Asking bridesmaids to wear flats instead of heels? Bridesmaid freaked out!

I don't see the big deal here. My SIL is 5 feet tall and she asked us to wear flats too in her wedding. Who cares? Seriously. I could understand if you were asking them to wear 6-inch heels, but flats are practical and if that's the only thing you are asking of them then I think it's silly for them to be upset about it.

I would love to know how Joe can tell what women are wearing under a floor length dress...

I don't think you're asking too much at all. Some brides require that their bm's wear matching shoes so what's the difference. I personally think they're the ones being difficult.

I think what would really bother me is that you're specifying what type of shoes even though the shoes really won't be seen.

It matters to her, it's her day and she's not asking something unreasonable. Buy a cheap flat shoe.

I didn't care what jewelry, hair style or nail polish my BM's wore and yet they were considerate enough to ask if I did have a preference. I find it off putting that her couple of friends are unwilling to do this simple thing for her for her event.

It's rather easy, Samantha. When you tailor clothing (altering a floor-length dress, for example), you should wear the same footwear that you will the day of the event to ensure that the dress falls at the right spot. When you see bridesmaids at the reception and the dress they are wearing appears much longer (and is dragging on the floor) than it was at the ceremony, you can be certain they removed their heels for flats or are barefoot.

It's the same principle for a man tailoring a pair of slacks - you don't show up to the tailor wearing flip flops if you'll be wearing the slacks with closed toe oxfords when you go to work.

I think it is silly. Bridal party shoes shouldn't be dictated. I can promise you with my size 10 wide feet, I won't be finding any shoes a bride picked out. I just see this as a non issue. OP - you are short and you will look short in your photos. You will look like beautiful you. Are these dresses that will be worn again? They can't be hemmed to accomodate flats and heels. I just don't get why this is an issue.

Yes, your tailoring comment is correct. That must be time consuming watching all those bridesmaids and noticing that their dresses fall to different places at the reception versus the ceremony.

I've been in 6 weddings. 5 with floor length dresses. Most of us wore flats for that very reason. Wearing four inch heels and then changing into flats causes your dress to drag, so flats are more practical. The 100 weddings you attended must have been different.

Samantha, there's no need to get nasty. You asked (or was it just snark?) a follow-up question to my comment, and I responded. I apologize for being observant enough to notice a change like that; but your comment really gets at the heart of the matter: who is going to notice, let alone care what shoes the bridal party wears?

I don't get why people are saying your wrong. I am personally letting my bridesmaids wear any type of dress and shoes they want as long as it matches the color I want but I think that your being reasonable. You want your day to be perfect. I think we can all understand that. I think its the same as if you personally picked out shoes for them which isn't uncommon. Your doing nothing wrong! but its not worth the fight at the end of the day.

As a bride who is barely 5 feet tall......I totally feel you on the heel height issue and making you look super short. I have BM's who are super tall and I will look teeny, but I am more concerned about my boobs popping out of my dress than how short I will look.

Their dresses are short and I asked for metallic, closed toe pumps. If the dresses were long though, I wouldn't have cared as much. I see nothing wrong with asking BM's to wear something specific.

Honestly, I don't see this as any different as when brides pick the heels for their BM to wear... which is pretty common. I mean, most people own flats and while I think heels are better for a formal occasion, it's not that big of a deal. The problem is if they have the dress hemmed for flats, they will never be able to wear it with anything but flats. Could you compromise and find a short heel you like?

Also, change your avatar!

I think this is weird. We all have insecurities, and since your wedding is the day that EVERYONE will be looking at you, your BMs should be sympathetic and want you to feel beautiful and comfortable. It's not like you asked them to all wear something ridiculous. It's flats, people, and honestly with a long dress, no one will notice how "slim" your legs look.

Many brides request the attendants wear specific shoes. They wear them for the ceremony, pictures and first part of the reception. Once the reception is in full swing, they kick them off or switch into more comfortable shoes. In this case, let her wear flats that you have requested for the "important" times and then she can switch into her heels so her legs can look longer for whatever reason she needs them to since they won't be seen in your wedding pictures due to the long dress.

And asking them to wear flat shoes under a floor length dress is not the same as asking them to wear a potato sack. No one will even see them! She's clearly not trying to make them look ugly.

I think this is a really small request and I don't understand why people would be very upset about this. Like a previous post said, basically the whole job of a bridesmaid is to stand where you're supposed to wearing what the bride asks you to. Obviously it's important to take their feelings and concerns into consideration, but again - in floor length dresses, you can't see their legs in the first place. Also, if you are legitimately unwilling to accommodate such a small request such as heel height only for pictures to make your friend feel more comfortable and happy on her wedding day, I think you should just say no to being a bridesmaid.

Given what so many other brides are asking of BMs, I think a simple request to wear flats is not too much. If you get the feeling it might bet 'the heels or the friendship' you might want to relent, but then, you might want to ask yourself, "Who pitches such a fit, as a bridesmaid, that she'd give up a friendship over how her legs will look for one evening?"

What's funny is, had you said, "I found these flats I love...." I suspect people would be absolutely on your side.

You are the bride. It is your day, not theirs, it is not bridezillaish or anything for you to simply want to feel beautiful and not insecure at all. You are the centre of attantion, no one cares much for the bridesmaids when you are there. If they think you are being unfair get rid of them as a bridesmaid. The job of a bridesmaid is to SUPPORT the bride, not make her insecure about something. Sounds like one is being a bit of a b***h and you should do what makes you comfortable!

I am slightly surprised by some of the comments on here.

I think it's fine that you have asked them to wear flats - it doesn't matter the reason why you want them to wear flats. PLUS you didn't even specify the type of flat.

In the three weddings that I have been in, my shoes were all chosen to match. (I was a RB with my cousin and my sister and our other cousin were the FGs... we all had matching shoes AND dresses; when I was a BM in two weddings - all our shoes matched AND they were flats with short dresses). For one of the weddings I was a BM in, I wasn't in love with the dress or the color (we were all in different colors) but I did it for the bride and grew to like the dress. For the other wedding, I wasn't really crazy about a short plum dress (I like the dress color) paired with bright green flats. However, it was the bride's colors and that is what SHE wanted. Their day wasn't about me, it was about them and their soon-to-be husband.

At first I asked my BMs to wear flats - two of them were super excited - the other two (which includes the MOH) wanted to wear heels. So I said okay, two of you can wear flats (who are the taller BMs) and the other two can wear heels (they are shorter), but I asked them to match each other (so heels match, flats match -- both in ivory). Oh!! and they all have the same royal blue floor length dress. Call me crazy - but I also have a vision for formal pictures.

I wrote this whole other paragraph in a tangential rant.. Deleted that. Back to you. I do think that it is not nice of your BM to pretty much use "mind tricks" because she already bought her shoes. However, for the sake of trying to keep the peace - if she does not budge on the heels, could you do as some of the girls suggested? By some $1 flipflops or the fast flats for the formal pictures (that does not include the ceremony pictures)?