Asking bridesmaids to wear flats instead of heels? Bridesmaid freaked out!

I don't think it's unreasonable to designate flats vs. heels, but I also don't think it's worth fighting over.

I love flats. I'll be wearing them on my own wedding day and would be so happy if a bride told me to wear flats.

I am one of the shortest out of all my friends. Most of my friends at 5 foot 9 inches (symbols aren't showing up) We take lots of photos together and I never dictate their shoes. Do I look shorter than them? Sure! Does it ruin the photo? Not at all!

So although I don't think it's really a big deal, I just don't think it's worth a fight. Who really cares what shoes they are wearing?

Normally I would say she has a small point about legs looking better in heels. However, I think that when you sign up to be a BM you roll with what the bride wants. It's shoes for one day people! I would have LOVE LOVE LOVEed to wear flats. Every pair of shoes I have worn to a wedding, whether I was in the wedding or not have ended up off and under the table halfway through the night. Plus its your wedding, your vision. When they have their wedding they can do whatever they want. I totally get not wanting to have your entire bridal party towering over you.

Some people are just not comfortable in flats. I find it funny that CareBear got blasted for wanting her girls to wear heels, but forcing them to wear flats is ok? It's the same concept.

I would be highly annoyed with this demand. I do NOT wear flats with anything remotely formal- not to weddings, not with dresses, not at work. I would do what you demanded, but I would be peeved, and feel uncomfortable (not physically, but certainly from a looking attractive perspective).

Also everyone in my entire life is taller than me - I'm 5'2, FH is 6'4 and my next "shortest" BM is 5'7 (my tallest BM is over 6' with her heels on, which she will definitely be wearing). I wouldn't ever ask them not to wear heels just so I could be taller.

You are not being rude or a "bridezilla". You are not making any sort of unreasonable requests by asking for a certain type of shoe, whatever the reason. It is within the brides right to choose the shoe and accessories as well as the dress the BM's wear. For some it doesn't matter for other's it does. You are relieving them of the financial burden of paying for a dress and said they could wear whatever flat shoe however cheap. I'd like to know what they have to complain about?!

I know I don't want to fight with her but at the same time I want my photos to look ok. I'm 4'11. The shortest bridesmaid is 5'5. The tallest is 5'9. I feel like a little kid standing next to them sometimes. She even told the other girls to ask me to let them wear heels (which 4 out of 6 want to wear flats) so that I would give in and let her wear heels. I am sorry this is a really dumb thing to dwell on. I am going to let her wear the heels and secretly enjoy every minute of her complaining that her feet hurt later since she's made such a fuss.

I designated shoes for my bridesmaids...yellow flats. They are all ok with it. I don't see anything wrong with your request, your reasoning should have nothing to do with it.

Besides my FSIL, all my BM are taller than me, but I'm not gonna dictate to them what to wear. I'm gonna suggest that they wear flats since the ceremony site is cobblestone and we're gonna walk up uneven steps for the pictures, but if one of them wants to go with heels, so be it.

I think all you can do is suggest what they get, but don't dictate it, especially not because of your own insecurities. They are your friends, not props.

I think you are being ridiculous. You are insecure about being shorter than everyone so you are making them "shrink" down as well? I would be pissed if I was your BM too. I would never wear flats with a formal BM dress. It is uncomfortable and yes, heels do make your body look slimmer.

Sorry but you are in the wrong.

Just leaving this here. It's my x-ray from last Monday (8/31).

Let people wear whatever shoes they can wear. Some of us are very limited in options.

I told my girls they could wear whatever they want but to keep in mind the weather so they might want an indoor and outdoor pair but I didn't care what they were- one of my bm's asked if she could wear her uggs outside and I was like yup! I'm probably wearing my mukluks! haha

I'm surprised at some of the responses here. I thought bridesmaids wearing what the bride asked them to was part of the deal. If you asked them to wear heels I'm sure some of them would grouse too. I think asking them to wear uniform shoes, whatever the style, is 100% fine.

I can't wear taller heels because I have back issues. I am totally fine with them wearing whatever shoes they want for the rest of the day. Ceremony/Reception I don't care about at all. Its the formal photos that I care about. They are in LONG dresses. No one will even see their feet. I explained this to the bridesmaid but she didn't care. Also I just got a text from MOH telling me the reason the bridesmaid is freaking out is because she already went out and bought the heels specifically for the wedding. She never asked if I had a shoe preference. She just did it and is now demanding that I be ok with it.

Tell them to suck it up, wear flats and find other issues to moan about. Your day, you get to feel pretty, however that occurs. They can wear flats. If they want to bring a pair of heels to dance in, tell them to go for it. For pictures and the wedding, wear flats.

Elyse, I don't think it's the same thing at all, given that the heels in that previous post were crazy high stiletto heels and the BM didn't want to wear them because of comfort reasons. This is an argument over preference.

I do think a BM should ask the bride before going out and picking shoes, because the bride might be planning to buy them all the same kind or something like that. But really, what's done is done and it's not a hill to die on.

And to go around and around again, some people find it physically uncomfortable to wear flats.

I do agree with your second point, though, Rebecca.

I just can't comprehend why anyone would want their BMs to feel less beautiful, just so that they themselves could look better in a formal picture.

This is not an unreasonable request. But it's also not worth the fight.

I would love to wear flats but there are girls who love to wear heels too. Just let them wear what they want it's not worth it.

What Elyse Said!

I'm not telling you what to do. I'm only telling you what I did.

I told my bridesmaids to wear nude color dress shoes. That's it. I did not specify heels, flats, strappy, etc. Their dresses were just above the knee so you could definitely see their shoes which was not a big deal to me.

Some people have bunions, corns, bone spurs, callouses, hammer toes, etc that make certain shoes hell to wear. They know what kind of shoes their feet will be comfortable in. I don't. One wore nude flats, one wore a nude wedge heel, and two wore nude strappy heels. They all looked beautiful and the type of shoes they wore was not a big deal to anybody. They all wore nude dress shoes which is all I asked. By the way, I'm 5'3".

By the way, every bridesmaid switched out of her dress shoes and wore flip-flops at the reception. My mom switched out of her heels and wore light blue house slippers. Nobody cared.