Bridesmaid Drama: Demanding to bring baby to wedding or not come at all!

Oh, i can see that they aren't. I'm not saying that it's a fact that if you leave a baby with only a bottle, she will eventually drink it. I just meant that as someone with no experience with a baby, that seems like a reasonable conclusion to draw and could explain why someone wouldn't understand only being able to breastfeed.

I don't get this.

I get that the "no kids" rule is about the screaming, and then running around, and the hands in the food, etc etc.

A two month old baby might cry. In whcih case, just ask dad in advance to take him out. 99% of people with crying babies at weddings JUST STEP OUT.

So, even though her bringing her baby doesn't affect any of the things you're worried about, you still don't want it on principle?

Also, PK, its totally 100% cool and awesome you don't want kids, but I probably wouldn't run around saying things when you have no experience. Hell, I don't have kids, but my baby goat wouldn't take a bottle for four days and was starving himself, and I sat there crying next to him. I cannot IMAGINE how it feels with your own child.

@pk - it does happen. there's a mom in my mom's group right now with a child in the hospital with a feeding tube because she can't nurse and baby won't take a bottle.

i mean, in theory, eventually a baby will get hungry enough and take a bottle rather than starve. but most people aren't going to let it get that far!

Haha PK, your comment is really hilarious to me -- because it's totally true, it shouldn't be possible to wake up every 2 hours to feed a child, and still be functional. That's why parents of newborns are hanging on by a thread, that's why grandparents and friends come over for a couple hours to give the baby a bottle or do the dishes...cause it's completely insane! You just get used to being sleep deprived, you have a good cry once in a while, and you soldier on. Motherhood!

Double

It doesn't matter that "nothing will go wrong" and "you won't notice the baby." No kids is NO KIDS!

Heather - I will let this one slide. To clarify, I stated that if you were my 'friend,' and you were telling me I could not bring my child who had a medical need to be in close proximity to me to the wedding, I would tell you that you were being an asshat. That is what I would say to my friend. I also stated in another post that is the nature of my friendships that we can speak openly and strongly when necessary. I did not call you that name. Please keep the details straight.

But - if you are going to come into a public forum, ask for advise, and people respond honestly - to then name call will deem you an askhole. I am not calling you that now, since I said I am giving you a pass. But in the future, if you do, I will.

Anyone remember someone posting on here about a wedding they went to and an uninvited infant screaming the entire ceremony was going to cost the bride and groom up to $1,500 for the videographer to edit out?

You guys have given me a lot to think about and I think I've changed my mind and I'm willing to make the exception. I really would have my friend there than not at all, even if it means letting her be full-on mommy. The trouble will be getting the FH on board, as he is very firm in his resolve.

Question for the parents: if you were invited to a wedding and told you couldn't bring your baby, then went through all the trouble of finding someone who could care for an infant for like 6 or 8 hours, then when you got to the wedding, another woman had her baby there - how would you feel?

But.... that's just an arbitrary rule then Snarky.

As a friend, I would be hurt that someone just made a statement, without reason, and stuck to it, when it affected my ability to attend.

PK, any other parent in the same situation would also not be able to attend, not find a babysitter. Finding a babysitter shows that the child is older and can be away from the parents, which this parent is not.

In my experience, parents are way more sympathetic than non-parents. I've seen many a mother look at a little 2 month old baby and swoon, and then say "I remember those days..." with kindness and empathy.

Also, even if the baby is taking a bottle, the mom would still need to pump at feeding time to avoid engorgement, that early on.

Breastfeeding doesn't actually come naturally to all babies; if they don't suck properly, nothing comes out. This was my daughter's problem. A lactation consultant had to help come up with little exercises to train her to do it right. I know it sounds crazy, but it's really a whole science. The issue is that when they're that little, they really can't go without eating -- so if you try a bottle, with no success, for 10 minutes, 20 minutes, and the baby is just shrieking, you need to nurse. Plus your boobs will need to nurse or be pumped every 2 hours regardless...so, yea. Really fun lol

I may have missed it, but what does she plan to do with the baby during the ceremony? Walk down the isle with the baby and hold them during the ceremony?

@PK - that's exactly the position I'm in. Not only saying "no kids" to others, but saying it to family who are traveling from out of state to be here, including a baby! Another cousin declined coming to the wedding entirely because she has a 2 month old. It's a very precarious situation indeed, because it's not only MY decision to make!

PK- I don't have time to read everything so maybe this has been covered.. Breastmilk is digested faster and easier so babies are hungry faster, their stomach is also the size of a walnut at birth so it can't hold that much food.

People can survive on that much sleep... Your body is able to adjust to the schedule fairly well..

But yes, unless the baby is fed formula (which you might have been..of your mom pumped..or fed you from a laying position from the breast) they eat every 2-3 hours.

PK -- I think the fact that she's in the bridal party makes it even more okay

@pk - i can honestly say that if it were my baby (8 months) and then i showed up at a wedding where there was a breastfeeding newborn, i wouldn't feel put out.

BUT, if it was a baby of a similar age to mine or older, i would be pissed.

that said, i would never, ever take my baby to a wedding if i could avoid it. that's mama's time to drink.

I'm not saying a parent in the exact same situation. Maybe their child is 11 months old. Maybe he's 4 years old. Maybe he's 10 weeks but on formula and with his grandmother. I just was curious how a mother who was told she counted bring her child would react to then seeing a child there.

@pk I don't have kids so maybe I'm being pre biased but I would probably say something along the lines as "Sucks for that parent." FH and I have discussed that even when we do have kids we will never bring them to a wedding. Not the time and place and its nice to get away.

Plus shes not just a random guest that could have stayed home while her husband went or vice versa, shes in the damn wedding party.