Cash bar

Oh OP and White Knights...

The worst part about this to me is changing halfway through from hosted to cash.

1) if you make it known that there will be a switch, some people will load up on drinks before the limit is hit, get drunk quicker, and leave some people to not get anything because they waited to drink until later.

2) if you DON'T make it known there will be a switch, people will come up expecting a drink and be turned away if they don't have cash. That is an embarrassing situation to put your guests in and it leaves the guests confused and grumpy.

I just want to mention one thing regarding the cap because we thought about doing this. It's really easy for the heavier drinkers to blow through the amount you were willing to cover before your guest who wants one glass of wine with dinner makes it to the bar. We went with drink tickets instead so everyone started with an equal amount of drinks and then could pass on extras if they didn't use them. Drink tickets are also considered tacky by a lot of people so I'm not criticizing the idea of a cap, but just something to think about.

Also it's considered poor etiquette to mention gifts on invitations. Mention it on your website or not at all. People will get the idea if there is no registry.

@Kathy - Suggesting one crappy idea to replace another is not helpful.

Just do wine and beer. Stop trying to cheap out and confuse your guests. I don't drink ever, and even I can tell it's a cheapout.

Ha ha.....@heather, that's like saying, "I'd rather have my eyelashes pulled out one by one than have my fingernails pulled out one by one".

Neither is a good choice.

WAIT WAIT! I have the solution!!!!

REGISTER FOR WINE AND BEER!!!!!

Problem solved.

Perhaps you can do very scaled back beer and wine options that you host? As in you can provide: one type of red wine, one type of white wine, and two types of beers? I know some places offer Merlots, Cabs, Pinot noirs, etc etc and that certainly isn't necessary to offer all...

In addition to the other issues mentioned by everyone else, a cash bar will also slow things down significantly, such that paying and waiting for change will take people away from enjoying the wedding itself!

"I plan on having a cash bar for our reception....I read in an article that was rude....should I just pay for the bar....I don't really want to"

You asked. Literally, you asked. We answered. The article was correct. You don't really want to? Oh.

I "don't really want to" pay my DOC but I also "don't really want to" deal with anything on my wedding day except hugs and dancing.

I "don't really want to" pay for my dress, shoes, belt, hair accessories, and hair and makeup. But I "don't really want to" wear a dress I already own and shoes that don't have glitter on them.

I "don't really want to" pay for an officiant, but I "don't really want to" be unmarried at the end of the day.

I "don't really want to" pay thousands for a caterer when I MYSELF and my HUSBAND will only eat two portions of about 140. But I "don't really want to" sit in front of my entire family and eat while they stare at me.

I "don't really want to" pay thousands for a venue, a museum, when I could get in for $15 on any random weekday. But I "don't really want to" have my wedding in my mom's house.

I "don't really want to" pay for hors d'ourves at the cocktail hour, but you know what? That's what hosting is. It's providing for people. You open your literal or metaphorical home to people, and you serve them. The ceremony is about you, the reception is about your guests.

Know what I DO want? I want to have a big wedding. And so I am. And so when I budgeted, I budgeted for the wedding I'm having. I could 100% choose to not do any of those things. I could have a courthouse wedding and pay for my marriage certificate, which I think in my state is like $35, and then I'd be JUST as married. But instead, I made the CHOICE to go ahead and HOST people. When I CHOSE to HOST people, I CHOOSE certain things, like paying for all the things above. And I am CHOOSING, in hosting, to pay for them to have access to alcohol.

People will leave when the hosted bar ends, because end of the hosted bar is the end of your hosting. You are no longer hosting them, so they are free to go. Hence: "hosted bar."

At least do beer and wine. And I would have that be all that's served so it's not half open and half cash.

@shaybird you would honestly leave a wedding the instant they switched to a cash bar? I am in the minority here and don't think it's a crime to do a cash bar. It's your day and alcohol isn't cheap.

Ok well I don't actually think that cash bars are rude. Are they the most favorable option ? No. But if you can't afford an open bar ilthere are lots of options available to you. First off you never have to cut guests just so that you can afford alcohol. Most of my wedding are close family and I couldn't even imagine telling some people that they couldn't come because I needed more room in the budget for alcohol. It is not always feasible to cut people from your guest list. Let's explain to one uncle why he and his wife aren't invited but his brother and sister are. Alcohol is not more important than people. Some ideas as to how you can incorporate alcohol without having an open bar :

-ask your vendor if you can supply a couple of bothers of wine for each table

-only have beer and wine

Supply champagne for each table for the toast.

-provide beer wine and one signature drink.

-have an open bar for a limited time. you can either close the bar completely or have it cash bar afterwards. personally I would prefer to have the option of buying more drinks if I wanted to.

OR

dry wedding.

Alcohol is not water. You are not a bad hostess because you don't provide an open bar. You WOULD be a bad hostess if you didn't provide beverages such as water l, pop, juice etc.

I went to a wedding last year that was open bar for cocktail hour and cash after that. Most of the guests loaded up on drinks when they got wind. So people were way drunker than they would have been otherwise because of this arrangement. Please don't do this.

Last time i went to a wedding with a limited open bar, the second people got wind of it, you had folks going up to the bar to double fist drinks, trying to blow through them as fast as possible before the 'freebies' were exhausted and they had to pay. all before dinner and on empty stomachs. it was a fucking shit show.

just host open beer and wine the whole night, cut some other useless nonsense to pay for it (like favors, nobody gives a damn about favors - lets be real here), and let adults be adults. this isnt rocket science.

Matt B

That's fine that you disagree with me. First off, don't get rude with me. People drink pop, and juice was for younger kids, and water no matter where the hell they go. Those drinks are necessities. Alcohol is not. Don't get me wrong I love alcohol and it does make a party but it is not the be all end all ok. Also that is exactly what you are saying when you tell a person to cut their guest list because you can't afford to have an open bar. If all your having is family then who hell else are you cutting hm? And you know what the bride and groom do not ask people to bring them money and gifts those are decisions the guest make, not that they aren't appreciated but you all act like the bride and groom expect or tell people to bring them money. If that were the case then ok I would be pissed for not having alcohol but it's not. People are taking time out of their lives because they, hopefully, love the bride and groom and want to celebrate with them.

Natalie, how did you expect people to respond? You said yourself in your post that you already heard it was rude. We are just here telling you what you heard is correct. It's that simple. It's your wedding. Do what you want but you've come to the wrong place if you're looking for validation on how to not properly host your guests. I hope you reconsider.

> If all your having is family then who hell else are you cutting hm?

Unless you are only inviting immediate family (parents, siblings, grandparents) or are a member of the duggar family - then there are always places to cut. i have a HUGE family, but im sure as hell not inviting them all because i cant afford to do it and host people well. parents, grandparents, siblings, and aunts/uncles only. again... this isnt complicated stuff.

if i started inviting every cousin or great aunt, id have 200 people from my side alone. my cousins all understand because... hey, they're from the same enormous family as well and couldnt afford it for their weddings either. if you're only inviting immediate family and STILL cant afford to host wine and beer, then you have no business spending the money on a wedding to begin with.

@Alexandra when you host a dinner at your house do you say, "Here you go we made you dinner, here is some water but don't ask for the wine because I'll have to charge you for that?"

Just curious.

What other reason would I go to a wedding other than for free food, free booze and good time with family and friends!!!!

OP and the white knights having their Bush Jr moment.