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Heather
Super June 2013

Are anyone else's friends stealing their wedding ideas?

Heather, on November 13, 2011 at 12:05 AM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 69

Is it bad of me to be getting so annoyed with my friend for trying to plan her wedding similar to mine? It just seems like everything I plan, she all of a sudden wants the same thing or something really similar. It's driving me nuts because I've been planning for 8 months and she has known exactly...

Is it bad of me to be getting so annoyed with my friend for trying to plan her wedding similar to mine? It just seems like everything I plan, she all of a sudden wants the same thing or something really similar. It's driving me nuts because I've been planning for 8 months and she has known exactly what I want and what I have and what is already planned, and she just now started planning hers for around the same time as mine. I've been planning a vintage style carnival theme, with cobalt blue and robin's egg blue dresses. So my main colors are those shades of blue, with red and yellow accents. She originally told me that she wanted baby blue and navy, which was fine because those aren't like my colors at all. But we went to a fabric store today, so she could pick out the colors she wanted and of course she tried to pick out blues almost exactly like mine. I finally talked her out of it and she chose different shades. While we were there, she picked out a dress pattern for an a-line lace

69 Comments

  • P
    VIP August 2014
    Princess Bride ·
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    Was Cinderella fairytale mix with butterfly. So when I saw every like I was liking on FB she too was doing it so I got pissed and just took her off my FB page. The net night her man called my FH which is his friend asing what was my problem and my FH told him I was upset cause seems like she was taking my ideas and he said funny cause she said the same thing about me. How was I when I got engaged first then her what I decided to changed my theme around just cause of her. Then 3 weeks later I went to Philly before the messed started I told her I wanted to have an orchestra instead of the same wedding march she then writes on FB saying she wants an orchestra. I got more mad cause I wrote that in the beginning of March to my cousin and showed my FH. When I was in Philly her man came to visit my FH so when I went back home he was still there so I decided to apprach the matter myself. He didn't let me talked started insulting me calling me a hater and jealous and so forth.(Cont)

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  • Heather
    Super June 2013
    Heather ·
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    @Princess- Wow, that's crazy ridiculous! I can't believe she stole your whole theme to that degree! I can't stand it when people copy things I do and she knows that. We had a friend in high school who always used to copy the way I dressed and would like everything I liked and she knows how pissed off she used to make me. She also wanted to do hers in June originally, but I talked her out of it because it was gonna be too hard to plan mine and hers and be BM's in each other's so close together. I told her around two months ago that we need to move it and we want to do August but might need to have it in September and she started planning hers for September Smiley sad

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  • P
    VIP August 2014
    Princess Bride ·
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    I also have this wedding planner that I had since I got engaged and he said I took that idea.(WTH) I had that since I got engaged and before I had my get together with my bridal party. He was supposed to be in my wedding party like my FH was suppose to be in his. I told him I did not felt comfortable going to a wedding looking like mine. I worked hard to planned mind. I stayed up till 5AM looking for ideas and I felt like I was plain and simple the wedding planner. He got all mad when I told him that he started again with the hater. Why would I be hating on theme. They got nothing that I want. I have a beautiful little family that am blessed with. An awesome family and great friends. I dont need to be jealous. If I want to be jealous I would have to say I'm jealous of the famous people where they have every luxery house, shopping, traveling etc. So I ended with to avoid more drama neither him or my FH would be in each other wedding and he got more mad. Disrected me saing am not a good

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  • P
    VIP August 2014
    Princess Bride ·
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    Mother and that am the cause to every problem when he said about my motherhood that tick me off. We were at the mall at the moment so when we got home I took his crap and through it outside and kicked him out and told him my house is not a hotel to stay at. He got fam in NJ to stay with. He lives in PA. I told my FH I def dont want him in my wedding cause thats total disrespect. I told him at least I have my man taking care of my son instead of having another man raising my son like hes raising a little girl that is not his. He now has a little girl with her but she was just born that doesn't make him father of the yr. So I told my FH we aint going to that wedding cause I dont feel comfortable and them invited to ours. The onl thing was different is the colors mines are pink and purple hers was red and white. I told her all she needs is to marry my FH to have what I have or we

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  • P
    VIP August 2014
    Princess Bride ·
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    Have a double wedding. When her man came to my house my FH showed him my album and he said he didnt know why I was upset cause they doing everything different. Well that's not what she was telling me or writing on fb. So if they were doing everything different why she was telling me her ideas and sounding like mine. To piss me off or what. We stop talking. My FH still talks to him but not about the wedding. The only thing that was missing I told her I was doing a wedding announcement thru the newspaper I dont know if she did it. She also did a wedding website with the same site I was in TheKNOT. Out of every wedding site. My FH wasn't bother with it but I was cause it's my wedding and I was doing all th research till late at night. My advise is Don't tell anyone your plans. Just your parents FH and maid of honored. I don't tell none of my friend anymore of my planning. Want to know got to wait till the wedding day. I know its alot sorry. But I know how you feel

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  • P
    VIP August 2014
    Princess Bride ·
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    I am truly sorry for you to go through that. It really sucks. I really hate when people are just to lazy to look online for ideas. Lie don't you got your own taste. lol. Yes she went to that extent but whatever cause I know I won't go and they wont go to ours. I told her man they could of hired me as their wedding planner. lol

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  • P
    VIP August 2014
    Princess Bride ·
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    This girl then stating writing stuff about me on FB saying am a little girl cause I didnt talk to her straight up like to avoid problems I just deleted am not the type to want drama so I rather avoid She started saying am a little girl cause i like disney princess and my room is pink and writing about my relationship. Like seriously. I'm a girl. Who doesnt like pink. She dont know anything about me or my relationship. Just by meeting me once she thinks she got me figure out. Well when my FH told me they got kicked out and had no where to go when she was prego I told my FH to let them stay with us.(Without knowing her)they then came to visit for 2 nights I let them sta in my livingroom mind you I never met her in life. Dont know is she does drugs or steal. Then my FH told me they had nothing for their new born so I dicided to call a couple of friends to buy them baby present. Lije who does that. I never met her and I was doing something nice Then she talks about me. She dont know me.

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  • P
    VIP August 2014
    Princess Bride ·
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    I told my FH if they didn't came over would he buy them a gift and send it and he said no and when she gave birth my FH told him he was going to visit and he never did. I told her she has no idea of my relationship. We been together for almost 6 yrs and her little relationship still on honeymoon 2 yrs is nothing compare to ours. I had my share of hardships with my FH and still standing strong. She dont know what I been through to talk about me. Who does that for her. It wasnt my FH idea to throw them a little baby shower. It was all me. I was too nice to a stranger. Mind you only once I met her. I didnt know how she was nothing. Never again will I let a stranger in m house like that. I learn my lesson.

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  • MrsO
    Master May 2012
    MrsO ·
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    I think a couple of those things wouldn't bother me on their own. Like the dress thing, there are so many people that do that style of dress. Vintage is very common and popular right now. I know plenty of friends who have gotten married at the same venue as each other before. Lots of people do blue. Etc etc. However all of it together, I think would bother anyone, I think, because everyone wants to have a wedding that is unique to them.

    I personally don't really have that problem. Heck, I was originally thinking of doing a rustic style wedding, and then my venue ended up being better suited towards a vintage garden theme so now I am going with that. One of my friends who is getting married a couple months prior is doing vintage and has already offered me any of her vintage props to borrow and use for my wedding. The "vintage" part is the only similar thing about our wedding though, and we won't have really any of the same guests.

    Continued... (I hate this word limit)

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  • MrsO
    Master May 2012
    MrsO ·
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    However, you say that you guys are bridesmaids so you HAVE to know the details of the wedding. You really don't. All she needs to know about your wedding is enough for her to get her dress and other attire. If you don't want to share any of your other ideas, you don't have to. It will not affect her being a bridesmaid. She doesn't have to know what other decorations you are using. She doesn't have to know your centerpieces. She doesn't have to know your music. She doesn't have to know your food (until her invitation comes asking her her meal choice if you do a sit down). She just needs to know about how you want her dress, shoes, hair, etc to look and where and when to show up that day. If you think she is going to keep stealing your ideas, simply stop telling her.

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  • Maria
    Expert August 2011
    Maria ·
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    " Immitation is the highest form of flattery" F THAT! Sorry I can't stand biters- be your own person! Yeah there's nothing wrong with sharing the same ideas/tastes but you KNOW when someones just doing everything you do. I had a friend (and STILL does til this day, she's married, 29 w kids) in HS who would COPY everything I did, say, and wore. We aren't close as we were before but obviously we're friends on facebook and yeah- she hasn't change and never will lol ... and like some said- keep your ideas, esp the good ones haha ... to yourself.

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  • Cyndi K
    Master August 2012
    Cyndi K ·
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    I have the same problem with several weddings next year. Right down to one of them going to DB and getting a dress pretty much like my Mori Lee, then her mother saying there's no way a big girl will look good in a dress like that and that I should find a different dress so I don't match the other bride. Also SAME menu down to a smoked salmon tray!! No one is having our colors but little things we thought would be special and unique are no longer that. There are a few things I loved about a couple weddings we went to last summer and I asked the brides if it's ok if I copy they both said no problem so we'll use the same ideas but add our own little touches to it. We have 4-5 weddings next year so this has been a bit stressful trying to make our wedding ours. In the end I try to ignore it.

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  • Andrea
    VIP May 2012
    Andrea ·
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    You should try to keep your ideas to yourself as much as possible. I learned this lesson the hard way, as well. Fortunately, we have lots of people on WW that we can bounce our ideas off of.

    I had a friend change her BM dresses colors from tea length orange satin dresses to long navy chiffon dresses (what my BM will be wearing). She also decided last minute to get rid of her wedding program and do wedding program fans instead. She also decided to go with grey tuxes instead of black like she was originally going to do. One of my BM told me that she spoke to that bride about some of our ideas that she really liked. She didn't think anything of it until she saw that bride changed her plans.

    Even worse, however, is what happened to my coworker. Her new last name is Oscar. So for her wedding, she wanted to do an "Oscar night" theme. She told her friend about how she was going to get a red carpet for the entrance into the reception venue and was going to hire someone to interview

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  • Andrea
    VIP May 2012
    Andrea ·
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    Guests as they walked into the reception. Very original. Well, her friend really liked her idea. When my coworker went to her friend's wedding (which took place 2 months before her own), she saw that her friend had a red carpet outside of the reception venue. My coworker was angry, but she was determined to look at it in a positive light. When friends take your ideas and get married before you, you have the opportunity to see how you can improve on the ideas. So my coworker made her red carpet better than she was going to make it in the first place.

    Good luck to you with your friend!

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  • P
    VIP August 2014
    Princess Bride ·
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    See my FH said to me "well it's like your not the only one. It's not unique cause the ideas were from online" Yes I get that and laides here on WW has some that are the same ideas BUT we aren't to each others wedding. When a FRIEND does it it's just wrong esp if you are invited to the wedding and having mutual friends in thee wedding. Yeah you're not the only one with the same ideas but you don't know that person. When it's your FRIEND taking the same ideas NOW that is annoying and just wrong. I def got offended.Then m FH wanted me to change my theme. HELL NO. I was engaged first. It's not fair. So he said we could always change things around cause they are getting married first if some things looks the same. NOW I heard they are totally doing everything different. Instead of a garden they having a chapel. The theme is not fairytale they are having some other theme. I dont know what was the thing her saying on FB for or telling me. To pissed me off or something. I don't know.

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  • MySharrona
    VIP April 2012
    MySharrona ·
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    I think I am one of the odd wouldn't who really wouldn't care. lol

    Perhaps she doesn't see herself as a creative person and feel very insecure about what to do. What I do know is that if you approach her with a bunch of "you" statements, she will probably not listen. Calmly, tell you how you feel and offer to help brainstorm a theme for her wedding--something that reflects her style (not yours)

    But I wouldn't lose a friendship over a wedding theme.

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  • Heather
    Super June 2013
    Heather ·
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    @Princess- Well at least hers ended up being different, I'm sure she was just trying to annoy you.

    @FutureMrsOhler- I know if it were just the dress or flowers, or just a couple of things, it wouldn't bother me. She even wants the same color shoes for the bridesmaids, I keep thinking of things she's planning to do the same or similar. Some of it isn't a big deal on its own, but combined it is to me and she doesn't understand why. I know I don't have to tell her detailed wedding plans, but things like bridesmaid bouquets, shoes, dresses, and colors, she knew all that because it's what she's going to be wearing. I was telling her details of the wedding itself months ago and thought nothing of it because she wasn't planning one.

    @Maria M.- That's exactly how my friend was in high school and she's still that way to some degree. Not so bad because I don't see her so much these days. My bridesmaid however, has never been that way around me, so it's kind of shocking that she's doing this.

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  • Heather
    Super June 2013
    Heather ·
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    @Cyndi B.- I can't believe her mother said that to you, that's crazy! Just remember that her imitation Mori Lee won't look nearly as fabulous as your actual Mori Lee Smiley smile

    @Andrea P.- I know, I'm not sharing any more details with her other than bridesmaid stuff. That's awful what your coworker's friend did to her. A detail like that should never be copied, at least so far my friend isn't that bad.

    @Sharon M.- I know she has trouble coming up with ideas for things sometimes, but that's why her other bridesmaids and I were there to help her get a vision yesterday. She really had no vision, other than colors, style, her dress, and some of the decor. All of which was eerily similar to mine. I'm not the kind of person to start an argument, so I don't see our friendship getting lost over wedding plans, but I know she's going to get really upset if I tell her I don't like how her wedding ideas are so similar to mine. We just need to brainstorm more and get her going in a different direction lol

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  • Linda E: Fairy Godmother
    Master September 2012
    Linda E: Fairy Godmother ·
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    It sucks - bt just keep telling yourself that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

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  • Sara
    Super June 2012
    Sara ·
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    I can relate to an extent...

    I got engaged last Christmas, my younger sister got engaged in June. I have been planning since I got engaged and as my MOH she has been helping me. But since she got engaged it seems like she is focused on her wedding, and she keeps taking ideas that I had and is trying to make them hers.

    For example, purple is my favorite color and I knew that was the color I wanted my BM dresses to be. Well after she got engaged (I'm in her wedding) she started sending me ideas for her BM dresses all in purple! When I said something she told me that I didn't own the color. I politely pointed out that she's known that it was part of my color palette from the begining and since she chose to get married 3 months before me it might seem odd to our family for us to have such similar colors. I told her that I certainly didn't "own" the color, but I would appreciate it if she could make it an accent color (flowers, etc...) instead of her primary color.

    CONT.

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