Asking the Guests to wear Black

@ Kathryn- i didnt know it was not ok to have the BP seperate from their dates for the dinner either. What do people do then? LOL

we are only splitting 2 people from their dates and it is ok by all. they suggested it acually. My sis' BF and he'll be with my parents and my FBIL who is a GM but his wife is not in my BP. She will be with FMIL/FFIL and her two kids who are RB and FG.

ETA: @ Alysha- solved my problem after i posted LOL Thanks girl!

@emmy if they choose not to come then their not in my presence.

The amount of gall it takes for someone to "suggest" that you wear something to do along with party decorations is astronomical.

@Julia...Yes. Clearly. I might be missing what that meant.

@ Future Mrs Gee I guess people either can have a king's table (where the date are included ). Which in my opinion can get out of hand. My head table would be over 40 people if we included dates. Or they just do sweet heart tables.

I am going to be rude and do a head table. I never heard of the other 2 until recently and I don't really care for them.

But... these people are your closest family and friends, right? Who you want to celebrate your marriage with, right? Why in God's good name would someone EVER put a theme over respecting their guests and their comfort?

Look, I get it. Guests should never really complain about the choice of food that's served (as long as it's reasonable), the decorations, what the bride is wearing. But it's all on the host to make sure that the wedding at a minimum shows simple respect for your guests as adults and makes sure they're at the least comfortable.

Future Mrs Gee--if the entire bridal party and their guests can't sit at a head table, you can do either a sweetheart table (with just the couple) or a king's table (long table with people sitting on both sides) that can accommodate the bridal party and their guests.

@Future Mrs Gee I wouldn't say it's rude but I'm not a fan of it. I been in a few weddings and I hate not being able to sit with my family.

On the head table note: I started to get a little uneasy when I saw how many WW brides say bad things regarding them and splitting up dates. Personally, I kind of agree with the PP that it's only for dinner and then they can spend the rest of the night with whoever ! We are creating the tables so the dates will be as close to the head table as possible.

Imagine showing up at a place with hundred of people you don't' know, and then the one person you do know walks off and sits & you dine in silence of with strangers.

How is that not just a LITTLE rude? Only because you want to have some people sit with you even though you know EVERYONE there?

Yeah i totally get it now! I didnt think about it until i came to WW, so its nice to get another perspective.

@m- i agree, just with ours, the two people woul be with family- so it wouldnt be awkward.

Now i they didnt know anyone date wise, exceptionally rude, but with our wedding, all of it is family members.

Edited to correct m since i misspelled her name! Sorry!

Well I have told this story before but here's my feelings on the head table. FH was BM in a wedding with a head table. The ceremony and reception were in the same space, and you sat at your table for the ceremony. With pre-ceremony, ceremony, cocktail hour, dinner, and speeches I was solo for 2.5 hours. I would have liked to at least have had dinner with him, but instead we had dinner right across from each other but with a whole dance floor between us.

Mountain Formal, since Emmy keeps bringing it up.

Sensible shoes, slacks, button down shirts for men and nice dresses or pant suits for women. It is more of a "take into consideration that you are going to be on the SIDE of an inactive volcano" nod.

Like dressing up a bit to go for a hike.

But don't worry about it....

Onawho - but your guests do know that the wedding will be on a side of an inactive volcano, right? And, as sentient adults, wouldn't they realize that sparkly minidresses and 5 inch heels probably wouldn't be the best idea?

I think Emmy is pointing out that mountain formal, like most other clothing designations, is a thing you made up, yes? It's not a universally-recognized form of dressing with one set definition (same with semi-formal, by the way, or black tie optional). It's perfectly reasonable to point out to your guests that "hey, the wedding is on an inactive volcano, so please dress accordingly" without saying something like "Mountain formal." As a guest I would have NO idea what you are talking about.

Regarding the first convo for themed weddings/ color requests.... Eh i wouldnt care too much if i received an invite stating it- i would cxomply.

would i do it personally, no.

With ours we did coctail attire, however if someone shows up in a t-shirt- i wouldt care. It just better not b my mom, shes been crazy with her dress LOL

This reminds me of my HS reunion page. It said: Dress Code - Casual Chic.

I nearly lost it. Laughing so hard. For a highschool reunion. What if I am not chic!??!?!

@ M

You better find a way to become Chic!

If there was a "fck no!" resopnse to my highschool reunion, I would've clicked it.

They're asking forty bucks PER PERSON. & I'd have to fly home at our busy season.

So no, just no.

@m does that mean no sweat pants?! What is "chic" lol!

I don't think you can ask your guests what to wear for a number of reasons.

If people did participate and just one or two didn't it would look bad, in my opinion.

and I don't think black is a color a lot of people are comfortable wearing to weddings. I do, but I know people who think it's morbid.

If you have to Google what a dress code is chances are its not a real thing and your guests will be uncomfortable

If I was a guest and I got a reasonable dress code request, I would honor it. I would wear black- I might think it's weird, but I would do it. If I got a request to wear something outrageous- like fairy wings or a full Renaissance festival attire or a peacock feathers headpiece- I would not do that. I probably wouldn't attend.

As a bride, I am not asking my guests to dress any particular way. 1) It's more important that they're there than what they wear. I'd hate anyone to stay away because they don't think they have the right attire. and 2) yes, some people, especially older guests, would probably be offended especially by 'all black'. 3) Don't treat your guests like photo props.