"By excluding our children, you have chosen to exclude us"...

As usual, Erin took the words right out of my mouth.

I just cannot believe she had the audacity to write that when she herself had an adults only wedding.

I think it really comes down to how close are you to your step-sister, and will this cause waves going forward. I do however think your answer back was very straightforward and polite. Good luck dear!

Venues can recommend child sitting services (bonded, trained in CPR, insured), if you decide to let them come to the ceremony and not the reception. But, I wouldn't want kids at a roof-top ceremony.

If I let her children attend, then ALL the nieces and nephews need to be there, and there are about 8 of them (my FH's family).

It's a rooftop lounge, not a traditional ballroom space. The menu consists of things (very gourmet) that children will not eat. Tapas style dining where a 6 course petite entrees will be served from 8 o clock on. Not a sit down dinner. Not a good idea for kids, unfortunately.

Let's take out the fact that its $200 per person with no child menu. We would simply prefer an intimate candle-lit adult affair. Our guest list is only 75 people.

Ashley makes a very good point. Obviously your siblings' babysitter can't accommodate everyone's kids, but for immediate family, I think it would be appropriate/other people would understand why they were allowed.

I am definitely on the fence on this one. I will start with the larger percentage of me... what a fucking asshole!!!! Seriously, who does that?!?!

Maybe not everyone is comfortable leaving their children with their grandparents, or favorite babysitter or nanny for 36 hours or whatever, but jesus christ to send that crazyyy letter?! I have left my son in the care of my parents 3x - each for a week - and my son has been out of town, out of state and out of the damn country with my parents multiple times over his 15 years. He has also been to camp, fishing trips, etc! He survived/we survived!!

BUT to be fair, that is my own personal comfort zone. That being said, they aren't babies... they are 9 and 11! AND perhaps if she had called and handled this maturely and stated how sad your only niece and nephew were that they couldn't see their Aunt get married, then maybe you would have changed or mind. Or maybe not. Idk. But that crazy ass letter sure as hell isn't the way to get you to change your mind.

All that being said, I would have probably invited my only niece and nephew as the "exceptions". My sister had to do this, there was literally no one to watch my child since my entire family was going to be at the wedding. And he is her only nephew and god child. So he was the 1 child present the entire night. And plenty of her in-laws have children, and not one was offended by this. BUT that is your choice, NOT mine, NOT anyone else's. And no one should EVERRR act this way because they don't agree with your choice.

People are nuts!

FYI-- your FH's siblings are probably as equally offended, they just chose not to express it. I hope your decision doesn't ruin your relationship with them in the years to come (as it most certainly has ruined your relationship with your step-sister).

That sounds so romantic!!! <3

That is a response that is crafted to make you feel guilty and bad. Don't let it. You don't owe anyone an apology. If you choose not to have children that is YOUR choice. She accepts it and either comes or not. You didn't do it to hurt her, and her kids, trust me, were not looking forward to coming.

Stay strong.

I agree that is NOT a child friendly venue at all. Maybe they will feel better since you've explained that to them. Still, by excluding children from your venue you should expect many of their parents will simply not be able to attend. But it's a price to pay for what I expect will be an AMAZING and beautiful rooftop reception. How elegant.

Your step sister is being a bitch, pain and simple. I wouldn't even dignify her letter with a response. That's one less hassle you have to worry about at your wedding.

Psh. The children that will be there are IN the wedding. They have a function. Stick to your guns and don't let her manipulate you into feeling guilty. Most people don't lose their minds over being without their children, or finding a sitter. Seriously? My parents went to Mexico for a romantic wedding while my brother and I, approximately 10 and 7 had a blast spending the weekend with the neighbors. This isn't even your problem. OP, your response was lovely and well-crafted...and much more polite than I would have been. Well done.

PS- They just moved FROM Jersey, so there are plenty of people (in Jersey) they know who can look after Julia and Joshua. Did I mention they are living with their her in-laws (in Florida), who could also watch them?

I agree that her note is rude. However, children are not dogs and can't just be "left at home". Some parents are (justifiably) not comfortable with non-family babysitters, and that's their decision. @JK, there's no comparison between leaving your child with his grandparents and leaving him with some random sitter (possible in an entirely different city). Your step sister should have politely declined or called you to ask about this, not written this awful note. If you are up to it, I would call her and explain the situation. Btw, your reception sounds amazing!

@ Fluffy... Thank you!

My step sister is living with her in laws in Florida actually. They could most certainly watch them, as they are the Grandparents. Don't you agree?

It does sound like a totally awesome party!

Jaclyn, that sounds amazing! Can fiancé and I take their places?

But in all reality, my THIRD cousin told me

it was "unfortunate" that our wedding is adults only. Whatever.... it's their choice if they want to come or not. Don't get upset over something you and your fiancé decided on together, for yourselves.

Jaclyn, I back you 110%. Your wedding sounds awesome.

My sister is one that gets all huffy if her kids aren't invited. I don't have human babies, but I do have fur babes...I should assume they're invited everywhere too, amirite?

Nice response.

I am basically doing the same thing for my wedding so I LOVE your idea

I agree with everyone else that her letter was incredibly rude and uncalled for and your response is very gracious.

Fortunately a lot of my relatives don't have little ones but I have made it clear that for those that do have smaller children that need to travel with them, childcare will be provided by a babysitter we know and trust. Is that an option for you?