Bridesmaid Drama: Demanding to bring baby to wedding or not come at all!

"I thought people were supposed to try to accommodate the bride on her big day, especially those that accepted the responsibility of being a bridesmaid?"

ETA - Just realized you beat me to it, Christine! Yikes.

While it is your day you are being a bad friend for thinking that she would let her child go hungry for your wedding. She can't help that her child isn't taking to a bottle and your other guests can mind their own business when it comes to a baby being there. At least she didn't assume her older child could come. Just let this one go if you want to keep your friendship with her.

@Pk...if you can't accept that a newborn baby has to eat every 2 hours or so, you better not plan on having any babies

No troll! I'm honestly looking for advice and opinions here and trying to be open-minded. I want to understand where she is coming from.

@purplekitten - no, that's really how often they eat for a while. that's why the shortness of maternity leave in the US is nutso. their stomachs are really little, then can only hold enough food to last for a few hours and they're growing so quickly that they need to eat all the time. it is completely overwhelming for those first months!

@Heather- you are a bride, not the Queen. Your bridesmaids are there to stand with you and share your special day, not abandon their breastfeeding child because you do not want unpredictable children there. I understand not wanting children at your wedding, but this is an extremely special situation. If you absolutely do not want her child there then you need to be ok with her not attending.

@PK...... I don't really care if you don't "accept it," but infants eat every 2 hours. At two months, sometimes children can beginning stretching to every 3 hours or so, but it all depends on the child.

There doesn't seem to be anything you can do. She can't leave her baby and you are unwilling to make the exception it looks like she will not be able to attend.

Be a true friend and let her bring the baby. Two month olds are mostly sleeping...not allowing her to bring her nursing infant is rotten.

.... I think PK is joking.

I don't see the issue here. No kids is no kids. Tell her that and let her decide what she will do.

She's coming from the point that she has a newborn baby that is 110% dependent on her at the moment and she's assuming that she has a good friend that would understand this special situation and give her a break.

PK, just because you don't understand the realities of raising a child doesn't mean they are not true. Usually I enjoy your comments, but your "inability to understand" the needs of children boggle my mind, and your apparent need to argue them.

I agree if anyone asks just say wedding party only. An infant that young probably hasn't even been introduced to a bottle yet so she can't be that far away. Allow her husband to have the baby but make sure the baby is fed and changed right before the ceremony and you may not have problems. Otherwise just let the dad know to take the baby out of the room to comfort him/her

Unless you're joking. Then I'm the asshat

We are not having kids, with no exceptions. I do not want kids at my wedding, and I do not care who that offends.

However, even I would back down in this situation. Her baby needs to eat. I actually like my bridesmaids and am going out of my way to accommodate them on a number of things. Her child's health trumps your princess day.

I'm going to have to ask my mom how the hell I didn't starve then because I've been told that after the emergency c-section, she was bedridden and unable to sit up unassisted for six weeks, and i know dad was working and her mom and sister wouldn't have pissed on her if she was on fire.

If it's no kids and you are unwilling to compromise, sorry but your BM will not be there. Her baby comes before your wedding.

Also... every 2 hours? This (once again) gives me another reason to never have a kid lol

Breastfeeding a newborn is difficult. You have to make a choice. What is more important to you? Her being there or having no kids? If it is having no kids, then you just have to tell her. Explain to her you are really sorry and that you would love for her to be there, but you aren't making any exceptions for children.

If she is willing to try and work something out, awesome. If not, that sucks, but it was your call.

I am in a similar situation...a bridesmaid recently had her daughter and the baby will be 4 months old by the time our wedding comes around.

I have been very honest about our desire to have a kid free wedding and she knows that. I worked with her, trying to understand what she needed, time wise, to make sure she could be in my wedding. I worked with her on the getting ready time line, would she need to have the baby with her while we are all getting ready, would her husband stay with the baby in the bridal suite during the ceremony...did she need me to turn the bridal suite into a private lactation area...

The point being, if she is this close to you, important enough to be in your wedding, work with her...try to find ways to compromise...maybe she doesn't stay for your reception..but can for the ceremony...there is a way to make this work but you both have to have very honest conversations about what can and can not be accommodated for during this time.

I'm not joking. Humans can't survive on that little sleep. I'm thinking of this from a scientific standpoint. Okay, you're a human, 50,000 years ago. You have no concept of society or right and wrong. You have this little thing that came out of you that won't allow you to get enough sleep to function, putting you at tremendous risk as prey. How the hell did we survive that?!