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Champion June 2019

Consumption bar with a cap

Gen, on June 21, 2018 at 9:40 AM

So getting an “open bar” at our venue is extremely excessive ($20 per person PER HOUR) so there is no way we are paying that amount because we won’t get our money’s worth at all.
Our venue organizer recommended doing a consumption bar, so our guests don’t have to pay anything, and FH and I will (at the end) just pay per drink that was ordered. My only concern is, each drink is $10 (venue is definitely overcharging, but it is what it is) and we are having 100 guests, so if everyone has 2 drinks, that already comes out to $2000, not even including tax and tip! Our planner then recommended that we do a “consumption bar with a cap” so when and if the bar tab hits $2000, it becomes a cash bar.
We are having a lunchtime reception and many of our guests are not drinkers at all, but we do have a decent amount of people who do drink, and probably a few who will drink heavily. But i can’t be sure of this... it is possible we won’t even come close to the $2000 limit, but it’s also possible that one of FH’s old fraternity brothers will have 10 drinks before the cap is hit, and then my great uncle will want a drink later and will have to pay for it himself since the cap has been hit, which doesn’t seem fair at all!

So my question is this... is there an eloquent way to ask people (I was thinking maybe a sign, or even just saying something) politely to please have 2 drinks on us, but that if they want more than 2 to pay for it themselves so that it’s fair to the other guests? I don’t know how to do this without seeming stingy...

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132 Comments

Champion June 2019
Gen · on June 21, 2018 at 1:58 PM
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No I know, I guess we could put a time on it too but that seems unnecessary because putting a $ limit will put it to an end anyway, why do you think the time is necessary too? I’m not disagreeing with you I’m just wondering why you think the time limit is better
Savvy September 2021
Jenny · on June 21, 2018 at 1:58 PM
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It’s $10. Big whoop. She doesn’t have to pay for people to get hammered. There is NOTHING wrong with having a cash bar. Absolutely NOTHING. if they don’t like it, they don’t have to drink. Period.
Champion June 2019
Gen · on June 21, 2018 at 2:00 PM
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THANK YOU. I’m not as concise, but all that is what I have been trying to say lol. It’s $10 for one person to pay for an extra drink for themselves, but $1,000 for us to pay for an extra drink for EVERYONE, so...
Champion June 2019
Gen · on June 21, 2018 at 2:01 PM
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As I’ve said a hundred times I was not asking for advice to debate my decision, I was asking for advice on how to notify people of the decision that has already been made. Had I asked for advice on whether or not we should have a cap on our bar, I would appreciate the advice, but I don’t know how you all think you’re helping me by accusing me of being rude about an issue that I didn’t ask for advice on.
Champion June 2019
Gen · on June 21, 2018 at 2:04 PM
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Can a moderator remove this post? These are not positive and supporting responses that I am getting, nor are they helpful, as the people who are accusing me of being rude are not even giving advice on the question that I actually asked
Master July 2016
E&M · on June 21, 2018 at 2:04 PM
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This!! So much this!!
VIP November 2018
starsinwaves · on June 21, 2018 at 2:06 PM
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You: "So my question is this... is there an eloquent way to ask people (I was thinking maybe a sign, or even just saying something) politely to please have 2 drinks on us, but that if they want more than 2 to pay for it themselves so that it’s fair to the other guests?"
Most of us: No, there is not.
You asked a yes/no question. We gave you our answers, and explained why. You just don't like the responses you're getting.
Master September 2018
Munchkin9218 · on June 21, 2018 at 2:06 PM
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I never said not to have a wedding - I said host the wedding you can AFFORD. If that means you parse the guest list down from 100 people to 50? Then you host the fifty people close to you. or you say hey theres is no way to do that lets take our immediate families out for dinner after a private ceremony - we aren't in a financial position to host a big fancy party and that's not a requirement to get married anyway. That is the responsible thing to do.

A wedding doesn't have to be a big party - especially if you aren't properly able to host the big fancy party. We tell brides all the time - host the wedding you can afford.
Champion June 2019
Gen · on June 21, 2018 at 2:07 PM
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The question was not over whether or not I should do it, it was how to phrase it when we tell people that that’s the deal. If you didn’t have a suggestion for THAT, you didn’t have to comment.
Champion June 2019
Gen · on June 21, 2018 at 2:08 PM
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Right so I should cut 50 people I care about so that the other 50 can get plastered on my dollar? No thank you. I can afford the wedding I want. The wedding I want involves 100 people and 2 drinks per. Good thing people don’t have to come if they don’t like that!
Champion June 2019
Gen · on June 21, 2018 at 2:09 PM
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And really with the number of people who have cash bars, you think ALL OF THEM are not “properly hosting”? Hopefully you won’t be invited to any cash bar events!
Devoted March 2019
AF412 · on June 21, 2018 at 2:11 PM
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I recommend a sign at the bar too with drink prices. So people know before ordering.
Savvy September 2021
Jenny · on June 21, 2018 at 2:13 PM
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If you have a wedding website, you can add a little note on there about the restrictions. Or just word of mouth.
Master May 2017
Mrs.Whooooo · on June 21, 2018 at 2:18 PM
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To answer your question- ask your venue what people have done before since this is something they suggest.

it sounds way too confusing for the staff and guests to me, but you didn’t ask that.

”please enjoy two drinks on us, any drinks after that will be on you. Please see list of prices below”
Master September 2018
Munchkin9218 · on June 21, 2018 at 2:21 PM
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Yes I do think that if you cannot afford to pay for your guests meal and drinks you are improperly hosting. I've been to a lot of weddings. And I'm hosting a wedding. I know what it costs on both ends of the spectrum and NEITHER is cheap.

My cousin got married - she invited everyone down to another state where she hosted a cash bar wedding and everyone talked about it. Never to her face because no one wanted to hurt her feelings. But I missed three days of work ( I was working a job where i didnt get PTO), bought a dress, paid for the gas and tolls to get there, a hotel room, a gift for the shower, a card for the wedding. I spent well over whatever they paid for my food and was then expected to open my wallet to pay for my own drinks? It's inconsiderate of the time and expense your guests are also spending to attend
Champion June 2019
Gen · on June 21, 2018 at 2:23 PM
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You don’t have to have more than 2 drinks if $10 is such a big deal.
Champion June 2019
Gen · on June 21, 2018 at 2:23 PM
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Thank you!
Champion November 2016
LB · on June 21, 2018 at 2:24 PM
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"We didn't budget properly so please bring cash or card to pay for your own drinks. Sorry, not sorry."
Master September 2018
Munchkin9218 · on June 21, 2018 at 2:25 PM
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I miss the like button. This will be exactly how your note sounds to guests.

Master June 2016
Sarah · on June 21, 2018 at 2:27 PM
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Good luck trying to keep your guests, especially heavier drinkers, to two drinks. Literally everyone I know gets two drinks at the beginning of cocktail hour and then goes back up before dinner begins. That’s three drinks in before the reception has even really begun.