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Gen
Champion June 2019

Consumption bar with a cap

Gen, on June 21, 2018 at 9:40 AM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 132

So getting an “open bar” at our venue is extremely excessive ($20 per person PER HOUR) so there is no way we are paying that amount because we won’t get our money’s worth at all. Our venue organizer recommended doing a consumption bar, so our guests don’t have to pay anything, and FH and I will (at...
So getting an “open bar” at our venue is extremely excessive ($20 per person PER HOUR) so there is no way we are paying that amount because we won’t get our money’s worth at all.
Our venue organizer recommended doing a consumption bar, so our guests don’t have to pay anything, and FH and I will (at the end) just pay per drink that was ordered. My only concern is, each drink is $10 (venue is definitely overcharging, but it is what it is) and we are having 100 guests, so if everyone has 2 drinks, that already comes out to $2000, not even including tax and tip! Our planner then recommended that we do a “consumption bar with a cap” so when and if the bar tab hits $2000, it becomes a cash bar.
We are having a lunchtime reception and many of our guests are not drinkers at all, but we do have a decent amount of people who do drink, and probably a few who will drink heavily. But i can’t be sure of this... it is possible we won’t even come close to the $2000 limit, but it’s also possible that one of FH’s old fraternity brothers will have 10 drinks before the cap is hit, and then my great uncle will want a drink later and will have to pay for it himself since the cap has been hit, which doesn’t seem fair at all!

So my question is this... is there an eloquent way to ask people (I was thinking maybe a sign, or even just saying something) politely to please have 2 drinks on us, but that if they want more than 2 to pay for it themselves so that it’s fair to the other guests? I don’t know how to do this without seeming stingy...

132 Comments

  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    Or instead of having to end my wedding early then people could just pay for their own drinks in that last hour.
    If someone has a problem with that they can leave an hour early
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    You asked if there was an eloquent way to tell your guests that they will need to pay for their own drinks at your event. I’m sorry that you’re not happy with the answers that you’re receiving.
  • AF412
    Devoted March 2019
    AF412 ·
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    It would depend on when the cap was reached. If after the first hour I have to pay $10 a drink, yes I'd leave. For me & hubby to each have 1 drink and hour we'd be looking at another $80.
  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    Yes I did, and then the answer would have been “no, there is no eloquent way to tell them this” not debating whether or not we have the money to pay for more than $2,000 worth of alcohol.
  • Casey
    VIP December 2018
    Casey ·
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    I agree. This is why I was meticulous in finding out the bar situation while browsing venues. I'm not paying 7K for alcohol, so I went with a venue that allowed us to stock the bar and they provide a licensed bartender. So, to all lurkers: When looking at all-inclusive venues, make sure you get all their info about bar pricing!

  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    Yes well if we did not put a cap and everyone had 1 drink per hour that would come out to $5,000 for us, which is money that we don’t have.

    If people really have a problem with paying after we cover the first 2k, they don’t have to drink anymore. I should hope no one is so dependent on alcohol that they NEED one drink per hour but also can’t pay for it
  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    Honestly wow if my guests gave me as much crap about this as people on here are, I’d just make it a cash bar the entire time. You’re invited to someone’s WEDDING! They’re not obligated to pay for your every desire! If you don’t like their limits, don’t go! It’s not about ALCOHOL it’s about celebrating the marriage!
  • Lysa
    Dedicated October 2018
    Lysa ·
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    I am going to a wedding this weekend with a cap like you're doing. I believe the way I found out was word of mouth. I am friends with the groom's best friend and she let me know it would be mostly open bar but once they hit their cap it would be cash bar (I'm not sure what the cap they set is). I wasn't upset or offended to find this out. I won't be leaving early or making negative comments if I have to buy a drink or two and it will not effect the amount I gift them. It was a nice heads up so that I can make sure to bring my purse with card/cash as sometimes I'd use a different purse for a wedding and only bring my ID. Maybe just let a few people know what the situation is and they'll likely mention it to others. I wouldn't stress too much, it's your closest friends and family there to celebrate with you and they should be understanding.

  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    Thank you! I appreciate this. And good to know that you attended an event with the same situation and it wasn’t a situation that warranted upset
  • C
    Super August 2017
    C ·
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    I won’t state my opinion on this general idea since you’ve already heard it 100 times.

    Personally, I feel that cash bars are much more rude than dry weddings. I would suggest a glass of champagne on the tables at each guests place and leave it at that. No cap, no cash bar.
  • Little Star
    Expert April 2019
    Little Star ·
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    I think you could probably say something like, “Due to budget constraints we will be offering a limited open bar with a prepaid tab. Once the tab is reached, additional beverages will be available for purchase.”

  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    Oh believe me paying for 1 glass of champagne per person would be a dream to my budget hahaha. But I also feel like it would be annoying for people to be denied the option to buy their own alcohol? Like if someone is unhappy with paying for it themselves and would prefer for it to be a dry wedding, then they can just... not drink.

    That is an interesting idea about the champagne though. I’ll think about this.

    I also appreciate you not repeating the same thing for the hundredth time lol
  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    YES this is exactly the type of thing I was looking for when I made this post! That’s a very good way to phrase it, thank you Smiley smile
  • C
    Super August 2017
    C ·
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    You’ll get both sides. Some people will be annoyed they have to pay for their own drinks. Some will be annoyed they can’t even buy drinks.

    Heres how how I think of it- if I am invited to your home for dinner and you offered me tea, soda, water I would pick one and drink it. But if you said you can have wine or beer but it’s $10 a glass I’d be pissed.
  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
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    I’ve been to a wedding like this before and I believe I was told by word of mouth. Most people got really drunk very quickly at this wedding though trying to drink before the free ones ran out.
  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    If they also had 99 other people over, I would not be pissed at that. Also it’s common courtesy to bring a bottle of wine if someone has you over for dinner I thought
  • Erika
    Devoted August 2018
    Erika ·
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    This. People are just going to be getting wasted up front, while the free drinks last

  • C
    Super August 2017
    C ·
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    But that was also their choice to invite 100 people. That is your opinion and I am giving you mine that is no doubt shared by others. Possibly some that are invited to your wedding.
  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    Yeah well I’m hoping people won’t do this and leave my older relatives stuck paying for all their own drinks! This seems like taking advantage and like THEM being really cheap and disrespectful...
    Thats why we wanted to also incorporate a “please have 2 drinks on us” into it. Which of course there’s no way to enforce that but I was hoping most people would respect us and the other guests enough to only have 2 on us, and pay for the rest themselves. If everyone actually abides by this, there will be no need to rush to get the free drinks since everyone should get 2
  • E&M
    Master July 2016
    E&M ·
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    The reception is to thank your guests for attending which is why so many people are saying you shouldn't make your guests pay for anything at the reception.
    But since you've already made up your mind then do what PorcelainIvorySteel suggested.
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