Daughter doesn't want stepfather at wedding

Nope, I wouldn't invite him. Good for you that you're happy now and I don't know your old relationship with your ex, but there is no excuse for cheating. You could've separated if you were unhappy and then went on to date your current husband, but you couldn't practice self control. Cheating takes two people so you are not solely at fault, but you are definitely at fault and you need to deal with the consequences of your actions. Think about it this way: on a day of happiness celebrating the eternal love of your daughter and her fiancé, you are trying to force her to stare down two people that destroyed everything that day is supposed to mean and quite possibly harmed her image of what a successful relationship should look like.

For what it's worth, if I were your daughter and you went so far as to say he has to be invited or your not going, I'd uninvite you on the spot.

@Jessica B. Maybe they should stop allowing her to live there rent free then and ask for the money spent on her wedding to be paid back to them. If her daughter thinks it's so incredibly terrible, she can stop mooching off the people that "destroyed everything the day is supposed to mean".

Maybe you and your ex husband can come together and communicate with one another. Apologize again to him for your wrongs and ask him if there is anyway you guys can be cordial for the sake of your daughter. Take time to speak to your daughter, it's time for her to understand the whole truth from her parents. Yes, things didn't work with her dad but circumstances happened and as her parents if she realizes that you guys are capable of forgiving one another, then maybe she will be able to forgive all parties involved including her step father. Our children can't learn from our mistakes if we sugar coat the truth.

To be blunt, I think you are being selfish here. I understand why you would want him there, but he will 1) probably not be welcome there 2) your daughter doesn't need anything else to worry about on a day that is full of stress. My MOH's parents are going through a really messy divorce, and it is really tearing her up and she's older. I can't imagine how your daughter felt when all of this happened.

I'm normally on the its her day so she gets her way bandwagon....but in this case the father and step father need to suck it up and grow up. They can be in the same room and not interact. Maybe sit them at different tables. You are married now and you two are one so he should be invited

You won't win this one, someone's feelings will get hurt.. and I think your daughter's feelings come 1st. Good luck with the decision.

So he's good enough for her to use him to provide a rent free roof over her head, but he's not good enough to invite to the wedding? She's being incredibly rude and disrespectful.

@jessica b this mother and step dad are giving her money for the wedding and letting her live with them and paying othet expenses. if she daughter really had an issie she shouldnt be accepting any of those things.

@ohheyitscait selfish is this girl taking from her mother and step dad and disrespecting both of them by even suggesting not inviting him.

I think she needs to invite him, BUT your husband needs to have the respect and class to decline the invitation under the circumstances.

I would respect her wishes. The last thing anyone wants is possible drama and tension

It's her day, please respect her wishes

This is EXACTLY the situation I am in. Literally the exact same. I have left it up to my mom and Dad to figure it out because I don't care whether my step dad is there or not but my dad doesn't want him there.

Like others, I think you should talk to her. Is it really because Dad is uncomfortable that she doesn't want him there or is it because she's uncomfortable and is still upset over what has happened? You should ask her, "If Dad didn't mind my husband going to the wedding, would he be invited?" If that's a yes, then I think you should encourage her to speak to her father about that, and if you can, you should speak to him as well. Remind him that it's about important people in her life coming together to celebrate her marriage, not about who deserves to be there or not.

I'd honestly not feel comfortable taking his money for the wedding, or living there rent free if I excluded him...

Elizabeth, then he reserves the right to no longer provide financial assistance for the wedding he's not allowed to, and he reserves the right to no longer allow her to live with them rent free.

@leila then she needs to respect her step dad if she isnt gonna invite him and stop taking his money and rent free lifestyle.

SnowQueen, it's not going to matter how many times we say that. Lol

@hisbeauty hahaha yeah i know. people seem to miss those little details.

"Elizabeth, then he reserves the right to no longer provide financial assistance for the wedding he's not allowed to, and he reserves the right to no longer allow her to live with them rent free."

That's certainly his right. Who said it wasn't? Literally, no one in this thread said he should continue to pay. It's his right to say no. He hasn't done it.

SnowQueen, no one missed anything. It's possible to have all the information you do and still disagree with your take on it.

Exactly!! @Elizabeth