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Champion June 2019

Consumption bar with a cap

Gen, on June 21, 2018 at 9:40 AM

So getting an “open bar” at our venue is extremely excessive ($20 per person PER HOUR) so there is no way we are paying that amount because we won’t get our money’s worth at all.
Our venue organizer recommended doing a consumption bar, so our guests don’t have to pay anything, and FH and I will (at the end) just pay per drink that was ordered. My only concern is, each drink is $10 (venue is definitely overcharging, but it is what it is) and we are having 100 guests, so if everyone has 2 drinks, that already comes out to $2000, not even including tax and tip! Our planner then recommended that we do a “consumption bar with a cap” so when and if the bar tab hits $2000, it becomes a cash bar.
We are having a lunchtime reception and many of our guests are not drinkers at all, but we do have a decent amount of people who do drink, and probably a few who will drink heavily. But i can’t be sure of this... it is possible we won’t even come close to the $2000 limit, but it’s also possible that one of FH’s old fraternity brothers will have 10 drinks before the cap is hit, and then my great uncle will want a drink later and will have to pay for it himself since the cap has been hit, which doesn’t seem fair at all!

So my question is this... is there an eloquent way to ask people (I was thinking maybe a sign, or even just saying something) politely to please have 2 drinks on us, but that if they want more than 2 to pay for it themselves so that it’s fair to the other guests? I don’t know how to do this without seeming stingy...

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132 Comments

Master September 2018
Munchkin9218 · on June 21, 2018 at 10:06 AM
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Yeahhhh you can't do that either. It's not fair to EITHER group to ask them to limit themselves. And you're right that its NOT fair to your guests either. But the only way to fix the problem is to adjust your budget so that it is fair to EVERYONE.

All guests deserve to be able to have as many drinks as they desire at the event you are hosting. If someone came to your house you wouldn't tell them "Well you only get one glass of wine because we forgot to buy more". No you run out to the liquor store when it looks like you're running low.

Did you speak to the venue about their bar options and pricing before you booked with them? This is something that should have been discussed before signing so you could make sure you could afford what is fair to all guests
Master September 2018
Munchkin9218 · on June 21, 2018 at 10:06 AM
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People get drunk at brunch all the time. The afternoon has nothing to do with if people want to drink and celebrate - especially for an event like a wedding. My family and I started drinking in the pool on fathers day at 11:30 just because we we're all together and it was nice out and we we're BBqing!
Master October 2018
Amanda · on June 21, 2018 at 10:11 AM
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Id make the cap higher .. like one person may have 3 drinks an hour .. one may have 1 hr .. cash bars are always a no in my area
Dedicated October 2018
Maya · on June 21, 2018 at 10:12 AM
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The best advice I saw on wedding wire about this same question was to give each adult 21 and older 2 tickets you can personalize them and say "Your first drinks are on us" Then at the bar have a basic drink menu with prices. Its really not that difficult and you definitely don't need an open bar for a brunch wedding. You know your guests the best so if you believe a good majority will not drink at all then trust your instinct. It's not the end of the world and people will still appreciate it. Don't go over budget for an open bar and if you're worried about guests not getting a fair chance use the ticket method.
Champion June 2019
Gen · on June 21, 2018 at 10:12 AM
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Yes we discussed it with the vendor and decided (per their recommendation) to do a $2000 capped consumption bar.

Honestly I hope none of my guests think like this, that we should be not only paying for a wedding and for 2K worth of alcohol, but to accommodate ALL of the drinks they could possibly want? We are just out of college, paying for this wedding on our own and with some help from my grandpa who is a teacher. Our guests know this, and if they’re offended that we can’t pay for them to get drunk at brunch then I hope those people don’t come to my wedding
Champion June 2019
Gen · on June 21, 2018 at 10:13 AM
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I was thinking that actually! Our vendor said that would seem tacky though. Idk, but I did think of this and I do like the idea in theory!
Expert April 2019
Little Star · on June 21, 2018 at 10:13 AM
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This does sound like a tricky situation...and wow, so expensive! Can you offer a limited menu of only mixed drinks since they are cheaper? Also, when are you getting married? Is it possible to cut your guest list? It will be easier to host less people.

I’m doing something similar. We’ll be offering a limited open bar (a few beers, a red & white wine, and a signature drink or two) and our venue had a bar minimum which we will be taking care of. There will be 70 people invited but only about 55 will be drinking, so that made it a lot more manageable.
Expert October 2018
Alexandra · on June 21, 2018 at 10:14 AM
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Genevieve, you’re not going to get any sympathy from people on here regarding a cash bar or limited funds for alcohol. Pretty sure this is the hottest debate on here and people are dead set on YOU CANNOT DO A CASH BAR BECAUSE GOD FORBID PEOPLE PAY TO GET WASTED.

I, however, think the plan your coordinator cane up with is a good one. Do the $2000 cap with an open bar. And as you said before, maybe just have your FH casually mention to those guests that you’re trying to make sure people get an even amount of drinks. Etc, etc.

you will be just fine doing it that way, and if people complain about that, then too bad for them. They are there to witness you getting married, not to get hammered.

Just my thoughts though! Don’t get sucked into thinking you have to spend 10k to have a great time with your guests.
Expert July 2018
Katie · on June 21, 2018 at 10:15 AM
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Please don't do drink tickets. Your vendor is right.

I remember you having drinks all figured out awhile ago with just wine and beer and it was included in your venue. What happened with that?
Champion June 2019
Gen · on June 21, 2018 at 10:17 AM
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I appreciate this a lot haha. Knowing the majority of my guests I really don’t think most people will have more than 2 drinks total! Except, as I said, for a select few. I’ll have FH just explain the situation to them beforehand... they are reasonable people who are also just out of college and understand that finances are tight, and they wouldn’t expect us to pay an extravagant amount for them to have unlimited drinks!
My main concern was that people would drink too much because they wouldn’t know that there was a limit. Like they’d assume the open bar was already paid for so it didn’t matter how much they had. But I think if we explain it beforehand they will understand and won’t care about paying for a few drinks on their own, if they want more than 2
Master September 2018
Munchkin9218 · on June 21, 2018 at 10:18 AM
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Again- you got some good advice - To do a limited bar with beer wine and one or two signature drinks/brunch style drinks - which you shot down or to raise your limit or to cut in other areas and do the open bar. It's RUDE to ask a guest at an event you are hosting to open their wallets at all. Also your vendor is right drink tickets are tacky- your wedding is not a raffle event.

The bottom line is if you could not provide open bar or budget he estimated amount needed for a consumption bar then you should have cut your guest list down to where you can host properly. It's not okay to send a message out saying 2 drinks per guest and then ask them to subsidize the cost of your reception bar. You can provide the cap and hope it doesn't run out, but you then need to accept that people may make comments privately or be annoyed at having to open their wallets - which is jsut the reality of the situation.
Master April 2017
Anne · on June 21, 2018 at 10:21 AM
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Just host beer and wine and not liquor. That's what we did. We had 220 guests and spent $10k on our booze bill, but our reception was really long. 100% worth every penny so that our guests didn't have to open their wallets at our wedding.

Also - you say that there's only a few people that will have more than 2 drinks, so having a consumption bar shouldn't add up to much more than $2,000.
90 guests * 2 drinks * $10 = $1800
10 guests * 6 drinks * $10 = $600
Total $2400. You should work it into your budget by cutting other things if necessary.
Champion June 2019
Gen · on June 21, 2018 at 10:23 AM
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I feel like i would rather have the heavy drinker friends be quietly annoyed for being asked in advance not to have more than 2 on us, rather than my great uncles having to pay for all of their own drinks.

Also, the advice to do a limited bar with only a select few drinks makes no difference because the venue charges the same amount for all mixed drinks, and mixed drinks are cheaper than wine and beer. But having 1 or 2 signature drinks makes no difference because those would be the same price as all other mixed drinks...?

And our wedding is about celebrating with the people close to us. So we should have fewer people there to celebrate in case some guests want to drink too much, and don’t want to pay themselves??? I’m sorry but like I said, I hope none of my guests think like that. I’m not cutting my guest list to accommodate for people drinking heavily at brunch, for us the guest list was more valuable than the open bar.
Master September 2018
Munchkin9218 · on June 21, 2018 at 10:24 AM
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I agree - the guest list was also more important to me. I valued hosting my very closest friends and family well over hosting a larger amount of people poorly. But that was the decision FH and I made when we decided to have a wedding - that we would rather only have the people we are closest to so we could host them as well as possible.
Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on June 21, 2018 at 10:36 AM
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While it’s unfortunate that your venue is overcharging for drinks, you are the one who chose the venue, not your guests. There’s no way to politely tell them that they will need to pay for their own drinks because of the venue that you chose.
Master April 2017
Anne · on June 21, 2018 at 10:38 AM
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This, exactly. I felt like it was my responsibility to cover drinks ESPECIALLY because I chose a venue which charged $8-12 per drink. I didn't want my guest's experience to be any less awesome due to my choices.
VIP March 2019
SB · on June 21, 2018 at 10:42 AM
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I think your idea of a capped consumption bar is great. Our venue is allowing us to bring in all of our own alcohol and we've decided that if it runs out, sorry, it's out! At least we provided for majority of the evening and no one had to open their wallets. Also, I don't see many people getting heavily intoxicated at an afternoon reception. There will be those few of course, but most won't and on top of that, you have people that won't even drink. I think that's a great idea.
Devoted October 2018
Mrs Robes · on June 21, 2018 at 10:48 AM
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So your situation is obviously not ideal but I feel like this is a know your crowd thing. In my area, cash bars are the norm. I don’t agree with them, and we are hosting the bar at our wedding, but I can tell you out of the 4 weddings I’ve been to in the last year, 1 was open bar. I think the capped bar is better than nothing, but it will probably add some confusion if/when you hit the cap. The only thing that might help your situation is that it is an early wedding.
Expert August 2018
Rozenbook · on June 21, 2018 at 10:52 AM
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The problem is it is $20 PP per hour.

Super May 2010
Officiallymrs · on June 21, 2018 at 10:59 AM
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I’m in the same situation.. our venue charges per person per hour for open bar and we are having around 200... we are doing an entire consumption bar