Bridesmaid Drama: Demanding to bring baby to wedding or not come at all!

@m Sure there is empathy, but there is also respect. If I was invited to a kid-free wedding and I had a baby and didn't feel I could come without it, I would just RSVP no.

Late to the party....But here's my two cents!

No kids, means no kids. I had a preemie that I breastfed. She was born on December 23rd, I had a wedding on December 29th. I was there and my H stayed home with the baby. I stayed for the ceremony and maybe an hour of the reception. When I needed to pump I excused myself and went and pumped.

Having children isn't the end of the world, and other people do not have to make exceptions because you have a kid, or you breastfeed. I am a Mother obviously and my child comes before anyone in the entire world, but I can't expect other people to feel that way.

And no, not all babies eat every 2 hours.

Allen Walter was bottle fed because he was abandoned by his cat mom. Now he has separation anxiety and PICA

MrsPope - How about if your baby didn't take the milk from the bottle?? I know many babies like that....

Emmy - Perfect cat meme!! Haha

@Emmy does he really?! I can't tell if you're being serious or funny! If he was, that makes me sad!

I'm literally blown away about the questioning of how often a newborn needs to be fed. It's honestly the most ignorant thing I've read in such a long time. Young babies need to eat every 2-3 hours. It's a reality. I have a 9 year-old daughter and am expecting twins (via c-section). The lactation specialist at the hospital has already told me that while I recover for the first few weeks I should expect to feed each baby for 20min. a piece, pump for 20 minutes, take an hour off then repeat the process. That is literally 12 solid hours of feeding a day. It's an investment. You adapt to the sleep deprivation and you adjust your life accordingly. I know several people who's babies absolutely refused to take a bottle (even if it was pumped breastmilk). I had a co-worker who had to find a daycare provider down the street from our work so she could breastfeed on every break. They tried every day and every night for the first year to get her to take a bottle. They bought every kind of bottle there is on the market. The baby would completely unravel. When you're a mother, you do what you gotta do. People making completely uninformed and sarcastic remarks on the internet doesn't make the sacrifice any less real. http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/infant-and-toddler-health/in-depth/healthy-baby/art-20047741

It's true @athena.

I can see her point, and I know personally I have eat like every hour or I start throwing tantrums.

I do think that your understanding of her only attending the ceremony is very reasonable, especially since you voiced that the wedding was an adults only affair with enough notice.

Oh mah goodness... poor Allen Walter!

Well excuse the shit out of me for not knowing anyone with any kids, Sarah. Sorry my life experiences don't meet your quota.

I don't see the problem. The BM said she has to bring the baby or she can't attend. Ok she can't attend. OP just have to accept that and move on if she wants to stick to her no kids rule.

@MrsPope Really? Both of my daughters ate every 2 to 3 hours at that age. As they got older the time in between feedings increase.

@Pope, recap:

-BM got pregnant

-No kids wedding

-Baby wont take the bottle and has to be breast fed

-OP and her FH want the baby and BM's husband to sit in some other room during the ceremony like social pariah, likely ending her friendship with BM.

This is a two month old baby....its not a nose picking toddler who will be running around the reception acting a fool.

@ Sarah which part offended you? Before you had kids did you know how often they ate? Dayum.

I'm literally blown away about the questioning of how often a newborn needs to be fed. It's honestly the most ignorant thing I've read in such a long time.

If someone has never had a baby, they don't know how often babies eat. It's not "ignorant".

Snarky, you'd really say you wouldn't be in a very very close friends wedding without even asking if you could bring your child who has to be near you for 95% of the day?

I mean, she didn't have the child to spite you, you know.

That breaks my heart that you wouldn't even ask if it was OK.

@purplekitten - when my son was going through a growth spurt he could nurse every 45 minutes to an hour for a half hour to an hour. So yes, babies can eat that much especially breastfed newborns. Breastmilk is metabolised through the system faster than formula so breastfed babies need to feed longer and more often.

OP, please take into consideration that this is not anything against you, but when my son was 2 months old, I couldn't leave the house for more than an hour at a time because he would need to feed or I would have to pump or it would be EXTREMELY uncomfortable.

Guys....I don't think it was necessarily the questioning of the topic itself that Sarah is referring to but the phrasing of some of the questions/statements.

Wow, so this is what happens when I go to lunch.

Heather, props to you for being open-minded and coming around on this! Good luck with your FH. He might not know that babies do get fed that often, that the baby can't eat from a bottle yet, things like that. But really, newborns sleep, eat, poop and then sleep again. Husband can sit on the side of an aisle and slip out if the baby starts crying. It happens all the time.

I think what Melissa said about having the baby sit with dad in the back row during the ceremony is just fine. No one is going to care that there is a 2 month old baby. It is breastfeeding and its the baby of a BM. If they get offended then find new friends. I think you need to let the baby come. He wont ruin the wedding and you will be married.

It's one thing to not know how often babies eat. It's an entirely different thing to question the validity of the fact in a condescending, incredulous way. Both ignorance and rudeness can be offensive, but only one is cured with education.

Edit: I think that is what Sarah is referring to, and I agree with her.