when he is gone. If you are not happy you need to figure out what YOU are going to do to make YOU happy.

@ Shoe - sorry I am just catching up with posts now as work has been crazy busy - but I am glad you talked with your Hubby and that things are getting better. It sucks but sometimes you have to hit them over the head with things that are bothering you because men do tend to be oblivious at times, I know mine certainly can be lol. I hope things keep getting better for you guys and remember to always communicate your feelings, even if you think it makes you needy. He is the one person in your life who should ALWAYS know how you are feeling, both good and bad. Good luck - and if you ever need an ear to vent to you can always PM me

@Shoe - I'm sorry I didn't belive you - and although I gave you my honest opinion, it was def a lot...harsher than if I'd 100% belived that you were being honest.

I'm glad you had a talk with him and that it worked out for the best, but I still belive that you two need couples counseling ASAP. Not being able to comfortable discuss your feelings with your mate is something that will occur again and again if you don't deal with the underlining issue.

Maybe one expectation could be that you take turns every other week planning a "date night",each of you agree on the night you will keep free that week. The date could be anything, cooking a meal at home/making popcorn and renting a movie from the $1 red box, or going out for dinner, or packing a picnic, bowling, even a gym workout followed by dinner out. He's talked the talk, here's hoping he walks the walk.

I am so glad to here that. I always say a closed mouth don't get feed. Keep talking to one another no matter how you feel. As long as you keep talking everything will be fine. It is when you don't talk than that leads to divorce. Good luck!!!

If you've located because you got married...you may be able to file for unemployed benefits. Why can't you work for a month. When I moved to Washington because of my husbands job I was able to file and receive unemployment. Why not volunteer at a local school to fill in your time. You could be just at wits end from being in a new town. Glad you two had a talk and working things thru but you do need to do some things outside of the house in order to meet people and volunteering helps you do that and to network.

Yay, I'm so glad to hear this *hugs* *hugs*

Yay! Sometimes you just do need to sit down and talk things out with your husband or even fiance. I always tell my fiance how it is! I'm not afraid at all and I think it angers my mom but my dad raised me to be a very strong and independent woman and I'm doing my best to become one! It's a little easier I think because my Fiance and I work completely opposite schedules! I'm a teacher so I work mornings and he's a ramp agent for the airlines so he works nights ... He always tells me how much he loves it that I make him lunch on occasion, leave him a little dinner to spare and one night every month I surprise him with a Domino's Pizza waiting for him when he gets home ... So even though I'm asleep 95% of the time that he comes home, he will always leave me sweet notes and we have a rule on Saturdays, it's just us, nobody else ... Just us! It's been really great!

SHOE: It's unfortunate that you are already married, and are questionable about your overall marriage/relationship with your husband. These are the things that should be taken into consideration BEFORE the marriage takes place, and not taken lightly, because it can, and will destroy your marriage/relationship later on. I say this because I was once a victim of "Blind Love" and can totally relate to the issues you are now having. I was in a relationship for 8 long years with someone who never apreciated me. I know what you're thinking....what made you stay with him for so long? Well, I didn't what most young girls/women tend to do when they're so called in love...Give, and Give, and Give, ALL OF YOURSELF, TIME, PLEASURE, EVERYTHING YOU CAN THINK OF, to this guy (because you love him), and we stupidly expect they will do it in return. Well my parents have been married for 34 years this past August 8, 2010, and they along with other longterm married couples....

It don't work that way!

It's the brutle honest truth, but a common mistake may women make, and we have to stop putting so much of ourselves into something, or someone that we forget about us.

I've been watching my parents since I was young, and I believe in marriage, and have seen the wonders it can create between two people who really love each other. I don't belive in divorce, so this is what you need to ask yourself now...Is my marriage worth saving? If your answer is yes...then you definately need to seek some counseling. COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY!!!! I found out 8 years and two kids later that the man I thought I wanted the marry, was not the one for me at all. Sometimes we just don't see these things in the beginning. We are blinded by the idea we create in our minds of how great of a coupld we COULD be, instead of being. It's like a fantasy...you need to wake up, and ask yourself...is he really GOOD FOR me?

Umm...erica...maybe you should read everything and not make this about you. They did take things into consideration before they got married and because of circumstances just werent able to see things about each other. Im really sorry you were stuck in a crappy marriage, but I dont think thats the case here. its a case of different expectations and a need for communication.

And....if you had read her last response(s), you would see they DID talk and he was apologetic and while not perfect, there looks to be improvement. he does care about her, he just didnt realize things.

I'm now 28years and glad I got out of my previous relationship BEFORE, I married him. Another thing I relate too is the family issue...my family loved him, but his family hated me, just because of our different backgrounds....His family Lower Class, and mine Middle Class....Enough said. And I endured a lot of battles because of our differences....That was a very hurtful time in my life, for both me and my kids. But I don't regret any of it, because I'm wiser now about love AND life. And I'm now engaged to a wonderful man), who has been under my nose my entire life. Sometimes us women waist our time/YEARS trying to CREATE something great, when its been with us all along. I really wish you well in your marriage, and as much as I don't belive in divorcing, marriage shouldn't be misery, or pain, and if it is, and it doesn't change...it's not worth enduring. Regardless of what people say and think...May God bless you with wisdom and courage for YOU to make the right decision)

Sorry for the long posts, but I just wanted to clearify some typos so readers aren't confused:

1)In my first paragraph, I meant to say my parents and other longterm married couples will tell you...It don't work that way.

2)In my third paragraph, I meant to say...It's the brutle honest truth, but it's a common mistake MANY women make.

@ blue daisy...well if you read clearly...I'm NOT MARRIED, and never have been...I'm engaged now to someone else. So you don't have to feel sorry for me.... I never had a crappy marriage,LOL, and i'm not some bitter divorcee trying to rant and rave about the pain and misery of marriage.... I wasn't making the issue about me...I actually relate to some of the problems she was dealing with...like NOT communicating, and having issues with HIS family....I didn't go into detail about it, because IT'S NOT ABOUT ME! I was just trying to give her some honest advise from experience, when it seemed like everyone else was calling her TROLL, or not believing her story at all....So with this being said, I'm glad they are working things out...SORRY I MISSED THAT PART...DON'T SHOOT ME! However, just be careful that before you try to correct someone else, to make sure YOU are correct yourself. And I mean that with the upmost respect...take care)

@ SHOE: I'm really glad to hear things are better!) I wish you both well....