Daughter doesn't want stepfather at wedding

Its your daughter day and whatever makes her happy question is she paying for the wedding without any help from you are the stepfather and does she live with you rent free and is you x married these are all question that needed to be answer

She has to invite him. This is her mother's husband. She can't just pretend he doesn't exist.

You are completely within your rights to tell her that she can choose whether you both attend or neither of you attends, but you will not allow her to disrespect your relationship with your husband, the man you have vowed to walk through life with.

And give yourself a break on the cheating. Life is messy. Would she be any happier if you had divorced her dad before Mr. New Husband's peen touched you? Your ex can be mad at you for how things ended, but it was never your daughter's relationship and it is not her place to judge.

That's a really tough one. But I can understand where she's coming from, especially if she's really close to her father.

Honestly, I would just have the stepfather not come... Especially since it sounds like this might cause a lot of drama during the wedding.

She helps only a bit with groceries and I've been helping her with expenses as have the other parents involved.

I would have been in th same situation as your daughter had my step dad not passed away last year. My dad and step father were never in the same room either. However I respected my mother enough to NEVER exclude him from anything.

I would have been fine with it, my dad would have been fine with him attending my wedding. It would be horribly selfish and disrespectful of me to not acknowledge the marriage. The fact that she lives with you both and that she doesn't even acknowledge him is immature and disrespectful.

She needs to let him attend the wedding. You are her mother, a VIP, and you deserve to bring whatever plus one you'd like.

If she has no relationship with him despite living in your house, I have to wonder why and whether there's more to this story that you're not sharing.

Ultimately, though, it's her wedding. If you're not contributing financially, you get no say on who she can or should invite. Should she? Yeah. She's living in your/his house. Does she "have to"? No. No one has to do anything they don't want to. Especially since, as I said before, I feel like there's more to this story that either you don't know or you're not telling.

Robin- That was really hard to understand with absolutely NO punctuation.

How old is she?

She absolutely has to invite him. He's your husband. It doesn't matter if you're paying or not, couples are invited as social units.

I am on the both or neither side. whatever your flaws he is your husband. i assume she is an adult now in some way and you shouldnt let her disrespect your husband that way. i would sit down and talk to her. have a heart to heart. also if you or him have given any money you have some say.

She is 22. And honestly, they are both just quiet people who don't talk much. She will still go out to dinner with us, etc. They have just never been chatty, they are quiet with each other

OG Kathryn - yeah. It's also annoying.

OP - I m sorry, but your daughter sounds disrespectful and very immature.

End of story.

Also if she stands this ground of him not being invited, if i were you, there would be an issue with living with me and mt husband. yes the get out talk would happen. respect is mutual and would not allow the disrespect period. i think with only a little info that you need to defend your husband and not just with the wedding.

Your daughter needs to be an adult. Neither she nor her father need to be best friends with your husband, but both need to behave cordially and respectfully.

Your husband 100% should be invited and it's incredibly immature for your daughter to expect otherwise.

I'm torn with this one. Etiquette wise, yes she should invite him as you are a social unit. However, to be completely honest out of respect for my father I would not want to invite him. Also, just because she "should" according etiquette doesn't mean she will. How is your relationship with your daughter? How do you think she would respond if you shared your feelings? Would she listen and respect what you had to say or would it be a huge conflict, and is that conflict worth it? It might be, especially if you feel your marriage is being disrespected and it is important for you to say something regardless of the outcome. But it also may not be worth it, only you can answer that for yourself.

@asta tou never know but i wouldnt wait til the wedding if she stood her ground with him not invited. no one living in my home who i am not required by law to care for will disrespect my husband.

Asta, the hell does that mean?? I'm living with my father currently and will for a few months after the wedding.

Yeah, you know, after reading your follow ups... I'm inclined to believe that she's being bratty. She's living with you/him, you guys (since a married couples finances are usually linked) are supporting her, you "go out to dinner" which, no doubt you pay for.... I say she has to invite him.

I think the only thing is if she builds a relationship with him down the road, she would regret him not being present on the day of her wedding - but ultimately, her comfort is what's important.

I think this would come more into perspective if she actually discussed this with her step-father. Would she feel as comfortable saying "I don't want you there" if she had to deliver the message herself instead of using her mom as her voice? I'm curious - because that could set in the reality that she is telling her mom's husband he must sit out such a monumental moment in her family's lives.

I wonder if this truly comes down to her father's comfortability. How much influence does your ex-husband have on your daughter? She may be concerned he will be miserable the entire time having to interact with your new husband.