Bump..vow wording..'OBEY' your husband

Obey your husband?!!! Sorry but that's so old fashioned. I don't want that in the vows. No.Way.

When my mother married my father, she said "obey," but even then it was considered a bit dated. And they are 81. No way would I have agreed to such a thing!

And I consider his wanting you to promise that he will have the final word to be a big red flag.

We are not using 'obey'. I do not 'obey' FH. And if he thought I was going to just because we were married, we wouldn't be walking down the isle. No way. And I certainly don't let him have 'the final say' about anything. It is always a decision made between both of us, no matter what it is.

I think you should sit down and have a talk with FH and tell him how you feel about the word obey. He has to respect your feelings and opinions. If he puts his foot down about the word obey and you are okay with that then I would suggest you tell him he has to include the same in his vows. If you are promising to obey him he must do the same. See what his reaction is to that. If he doesn't like that then you have a problem. Marriage should be a trusting mutual commitment not a lifetime slavery sentence.

Hmmm, obey plus final say would worry me. Unless that's the way your relationship functions now?

These are the vows we are using... I do not like the whole "obey" wording at all.

Robby do you take Allison to be your wife? (I do)

Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect her, forsaking all others and holding only unto her forevermore? (I do)

Allison do you take Robby to be your husband? (I do)

Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect him, forsaking all others and holding only unto him forevermore? (I do)

@ Allison i really like that version of vows!

I think God put rule so you can dis-obey your husband and allow your husband to punish you in the bedroom.

Love and war All good

Punishment in love leads to forever marriage ...

I think

Could you use the word respect instead of obey? In our premarital counseling we talked about this in our last session. I brought up the point about obey sounds...not right. But look at it as saying respect.

One thing that has always bothered me in the vows is at the end when they say I now pronounce you man and wife. Why do I have to be wife but he is man? It should be husband and wife. lol I told FH we were going to change that part. I didnt think about anything else tho. I will have to take a look at these vows and def change that part too!!

I could imagine if a FH took the "obey" literally and said that..then with every little fight or disagreement he could be like: "Hey you vowed when we got married to obey me, you are breaking your vows!". Yowza.

WHAT Jabez?????? What an awful, sexist thing to say. The smiley emoticon doesn't make it any better.

And I never say 'man and wife'. It's always 'husband and wife, partners in love and life, in heart and mind and soul'....or close to that.

Seriously....Jabez. WTF dude?

Listen, if you're sticking to the traditional vows like other girls have stated, his "final say" should really be whatever you want/need, b/c he would be vowing to put your needs before his own. But that's in theory. I'm not sure he's considering the other side of that coin and how much responsibility he would be taking on. His statement about "getting final say" sounds rather immature IMO.

But here's the thing, we can all tell you what WE would do. The key is what YOU want in your marriage. If you want to be in a marriage where you trust your FH to have the final say, and you are not being abused, mistreated or coerced- then more power to you. You really just need to make sure you are both on the same page.

Personally, I would NEVER vow to obey anyone.

Why is your FH so concerned with this word?

Jabez....Wow! Hmm??? What a way to impress future clients....NOT!