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Champion June 2019

Consumption bar with a cap

Gen, on June 21, 2018 at 9:40 AM

So getting an “open bar” at our venue is extremely excessive ($20 per person PER HOUR) so there is no way we are paying that amount because we won’t get our money’s worth at all.
Our venue organizer recommended doing a consumption bar, so our guests don’t have to pay anything, and FH and I will (at the end) just pay per drink that was ordered. My only concern is, each drink is $10 (venue is definitely overcharging, but it is what it is) and we are having 100 guests, so if everyone has 2 drinks, that already comes out to $2000, not even including tax and tip! Our planner then recommended that we do a “consumption bar with a cap” so when and if the bar tab hits $2000, it becomes a cash bar.
We are having a lunchtime reception and many of our guests are not drinkers at all, but we do have a decent amount of people who do drink, and probably a few who will drink heavily. But i can’t be sure of this... it is possible we won’t even come close to the $2000 limit, but it’s also possible that one of FH’s old fraternity brothers will have 10 drinks before the cap is hit, and then my great uncle will want a drink later and will have to pay for it himself since the cap has been hit, which doesn’t seem fair at all!

So my question is this... is there an eloquent way to ask people (I was thinking maybe a sign, or even just saying something) politely to please have 2 drinks on us, but that if they want more than 2 to pay for it themselves so that it’s fair to the other guests? I don’t know how to do this without seeming stingy...

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132 Comments

Champion June 2019
Gen · on June 21, 2018 at 1:12 PM
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I get that but also it’s not like we’re making everyone pay for all the drinks, we are still paying for $2,000 worth of it. The reason I want to notify people of the limit is so that some people don’t get 10 free drinks and others have to pay for all of them.
VIP November 2018
starsinwaves · on June 21, 2018 at 1:12 PM
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Honestly, this is what I would do.
OP, you chose a venue with insanely high drink prices, and now you're trying to pass that cost onto your guests. If you had a low budget, you should have looked for a venue that would allow you to bring your own, or that charged less for open bar. Our venue is not cheap ($127pp total, plus service and tax), but the full open bar is $50pp for five hours. I'm from NYC, I'm used to high alcohol prices, but I would be extremely turned off if I had to pay $9 for a beer at a wedding.
If you found out your venue charged $100pp for their meal, would you tell your guests that you'll cover their appetizer, but they have to pay for their own main course? I'd certainly hope not. You shouldn't do this with alcohol either.
Champion June 2019
Gen · on June 21, 2018 at 1:13 PM
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I don’t see the reception as a thank you for attending, I see it as a “celebrate our marriage with us“
Champion June 2019
Gen · on June 21, 2018 at 1:17 PM
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We actually already cut out appetizers because we can’t afford it. We are doing an hour of hors d’oerves and an entree, and limited drinks. It’s a lunchtime reception, and our guests know we just graduated college and don’t have much money. I hope they will be glad just to be invited and to celebrate with us.

Unfortunately not all of us have the luxury of dropping tons of money on our wedding, but I think cutting things like “unlimited drinks” is better than cutting out the people you actually care about being there. We can put a cap on our bar and that will offend people, or we can cut our guest list and THAT will also offend people. There’s no way to please everyone when you have a limited budget. I hope my guests will respect our priorities. Again all this post was asking was how to articulate this to them.
VIP January 2019
Daria · on June 21, 2018 at 1:22 PM
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All of these things would have been enough to make me search out a new venue. If I couldn't afford to feed and liquor up my guests properly at this venue, I couldn't afford to have my wedding there. Sorry, it's a dealbreaker. My venue is $18-$20 pp for open bar for the entire event.
Expert December 2021
Shaunte · on June 21, 2018 at 1:23 PM
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This is what we did. Our venue provides the bartenders, mixers/set-ups/garnishes, and non-alcoholic drinks and we're supplying the alcohol.
VIP December 2018
Casey · on June 21, 2018 at 1:25 PM
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That's a great deal that they provide the mixers/garnishes/set-ups and whatnots! That's honestly the part that stresses me out the most like "Will I have enough limes!?!" Haha.
Champion June 2019
Gen · on June 21, 2018 at 1:26 PM
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Ok but like plenty of people do cash bars to begin with so idk why us paying for the first 2k is such an issue
Expert December 2021
Shaunte · on June 21, 2018 at 1:28 PM
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Every function I've been to with an open bar until a certain time or until the tab was over has been like this.
Devoted August 2018
Erika · on June 21, 2018 at 1:29 PM
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It varies by area. I personally know that the NYC, NJ, and DC area, open bar is the "norm", but as many of other poster's have said, cash bars are the norm in other areas. If this is the "norm" in your area, I don't think you will face many issues with your guests. Just make sure everyone is aware so they can bring money.
Champion June 2019
Gen · on June 21, 2018 at 1:29 PM
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Also as I’ve said before I didn’t make this post to debate my decisions about the wedding that have already been made. We chose our venue because we needed a place nearby and my grandpa can’t travel. And myself, my mom, and my brother all have severe food allergies and this is the only venue we could find in the area that could accommodate us. Idk what other people’s priorities are but personally it’s more important to me that my grandpa be able to come, and that me, my mom and brother are able to eat than for people to have to pay for their 3rd+ drinks.
VIP November 2018
starsinwaves · on June 21, 2018 at 1:29 PM
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Deleting my comment cause there's no point.
My advice would be to save as much as you can in the next year to host your guests properly.
Champion June 2019
Gen · on June 21, 2018 at 1:30 PM
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As I said, we chose our venue because we needed a place nearby and my grandpa can’t travel. And myself, my mom, and my brother all have severe food allergies and this is the only venue we could find in the area that could accommodate us. Idk what other people’s priorities are but personally it’s more important to me that my grandpa be able to come, and that me, my mom and brother are able to eat than for people to have to pay for their 3rd+ drinks.
Champion June 2019
Gen · on June 21, 2018 at 1:31 PM
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I did pick my venue and it works based on my priorities. Alcohol is not a priority to me nor is it to the majority of my guests, especially IN THE AFTERNOON
Champion June 2019
Gen · on June 21, 2018 at 1:33 PM
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My priorities involve not spending more than 15k on one day. If my guests feel as if I should be spending more than this then they don’t have to come
Devoted March 2019
AF412 · on June 21, 2018 at 1:37 PM
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It makes zero difference that its in the afternoon. This is not a cake and punch thing. You're hosting a full meal and 4 hour reception. Time is irrelevant.
Master August 2019
Tpatb · on June 21, 2018 at 1:42 PM
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I’m not sure if I missed this. Due to the complexity of your issue..was there something wrong with the idea of cutting down the time for the bar?
Champion June 2019
Gen · on June 21, 2018 at 1:44 PM
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I think cutting the time down would just make people drink a huge amount during the time the bar is open which could result in us paying an insane amount of money which we want to avoid. The point of doing a $ limit is so we know that we actually have the money to afford it. We can’t set aside more than 2k for alcohol. That’s the absolute most we can afford, so I don’t want to do anything to risk the bill being higher than what we can afford
Master September 2018
Munchkin9218 · on June 21, 2018 at 1:52 PM
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Asking your guests to subsidize costs by asking them to open your wallet so you can only pay for an hour or two of drinks, so you can invite more people than you can afford to host IS poorly hosting.
Also I'm not entitled I'm realistic. You host a reception to thank your guests for attending he wedding ceremony. It's impolite to ask someone out to host someone and then push the cost of the event off on them.

A wedding is not a right, you CHOOSE to host a fancy party and their are certain responsibilites that come along with it. Your guests are getting dressed, potentially taking time off work, buying you a gift, taking time out of their day, traveling potentially - all to celebrate with you - the LEAST you can do is pay for their drinks and food and show them a good time.

Master August 2019
Tpatb · on June 21, 2018 at 1:55 PM
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I wasn’t suggesting that you go over your limit.