Cash bar

I just want to respond to the decorum piece you just mentioned. I recently went to a cash bar wedding and people got way more intoxicated than I've ever seen at an open bar wedding.

A significant portion of guests came with flasks of liquor they were drinking straight. People were drinking their own alcohol in the parking lot. It was far less classy than having an experienced bartender maintain portion control. If people want to get sloshed, they will. At least with an open bar you know they aren't pounding a flask full of whiskey in 20 minutes.

Don't do a cash bar. At least beer and wine. Guests shouldn't have to pay for anything.

If it's not in your budget, then some of your guests need to get cut. It's that simple. Military or no, family history or now..you need to host properly, which means at least wine and beer.

"I don't want to pay for people to get toasted"...

Well, maybe they don't want to pay to come to your wedding, buy you a gift and then open their wallets for a drink . You can blame it on the military, on family history, on whatever you want, but what it boils down to is your own cheapness.

Do a limited bar and/or cut the guest list. Adults like a drink. Even military adults.

When I was planning, I read this and it has stuck with me...when you invite people over to your house for dinner, do you charge them for drinks? Made me think twice when I was planning and it made sense. I would try to do a limited bar of just beer and wine. A limited bar is better than no bar.

It's not that serious ladies....I know the ppl I work with and I know my family...just thought I would get a different opinion.....there's absolutely no reason why some of you would be so upset about a question or a thought that I had.....it's not the end of the world and at the end of the day, it boils down to as long as my family and friends are happy and I know they will be, cash bar or no cash bar, I'm good...have a nice night girls

If you are going to have a dry wedding make sure the guests are aware. Free alcohol is expected at weddings now-a-days.

@Celia, and in my experience, ESPECIALLY Military adults!

@caitiemac Yep. Marrying an Army guy, but went to a few firefighter weddings... MAN. Those guys could pound some booze like you would not believeeeee.

@Natalie it's not that they are leaving your wedding because of alcohol it's because they are there to celebrate with you at the event you are hosting and it's costing them money. You either need to cut your guest list or some other area or just simply do beer and wine.

You DO NOT have to pay for the bar. If it isn't in your budget, then it isn't in your budget. Me and my fiance are only paying for up to a certain dollar amount. Then it is a cash bar.

Properly hosting alcohol for your guests has nothing to do with them needing it to have a good time at your wedding. I can't stand when people use that excuse. As another comment mentioned, think of this similar to a dinner party you would throw at your home. You would not charge those guests for any alcohol they requested. A wedding is no different.

@maria I would find that incredibly confusing for the guests. How embarrassing would it be if they went to the bar because hey it was open bar earlier and got asked to pay only to realize they didn't bring cash? Properly host your guests.

If people are going to be there just for free booze, they are there for the wrong reason. Just saying

Let's not play the military card here, ok? I was active duty for 26 years and there is NO decorum in treating your guests poorly and hosting poorly. Your are trying to pull the military card to come up with an excuse here and it looks very very poor on you.

YOU host what will be made available. If you want alcohol there, you pay for ALL of what is offered, you don't switch midstream on your guests. You are trying to find an excuse to be cheap and host poorly.

don't want to pay for alcohol - have a dry wedding.

We're just doing beer and wine. It's saving us $7500 based on current adult headcount.

@Maria- people will be talking about your wedding for years. And not in a good way.

You should definitely find ways to at least cover beer and wine for the evening! That's a very cost effective solution, and your guests will be very happy! Cut out something else to make it happen and fit within your budget, maybe one less set of decor, skip favors, DIY your invites, stuff like that.

ETA - I never carry cash with me, especially to a wedding, so I would be very surprised. You don't want your guests to have that reaction!

Here is another thought - you could skip the poker chip favors you are thinking about and put that money towards the bar. Same for the candy buffet. Favors can be skipped just fine, but proper hosting can't.

Beer and wine and no guest should not have to pay for anything at your wedding. Think of it like this would you want to be invited to any party and have to pay for your drink? My brother wedding they did a cash bar I hated it and was super disappointed so open bar is the way to go Imo.

I never take cash to weddings, what if you have guests in this same position? People don't need alcohol to have a good time, it just adds to the celebratory atmosphere. And your guests are adults being served by a bartender. The bartender won't serve people underage and will know when to cut people off if they start to get out of hand. You can provide a limited bar of beer and wine, which would be a much more budget friendly option.

It amazes me that people use the excuse of not wanting their friends to get drunk on their dime to justify being cheap and poor hosts. Are your friends not adults who can act and drink responsibly?