BIG PROBLEM- NO kids

I understand that you are hurt because you think of your brother's wedding as an event that the whole family, including kids, should be a part of. The problem is that your brother and his fiancee have a different idea of what their wedding should be, and it does not include children. I don't think you should boycott your brother's wedding over this. It's really their choice, and even if you're not happy with it, you should still be there to support your brother. You can show your children pictures and maybe bring them a favor back.

Melissa--- FYI

Spelt (Triticum spelta) is a hexaploid species of wheat. Spelt was an important staple in parts of Europe from the Bronze Age to medieval times; it now survives as a relict crop in Central Europe and northern Spain and has found a new market as a health food. Spelt is sometimes considered a subspecies of the closely related species common wheat (T. aestivum), in which case its botanical name is considered to be Triticum aestivum subsp. spelta.

Spelled, perhaps?

Rachel, from Dictionary.com:

spelt

1    [spelt] Show IPA

–verb

a simple past tense and past participle of spell1 .

Both are acceptable. If you think Melissa needs to lighten up, say so, but she's right.

LMAO, go Kate!

As much as some people think kids at weddings are cute, others find them distracting. As much as I love kids, I don't find them dancing and twirling around adults, who then have to watch for them on the dance floor cute. I don't like that they tend to end up in every picture. I don't like that under 5 they don't really understand what is going on and parents often keep them there after thier bed time so they get cranky.

At 12 I was taken to my uncles wedding and all I really remember is us kids thought it was gross with the garter toss, and adults kept tripping over us, and if you want the video kids are in EVERYTHING. (You couldn't get a clean cut of the bride and groom)

So I think you need to make a choice. Is it more important your brother does what YOU want him to do, or is it more important that you be there to support him as his sister. This is something you can't redo later in life.

Sorry- but I had to laugh when you said you were family oriented. You are YOUR family oriented. However, you only other family is being completely dismissed. You don't know the reasons they are not allowing children. It could be because of the large amoounts of alcohol and it would be a inappropriate environment for children. It could be because of the cost per person for the reception- and not all venues give discounts for chilren's meals. If you bring your 3 kids, that will most likely cost them an extra $300 and 3 friends they see daily who cannot attend. They have their reasons.

You responsibility- as a good member of the family and a good sister- is to support that, even if YOU aren't happy about it. This day isn't about your family- it's about HIS.

You may not be able to be running around taming your children and watching them every second. Dont' you want to dance with your husband? Who will watch the kids? Don't you want to be able to have a drink?

I think being that YOU are also getting married you should understand the extra stress and drama it causes because your guest and/or family member telling you how your wedding should be. I know the stress I get when people call and ask if they can bring a guest or they wont go if someone else it there. it is stupid if you want him to respect your day you need to respect his. its your brother how could you not go to his wedding because he doesnt want kids there? its not uncommon to not have kids at a wedding. I have a 4 year old and take care of a 9,7,5,4,2 (year olds) none of them would sit quitly at a dinner in fancy cloths and politely ask to pass the gravy. they would be running around, goofing off. I think you are being unreasonable

I can honestly say that we had 25 or so kids at various ages and there isn't any horror stories to tell.

I'm also confused. On the other thread similar to this, the OP was told that she can't be upset if her sister doens't show up because she wants a kids free wedding, but here we're telling the OP to suck it up, be a better sister, etc.

This topic has come up alot on this forum! I'm sorry but my sister already told me that if she was in this position she would not bring her kids. My sis and I both agreed that we would make arrangements to have a trusted person babysit for a few hours so that we could enjoy our day and so that we would respect each others wishes. I love my sister and would never put her in a situation where she would have to make herself uncomfortable for me, especially on her WEDDING day. My fiance and I have both agreed to not have kids at the wedding/reception, hence we don't have kids ourselves so its only fitting. Try to understand where your brother is coming from and know that his fiancee has a say so too regardless of how you feel about her. It is her wedding day too. However, I do feel it is kinda jaded that her family is allowing pre-teens to attend the event.

FMS - I agree with you. I am a bit confused as well.

To the OP, I realize why you are upset and I understand. I for one, do not understand the frustration that other people have with children at weddings but I have never had a bad experience as others have had.

In the end, this is your brother and he and his fiance have the right do what they want.

If I were you, I would attend the ceremony, show your love and support for him, wish him well and that's that. You don't have to go to the reception (although it would be nice if you did) but if you can't bring yourself to do that, at least attend the ceremony.

Don't let the decision about the children affect your relationship with him for the rest of your life - in ten years, will your kids not being invited to the wedding REALLY matter?

I understand that everyone has their own opinion on this but I feel for you Edyta. Totally understandable that anyone getting married should have their day their way but it's quite sad to think that a day that you want to share with family and friends because they mean so much to you, can't also be shared with some people who equally mean as much but just so happened to be under a certain age. Each to their own and fair enough if some of you haven't invited kids i'm sure everyone has their reasons which is how things should be, but personally I could never think of a good enough reason to not invite my nieces or nephews. Again, just my opinion! :-)

Kystyn Y.- You're a mom and you know the truth! I love it and give you much kudos for your stance "I'm the parent, they are the child." Alot of parents tend to forget this and let their kids run wild and do whatever they want. I remember my little sis and I being left at home with grandma when I was around 6 or 7, my sis was like 2 or 3 while my parents went to a wedding. They would have not enjoyed themselves running after and trying to discipline my sis and I. lol Plus I know my attention seeking self would have tried to steal the show at that age! lol

Aimee- one thing to consider. You talk about celebrating with people they care about... Well, this isn't HER party! It's her brothers, and HE should have control over who they celebrate with. He and his fiance choose the guest list- not her.

She wouldn't want him saying he won't come to the wedding if he can't bring friend "X"- why should she get to demand that guests be added to their list?

I agree with everyone. If he doesnt want kids at his wedding then so be it. Its their day and thats what he wants. I also think for you to not go to the reception is childish. You can get a sitter for you children. What is the point of going to the wedding if you are just going to leave. Plus the reception is where all the fun happens. Bottom line, get a sitter.

The ceremony is in a different location than a reception. In the past I never took my kids to the ceremony (onece took the oldest to my first cousins) but alwas to the reception stay for about two hours and go home. Do not to have to drink at the party and leave before the kids get too tired. The $$$ is not the issue we give enough to cover for my family usuly it is $500.00 and for my brother I would give more.

I think the decision was made by the bride, on her side of the family there is no small kids and the pre- teens are invited. If they incuded the kids in the wedding as a flower girl etc. other gusts would not mind that they ware invited wothout kids.

And agian I would not stay for long and make shure this was a pleasent experiance.

I'm sorry, that's tough, but let's also face it. The 8 year old is really the only one who'll remember he was/wasn't there. (Don't meant to be cruel!) And if he's got my memory, he may not even remember that!

Also, at least he didn't split up your kids and allow one to come and not the others. I babysat for a child who was left out of a wedding because no kids were invited, EXCEPT for 2... one of which was his brother 'cause he was the ring bearer. He was 4 so he cried a lot until I could get his mind off of it, but he won't remember years down the line. (But I did think that was a little obnoxious of the couple... but yes, it was their choice.)

Anyway, they might have a rule that only people 12 and up are invited, which is why your kids aren't invited. I'm sorry. I can't imagine my wedding without kids, but some people just don't want them there. Or it might be budget thing - our kids are less than 1/3 the adult price, but often times there's no break at all. (Cont)

I'm sorry. It sucks they're not included. But make sure to take plenty of pictures later to show them the whole thing. Maybe even bring a video camera to record the ceremony and you can all dress up and watch it together later so they can still feel like they were included.

I'm sure there's something you can do to make sure your kids still know about everything even if they aren't able to go.

@FMS and Kelly,

If I was to talk to Jessica's sister, I would tell her the same thing- suck it up, get a sitter and don't just bring your child. There is a difference in the situations because that was one 6 week old child and this is three children at 2, 4 and 8. A 6 week old does not cause the same amount of interruption, etc as a 2, 4 and 8 year old.

And if I was to talk to Edyta's brother and fiance, I would ask them if it was worth hurting his only surviving family immediate family member to not include his niece and 2 nephews.

But we cannot control what other people do, we can only control our own reactions. So of course the appropriate response on each side will be different.

OMGoodness Thanks Kate and of course Rachel and I have issues obviously but I suppose being the person of the larger vocabulary wins at this point. LOL smh =\

@ Pumpkin, I totally understand your thinking, but in my 'thought process' there is a difference in the ages, but the situation is still the same, these kids are immediate blood family, regardless of the age.