Asking bridesmaids to wear flats instead of heels? Bridesmaid freaked out!

I get it OP. I am 5'6 as were 2 of my bridesmaids. My other 2 are 6 feet tall...the tall ones happen to be my sisters. I asked them to wars wear flats and they obliged. I didn't do it because I have some sort of inferiorty complex about being short...just for the sake of pictures because I've had to stand on risers during plenty of family pictures and I wanted to avoid that on my wedding day.

I am not "tall" (I am 5'8") but when I ordered my wedding dress I was told that if I were planning on wearing heels I would need to order/pay for extra length for my dress. With floor length dresses, if your bridesmaids are wearing flats their dresses will need to be hemmed. When I and my sister were in a friend's wedding I didn't have to have my dress hemmed, my sister (who is only 1 inch shorter than me) had to have her dress hemmed (adding another $75 to her alterations cost). You mention that aside from pictures they can wear whatever shoes they want but the dress will need to be altered for a specific shoe type. I understand that you are concerned about how your pictures will look but if they really care that much I suggest asking yourself how important it really is that they wear flats. (Originally I had asked my bridesmaids to get floor length dresses but when I saw the price of hemming dresses, I told them to wear whatever length they wanted.)

Can they just kick their shoes off for a few photos???

I didn't read the comments but I am 5'2. I had 3 bridesmaids that are 5'7. I wore short 1" wedges they all wore 3-4" heels. Who cares? It didn't look weird. I didn't feel weird.

I don't think you're asking to much at all. I also had a shoe issue with a bridesmaid

I have a 1920's theme wedding and I told my girls exactly what kind of shoe I wanted them to wear. Heels had to be thick and no taller than 2 inches....as authentic to 1920's shoes as possible. I also bought everything for them and made no other demands throughout the entire wedding process. Dresses, shoes, jewelry and whether you wear your hair up or down has traditionally been up to the bride. People are becoming more flexible with shoes, jewelry and up/down hair but it's not unrealistic if you have a vision.

Honestly, 2" is not going to make that much of a difference, and it's not like everyone who's attending the wedding thinks you're actually tall! My SIL and both her sisters are 5'9-5'10", and I'm barely 5'3" - no one was going to think I was their height even in floor-length dresses.

However, while I agree with you @Allysia, that inviting them to wear flats for comfort reasons is a legit suggestion, and a bride's insecurity is not a good reason to dictate flats, if a bride picked out the shoes and asked them to wear the same shoes and the BM threw a fit, then we'd all be saying the BM is out of line, that it's normal to have the bride request a certain shoe... Bottom line, the BM is also being insecure to snap about wearing flats, when it's Just. Not. That. Big. Of. A. Deal.

MY girls were thrilled at the idea of flats. 3 of them have bad feet or backs, and the other hates heels. Done. I have had foot surgery, and heels are not even an option. I can barely wear flat strappy sandals.

I feel like you should let them wear whatever shoes they prefer! Picking the color of the shoe is one thing that I understand, but the bridesmaids deserve to feel confident and beautiful as well. They already have to wear a dress you chose they shouldnt have to feel like your ugly step sisters! The happier the maids the happier the bride

I think your request is very reasonable. I have the opposite problem from you. I am 6' tall and my shortest BM is 5'4". She wants to wear heels to feel taller. Mine would have no issues wearing all flats though.

I think specifying a general shoe type like flats is totally reasonable. If they're really making a fuss about it, could you just buy all the girls some cheap flip-flops and ask that they put them on for the photos and let them wear whatever for the ceremony/reception?

If you really want them to wear flats then you should buy them the shoes. That way there's no excuse for them to complain about it.

My opinion on this, let them wear what makes them comfortable. I'm only 5'0" tall. All my BMs are taller than me, one BM is going to be wearing 6" heels. I think she's crazy because I'd break my ankles trying to walk in them but she comfortable so that's all I care about. Even if they wore flats, all of them would still tower over me so it wouldn't make a difference what kind of shoes they wear.

My BM's are wearing flat sandals. They were actually ok with it

I don't think it's out of line to ask for one type of shoe (I asked my BMs to wear silver sandals with some type of heel), and if a friend wanted me to wear flats to her wedding, I'd do it, at least for the ceremony and pictures. But I can also see where the BMs are coming from--I have wide feet and high arches, and it's really not comfortable for me to wear flats if I'm going to be standing or walking a lot (and I feel unattractive because of how my feet look). I have one pair of flat sandals that I like, but other than that, I would rather wear 5 inch heels than flats.

No offense, but your insecurity about your height is not their problem. In my opinion, you owe them an apology.

I'm sorry but I have to say some of these responses were surprising. For years and years it was the "thing" that the bridesmaids wore what the bride wanted. Yes, over the years that has changed but still -- its YOUR day, not theirs. Not only do I think you do NOT need to apologize (cause frankly, what the hell are you apologizing for in the first place) but for something so little as SHOES?! If they are in long dresses, do you really think someone is even looking at their feet?? You can find some pretty nice and dressy flats that look extremely formal. You don't have to wear heels to look "formal" and I really have to disagree with that. I guess I have looked non-formal for every occasion as I can not wear heels for the life of me. If the girls have that much of a problem with one little request, then I would have told them they can purchase their own dress then. That alone is a HUGE gift for them. Their lucky you aren't making them wear big puffy bows or shoulder pads haha.

Don't be sorry hun -- it's your day and I don't think your being unfair at all.

Having attended 100+ weddings in the past 10 years, I've noticed (as a man) that most women who wear a floor length dress to a wedding pair them with heels, at least for the ceremony and the beginning of the reception. When the dancing starts, many change into flats that they pull out of some mysterious bag that appears out of nowhere.

In your scenario, your bridesmaids are already taller than you, right? By six plus inches? So unless they were in flats and you were in 7 inch heels (you won't be based on your own admission), you're still going to be shorter. At the end of the day, who cares? You? This is your wedding day and all attention will be on you; let go this one control freak item and let your attendants wear the shoes of their choosing.

They are ridiculous it's your day. You've paid for the dress they can either wear flats or not be in the wedding. Not to mention they will likely put flats on later anyway.

Can they wear heels for everything but the formal pics and then just not wear shoes for the formal pics? Nobody will see their feet anyway in floor-length dresses. Everybody wins.

I can understand both sides of this. I'm only 5 ft tall so I always wear heels because honestly I think it makes me look slimmer and it makes me feel better about myself, so if someone told me I had to wear flats I would be really annoyed. On the other hand, I do agree that it would look weird in pictures if all your bridesmaids were way taller than you. I'm glad my tallest bridesmaid is 5'4" so I told them all that they can wear whatever shoes they want. I think a great compromise would be to ask them to wear flats for pictures (it could even be $1 flip flops because they won't show) and wear whatever they want after that