"By excluding our children, you have chosen to exclude us"...

What a rude beoytch!! If you want to fly with your kids, ask for a baby sitter recommendation for the area. If she really wanted to attend, she could find a way to make it work!

I would follow the other suggestions. Be sweet as pie and send her a reply that you're sorry she's hurt, but the decision was made for a reason. I think the letter was SO SO SOOOO unnecessary and rude!

I couldn't agree more with Erin C.

I don't think the dramatic response was appropriate but I would think you'd make an exception for your niece and nephew. They're not toddlers, I'm sure they can behave at a wedding.

@Andrea no parents in their right mind are going to leave their kids with a sitter they've never met before in a new city... before you leave your kids with someone you need to interview them, ask for a background/criminal record check and first aid certificates. You don't just find someone on Craig's List and drop them off.

Ignore her and just count them in your declines. It's kind of pathetic of her to send that to you. Rock your kid free wedding!!

edited to add: most of my side of the family is coming hundreds of miles, with their children and getting a baby-sitter for the night with no complaints. Kid-free weddings are not a rare thing.

If she makes an exception for her niece and nephew she will have to make an exception for other kids. We don't know why she doesn't want kids and she doesn't have to justify her decision to anyone. She made the decision and while others don't have to like it they do have to respect it. If her step sister doesn't come oh well.

I kinda wanna call bs on the whole Josh and Julia were looking forward to the wedding. Really, which part? The part where the have to sit still and be quiet for the ceremony? Or the part where they have to behave for the 3-4 (or however long) hour reception and only have adults to talk to the entire time bc you are having an adults only reception (except for them)?!?!

This is about the parents being inconvenienced not about what the kids want.

I wouldn't even reply. Some people cant dare to be separated from their "precious" children. And we wonder why kids to act like animals.

I wrote her a letter back:

"Dear Cheryl,

We are sorry you are so shocked. We should have mentioned the no child decision sooner, and for that we apologize. Adam and I are having a small intimate affair at a rooftop lounge. We envisioned something very romantic for all our adult family and friends. No ballroom, no bouquet toss, no cake cutting. VERY untraditional. We are sorry for your disappointment but hope you can understand how difficult it would be to explain to the others (who are also flying in from florida) why only your children are there. To give full disclosure, my sister (Jr bridesmaid) and Adams nephews (Jr groomsmen) will be at the ceremony but will not be staying for the reception, as they are not adults. We are sorry for the disappointment, and welcome you to still attend if you so choose."

Is that ok, do you think?

Your response is very well written

I'm having a destination wedding without kids. We did get a one RSVP where the husband is staying home with the kids. I immediately texted them to see if they wanted to bring their kids, I didn't want to split up a couple. However it turns out money is tight with their family vacation coming up so he's staying home by choice and it's going to be a mommys weekend away! However in the case of your step sister her rude response does not justify an exception. If she had asked politely I would have said just make the exception.

Very polite response, on your part. Great job.

Wow! I have had some people not agree with it that I invited, but damn. They are taking it waaaay too personal! I chose not to have kids at my wedding also and people would complain, and in the end, some kids ended up coming anyway (less than 5 out of 100 guests, and none were babies either) But geez, definitely no need for her to be so nasty! There were a few people who we knew we wanted to attend whether they could find a babysitter or not, however most of them did successfully find child care. At the end of the night, everything was perfect. It's your choice whether you want to budge or not, either way, do whatever will make you happy. You are not personally attacking her as she thinks. Sorry she feels that way, too bad she isn't more supportive that you have found someone to love and share your life with and that she doesn't want to be part of that celebration. Maybe it was a quick reaction on her part after seeing the RSVP, hopefully she comes around :/

Thank you all for the clarity and support. I literally was fuming after having read it. It makes me realize, that I am not a terrible person after having read your comments.

I agree with Ashley. Maybe you could tell them how much it means to have them there and offer for them at least to attend the ceremony?

Yes Melissa! That's a great response. I don't think you need to engage her by trying to justify your decision. She needs to get over herself.

Yes, that's a good response to your step sister. You explained yourself in a polite way and didn't cave in. Good for you!

Ok as usual I will be on the side that I find it inconsiderate and hurtful to not invite children and don't think parents should be expected to attend, so I understand her letter .. I also think your response is lovely and you put it in a good apologetic light thus not coming off like a bridezilla! I would still consider letting her kids come if you can though, just my opinion if they're so close.

I think its a tough situation.. Obviously you don't want kids at your wedding… But they are family and are from out of town. But she was so rude i wouldn't want her there anyways. I would have made the exception or let the know ahead of time. But its your wedding and it should be your way!

I like what Melissa wrote. Simple and to the point. If they bring their kids to their ceremony can you be sure she won't pressure you on the day of to let the stay?