Daughter doesn't want stepfather at wedding

AD2AP, considering he’s contributing to the wedding financially, and pays her bills while she lives with him...that alone should mean he gets an invite. So his money is good enough to take, but his presence isn’t welcomed?

You and your husband are a social unit . He should be invited. In my personal opinion I feel that if she can not be mature enough to invite her stepfather to the wedding, then she is not mature enough to get married . I dislike my sisters husband , but he is invited to my wedding . Just like my sister would be hurt if I didn't invite her spouse , I would be upset if the same happened to me . Sometimes you have to put your differences aside for the sake of others .

@AD2AP, I believe a number of responses specifically mentioned something along the lines of "as long as he didn't abuse her..." Abusive situations are pretty much the only exception to the rule that partners must be invited, and that is widely acknowledged.

I have a dad who is (supposedly) getting married before my wedding. I do not have a high opinion of the woman he is engaged to. She has put a strain on the relationship I have with my own father. At this point, I would rather not have her at my wedding and would be perfectly content if my dad actually and finally decided to admit that he wants nothing to do with my wedding, as it will make it easier for me to move on.

Still, that's currently not on the table. And despite my dislike of my dad's fiance and my dad himself, at the moment they are still on my guest list. I know courtesy and etiquette requires one to respect the relationship, which is why they are invited. To make matters easier for me, I've personally decided not to invest too much with my dad unless he decides we wants an active part in my life.

She should still invite your husband. On your husband's part, he can choose to accept or decline the invitation. If I were him, I would think twice about accepting an invite to an event where I'm clearly not wanted at. Given the nature of their current relationship, I don't think her dislike of him would come as any sort of surprise, so I wouldn't really worry about hurting his feelings.

If your daughter lives with you and your husband and isn't inviting him to the wedding, that's awful. She needs to extend the invitation. You, your husband and ex-husband are all adults and can function in a social event together.

I do not understand how it would be OK to not invite him. Please don't allow her to disrespect your husband that way to avoid adults from feeling 'awkward'. It is actually extremely hurtful and all involved need to get over the past. Grown people need to put on big britches.

I'm very grateful for all the responses. You have all given me a good deal to think about and I think I am going to try to talk to her more about it and possibly to her father. I do see both sides myself and don't want to hurt anyone.

Keep us updated. Good Luck.

We have a fractured family, for lack of a better name for it. We have all promised that we will pull up our big girl and big boy panties to make sure our daughter's wedding is full of love and void of any drama for the few hours we will all be together on her big day. I wish more families were able to do this. I don't think a step-father should just be denied his place at his step-daughter's wedding unless there is something more going on that would justify his absence. I say he needs to be invited.

Yeah, props to OP for handling this thread like a champ. I just re-read everything and I've kind of changed my opinion. Not on my thoughts previously expressed, but I want to make one thing clear. I said your daughter most likely feels betrayed NOW. However, I guess I somehow skimmed over the fact that she lives in y'alls home RENT FREE. Yeah, he better be freaking invited. She's obviously not that upset.

Based on the premise alone that you two are a social unit? She has to invite him.

But she also lives under your roof? Hell no, how disrespectful for her to even suggest not including your husband.

IMO, she should invite you and your husband. You're a package deal. It's rude of her to say you need to come to my wedding and support my marriage, but I don't care about yours.

Her dad's feelings are irrelevant here. Is it shitty you cheated? Sure. But seriously, it happens.

Agreed with PPs about not pushing "stepdad". I'd refer to him as your husband, not her stepdad.

ETA: grammar

I hate seeing so many saying "she has to invite him" .... this bride does not HAVE to do anything. Tradition or proper etiquette or not if this woman does not want someone at HER wedding she is not required to invite them.

She obviously has a grudge against this man or maybe she just doesn't like him. You said they've never had a relationship and this would be the first event both men would be present at... also seems your ex still holds a grudge as well so pushing her to invite him is asking for drama and possibly ruin what should be one of the happiest days of her life.

Putting myself in her situation, as much as I disliked the man, as long as he was never abusive to her or you then he gets invited.

I am sorry, but you put your discretions before your family and have a daughter that is filled with resentment and blame. You have gotten over it and moved on to the life you wanted, but she hasn't.

A wedding invite is probably the tip of the iceberg when it comes to her issues with you and your husband.

This is her wedding and if she doesn't want him there, then that is that.

To play devil's advocate:

To her....he is not your husband, he is the jerk that slept with her mother and tore apart her family and had no respect for marriage when he broke one up...why would she want him at the celebration to the start of her marriage?

In a perfect world she would get over it and invite him, but that is not what this is.

I would respect her decision as there is a lot more here than just an invitation.

My dad cheated on my mom and he's married to the woman now.

I can completely understand your daughters POV. If I had a relationship with my dad and he was invited to my wedding, his wife is not welcome. She ruined my childhood (I'm not saying that your situation is the same, but mine was messed up because of him and her). But in that note, my dad is not welcome either.

I also understand your POV though. But I truly think that you should respect your daughter and not bring your husband. Maybe as time prevails and the wedding gets closer, your daughter will start to come around. But as a daughter with a similar situation, I don't blame your daughter.

He needs to come, he is your husband. He can be in the background and not play a role but he should be there.

I guess I just find it hard to believe she's completely ok living with you both rent free, eating the dinners out that he pays for, he's paying for some of the wedding, but she's suddenly not ok with him invited??

Again, his money is fine, but his presence isn't???

If she's happy to live with him obviously she doesn't have a big enough issue to not invite him.

Yes it might make her Dad uncomfortable but even without him there it will still be an uncomfortable situation. Your husband is a part of her life and it would be rude to him and you not to invite him.

Talk to your daughter and let her know how you feel.

You are the one who took the vow to her father and broke that vow. She has obviously forgiven you. I understand that things might be awkward, but the adults need to suck it up and your husband needs to be invited. Is there a way to arrange a dinner for everyone so the initial awkward feelings are dealt with. Rarely are things as bad as you anticipate.