Cash bar vs open bar

I've been to backyard weddings and weddings inside bars. I've been to guerrilla style weddings, and church weddings. I have been to MANY family-catered weddings. Never been to one with a cash bar. We are saving for 18 months So that we can provide delicious (Not "cheap") food, an open bar and a few hours of dancing for the 50 people closest to us, who have supported our relationship and will celebrate with us. I cannot imagine a world where I get to wear a dress worth more than a month's rent, and have my guests pay for their own drinks?? Unacceptable.

Haha!

You're going to get torn apart asking this question hah

DNA shaming!

This is the best post.

Cash bars are rude - and not a good way to host your guests.

To save money but be a good host, do an open bar of wine and beer only, and close the bar during dinner.

Ps, wine and beer only will also help your guests not get out of control. You could also do last call 30 mins before the end of the night.

Cash bars are the easiest way to tell your guests that their experience is not your top priority (and it should be for the reception). If you can't afford to properly host the number of guests you are inviting, invite less people. Simple.

@Caila, are you ok? I know this is a difficult thread. Just wanted to check on you to make sure you are alright.

I agree that cash bars are extremely rude. Think of it this way:

You would never have a dinner party at home and expect people to pay, or have a baby shower, or birthday party, and expect people to pay for their own drinks, would you?

I think not, so why people feel that a wedding is any different, is beyond me.

Not trying to be mean, but you should seriously lurk and read tons of other posts around here, before you post things that might be controversial. Otherwise, you are going to get LOTS of responses that you will NOT like.

@Calia I'm ignoring all of the rude and completely inappropriate comments on here. I'm not assuming you're new. I'm also not assuming you're a bad hostess. Etiquette along with traditions are regional whether these women with zero budget want to admit it or not. I've been to dry weddings, open bar weddings, partial tended weddings and BYOB weddings. I've never once come across the cattiness being displayed here either in the brides presence or behind her back. Perhaps I just don't keep that kind of company. As a guest-I don't expect the bride or her family to provide me with limitless top shelf booze. I'm celebrating the couples big day. I don't expect to be rewarded for my mere presence at the event. If I would like a like libation other than what was provided-I wouldn't think the host/hostess was horrible if I needed to shell out a few bucks to receive my preferred drink. Best of luck!!!!

Just because I couldn't post last week.

Yep, there is plenty wrong with cash bars, it's just that no one will tell you to your face. And no, your guests who have spent hundreds to be at your wedding will NOT understand.

But yes, definitely put it on your invites (tongue firmly in cheek).

here is my top eleven list of justifications.

Top Ten Bogus Reasons People Use to Justify Cash Bars

11: (a bonus) My family is diabetic. Every one of them. We wave cake at them like vampire repellent because they have no idea how to control their own health. And they will drink like fish if we let them.

10. None of my guests drink. Not one. I've polled all 120 of them and not one of them does

9. All of my guests drink too much; they will get sloppy, drunk and violent. It they are not throwing up into the crock pot weenies.

8. Kids will be in attendance. They might mistake Cosmos for Shirley Temples.

7. We're really really Christian, and our hyper Christianity requires us to not only not drink but to inflict our believe that this is HOLY by making our guests not drink. Because they should believe what we believe. Even though we can't explain it. Someone told us this and we think it's true. So if someone wants to drink, they should pay.

6. We don't like the taste of alcohol. So no one else should either

5. We are not going to pay for other people to enjoy themselves

4. My grandparents don't drink and they won't come if anyone in the surrounding area does. And if they do, they should pay.

3. We have to hire bartenders, security, armed forces and the national guard to serve alcohol.

2. People can have fun without alcohol. If they really loved us, they'd come regardless

1. We're cheap.

@Jessica-Why is it that when there is poor hosting, there you are giving the OP a boost? No, poor hosting is poor hosting. If you are making your guests subsidise part of your wedding, you are not hosting them properly.

Cut your bar to beer and wine. Cut your guest list. Host properly. Don't make your wedding the talk of the town for the wrong reasons.

"As a guest-I don't expect the bride or her family to provide me with limitless top shelf booze." *Where did ANYONE say it had to be top shelf? Even simple beer and wine work!

"Perhaps I just don't keep that kind of company."

*Um, yeah, with dry, partial tended and byob weddings, you surely do not.

Oh and etiquette is not regional. It's farking international.

While etiquette exists internationally it definitely changes, just as it does regionally. And I give the OP a boost-because you bring them down. I'm not sure why that was even a question. These woman can literally host any way they want. They are free to ask opinions. Opinions do not equate to insults.

Let's say I'm getting married in New York City. None of what I do is going to be following Etiquette. Why? Because what's comfortable and equitable to me is not up to New York City's comfortable and equitable guidelines. Why? Because I'm from rural West Virginia. And if you can't admit that difference you're just being stubborn. But say I get married in rural Pennsylvania. I'm following Etiquette perfectly. Getting married in Benin, Africa-not following Etiquette.

Oh boy lol

Also, Culture and Tradition =/= etiquette. Please darling, pick up a book, or even better, travel.

Jessica, I think if you have your wedding in New York, Virginia or Timbuktu, you host your guests.

Menus vary, even music and there are rituals and traditions that certain areas have.

But food, drink and a chair for every culo is your basic hosting etiquette.

So nowhere did you mention comfort or not paying for alcohol. The seat can be on the ground, pending customs. Doesn't have to be comfortable. Changes regionally. Hay bails. Church pews. Stick back chairs. Temperate conditions also change regionally. Really depends per guest what comfort is.

Exactly. Menus vary. It's pure opinion that cash bars are cheap, tacky, crass. Has nothing to do poor hosting or etiquette. It's Calia's choice. She asked for opinions and no one should be insulting anyone. That's what is rude, tacky and crass.

@Jessica-once more because you don't get it, IF YOU MAKE YOUR GUESTS SUBSIDISE ANY PART OF YOUR WEDDING, IT'S CRASS!